What did your spouse's midlife crisis look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years of marriage, and turning 50, wife, in a mid-life crisis, had a few affairs. One long term, probably still occurring to this day. When pressed on the issue, she will not agree to a separation or divorce. Too much water under the bridge. I will always forgive her. I just cannot go down the road she's traveled. Never have believed that two wrongs make a right.

You guys have interesting psychology. No judgement. Just saying.

Wife is a breast cancer survivor. Ten years now (knocks on wood). Just lettin' readers know that everyone's shoes travel different paths. I want my legacy to read, "he meant what he said, he said what he meant, 100%".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 year marriage. Still together

In mid to late 40s, he spent lots of time on fitness activities - 24 hour adventure/mountain bike/marathon type stuff. Left me with kids all weekend most weekends.

When that fizzled in early 50s and his career stalled, he started drinking more, gained weight, and reaching out to old HS girlfriends on social media to get attention/compliments. Crossed some boundaries, but always on line. I imagine he wanted to keep the façade of 18 year old self so in person wouldn't work. It hurt, led to many fights and promises to stop. In the end, I lost respect for him - told him once he was a cliché, and I meant it.

During the same time, I got my groove back - revamped career, more time for friends/interests/fitness.

There is still love, great sex and friendship, but it changed the relationship. I would walk away now if something happened again. My advice - work on yourself, not your spouse.

It's best you don't know what happened some of those weekends away.

PP back - is it best I don't know? I wonder sometimes. If he confessed now to past transgressions, I would likely leave. He denies anything of course. But I am not naïve.

[Anonymous]

Wife is a breast cancer survivor. Ten years now (knocks on wood). Just lettin' readers know that everyone's shoes travel different paths. I want my legacy to read, "he meant what he said, he said what he meant, 100%".

I hope you and your wife stay healthy. Cancer is awful, and it can kill more than just your body.

[Anonymous]

Guy here approaching 40, these posts are disappointing. I was hoping for some good ideas on what my midlife crisis could look like but none of these sound very interesting.

Maybe something different for me like a rafting trip with my friends.

[Anonymous]

If my husband had one or is having one he didn’t tell me. I guess I need to break into his phone to find out what’s really going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years of marriage, and turning 50, wife, in a mid-life crisis, had a few affairs. One long term, probably still occurring to this day. When pressed on the issue, she will not agree to a separation or divorce. Too much water under the bridge. I will always forgive her. I just cannot go down the road she's traveled. Never have believed that two wrongs make a right.

Example of cuckold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was in her mid-40’s and overly concerned about her “waning” looks and loss of desirability which I said was ridiculous. She was ripe to be picked and she was by a neighbor so two families got blown up.

uGH. But, she wasn't "picked", she chose. Remember, when it's the man we always say 'the OW didn't make him do it". The same applies to your wife. She was no innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years of marriage, and turning 50, wife, in a mid-life crisis, had a few affairs. One long term, probably still occurring to this day. When pressed on the issue, she will not agree to a separation or divorce. Too much water under the bridge. I will always forgive her. I just cannot go down the road she's traveled. Never have believed that two wrongs make a right.

Want her out? Cut her off. No vacations, eating out, fancy cars. She'll agree when you mean business.

As someone who was subjected to this (not bc of infidelity), this will only push her further away. If he wants her to quit the extramarital stuff becoming controlling about money is not the way. IMO it is his continuous forgiveness and love that she cannot handle, and it is bc of attachment and self-esteem/maturity issues in herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years of marriage, and turning 50, wife, in a mid-life crisis, had a few affairs. One long term, probably still occurring to this day. When pressed on the issue, she will not agree to a separation or divorce. Too much water under the bridge. I will always forgive her. I just cannot go down the road she's traveled. Never have believed that two wrongs make a right.

Want her out? Cut her off. No vacations, eating out, fancy cars. She'll agree when you mean business.

As someone who was subjected to this (not bc of infidelity), this will only push her further away. If he wants her to quit the extramarital stuff becoming controlling about money is not the way. IMO it is his continuous forgiveness and love that she cannot handle, and it is bc of attachment and self-esteem/maturity issues in herself.

She's long gone. There is no reconciling with a woman that has been banging other men and lying/gaslighting him most of the marriage.

Get out. She tells on the dudes she's banging how awful you are.

[Anonymous]

Spouse literally lost their mind, petrified of dying, taking hormone supplements, hitting the gym, introducing another woman into the family as a "friend." Zero ability to have kindness and compassion and has full on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Blames me for everything, not waiting around for to them drain down the bank account. Won't seek therapy. Camera full of selfies including a picture of HS girlfriend. Divorcing. It's horrible. My sympathy for anyone dealing with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

What did my spouses midlife crisis look like? How about 20 years younger than me! It was his assistant and I knew her pretty well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years of marriage, and turning 50, wife, in a mid-life crisis, had a few affairs. One long term, probably still occurring to this day. When pressed on the issue, she will not agree to a separation or divorce. Too much water under the bridge. I will always forgive her. I just cannot go down the road she's traveled. Never have believed that two wrongs make a right.

Example of cuckold.

Example of Evangelical. Jealous?

[Anonymous]

To the guy who said you “pick” your mid life crisis. That’s not how it works. People get mentally stressed and they lash out trying to capture something they lost/missed/regret. In my dh case it was two heart surgeries, work stress and a general disconnect with the fact that his choices got him where he was was. End result, increases drinking, foul language, early retirement and a second home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse literally lost their mind, petrified of dying, taking hormone supplements, hitting the gym, introducing another woman into the family as a "friend." Zero ability to have kindness and compassion and has full on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Blames me for everything, not waiting around for to them drain down the bank account. Won't seek therapy. Camera full of selfies including a picture of HS girlfriend. Divorcing. It's horrible. My sympathy for anyone dealing with this nonsense.

OP here. Dealing with a lot of this (and I'll look up NPD) but with the addition of an affair that doesn't look like it's ending anything soon.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. Prioritize yourself and your kids. Be prepared to leave. Even if the affair can be attributed to a mid-life crisis, doesn't mean you have to live with it. Or him.