What did your spouse's midlife crisis look like?

[Anonymous]

Bought a Tesla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bought a Tesla.

You got off easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

Dude’s wife did not know and if she ever found out he lied to her and told her he ended it.

Are you married dumb enough to believe this chronic liar only tells the truth to you ? Honey, he lied to both of you. You have no idea what is really going on in his marriage. You are getting a liar’s version. A liar that wants to keep you hanging on a string for 2 decades abs not living a full life, having your own family because he wants his cake and eat it too. You have been played. Get therapy to find out why not asking more for yourself and accepting 2nd place for so long. You deserve a lot more than an old man that preyed on his young patient.

Oh, she knew. She is no fool and he did not hide it well. There is no way she would leave him, he kept everything the same except for this.

[Anonymous]

My SIL had (is having) a midlife crisis. She left her DH because she was frustrated he had been laid off during pandemic and wasn't looking for a job and never had much financial success. He had done most of child rearing but kids were in high school and she was now working from home some value of that was now minimal. She started working out a ton (was always slim, but started working with a trainer, trying new sports). Dating a lot, always looking through dating apps, having big parties when kids are at dad's. Constantly sending family group chat pics of her workouts. She seems happy but it has definitely been tough on kids. No idea how her ex is handling it because she has forbidden us from talking to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So maybe this should be a spin-off, but how can one prevent a destructive midlife crisis in one’s self or spouse?

Y'know I thought the neighborhood harpies were out of touch, but they do tend to "hide" their spouses (ie: the women attend events, not the men), so they may be on to something. Especially since there are many divorced woman in the neighborhood and immediate area (school system). So many of these posts have neighborhood women or "friends" blowing upi both marriages. I think some women might always be looking to "trade up" (even though they don't call it that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had affair with very close family friend. Left me and the three kids. Not sure if this was due to mid-life or just being a shitty human being.

Both.

Decent human beings don’t turn like this on their spouse and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had affair with very close family friend. Left me and the three kids. Not sure if this was due to mid-life or just being a shitty human being.

It surprises me how often they leave.

Oh the majority beg and grovel, they leave because they aren’t allowed back. They will give it an old college try with the AP sometimes, but that usually implodes soon after. Then they are free and start acting like college fraternity bros for a spell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Same with mine. My STBXH always played video games every now and then, but the pandemic has really allowed him to put a lot of time into it. I didn't realize how much money he has spent on gaming (not always, but I heard up to $2k a month), and that he met someone else through it as well. I also heard his ranking in the game really went to his head.

I call BS. How is it possible to spend $2k per month on video games?

[Anonymous]

Me, 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me, 20 years ago.

?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me, 20 years ago.

?

She cheated with him obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had affair with very close family friend. Left me and the three kids. Not sure if this was due to mid-life or just being a shitty human being.

It surprises me how often they leave.

Oh the majority beg and grovel, they leave because they aren’t allowed back. They will give it an old college try with the AP sometimes, but that usually implodes soon after. Then they are free and start acting like college fraternity bros for a spell.

+1

Only 2% end up together/marry once affair is discovered. And if they temporarily hook up after it’s because they have been booted out of the family home.

The couples that go through this and reconcile you usually never have any clue about. Most people if they are working on the marriage and have kids take that midlife affair to the grave with them. You’d be surprised how many truly happy couples you never could imagine going through this, did at some point in a long 30, 40, 50- year marriage. The affair year doesn’t even register in marriage that long. It’s 0.5% of the marriage 99.5% of it monogamous.

[Anonymous]

Great thread. I'm a 39 y/o unmarried male, so my mid life crisis story may not be as fun or as salacious as those from married people, but I'm still having a mid life crisis anyway.

Mine is that I don't particularly like my job (anymore) and I'm not passionate about the subject matter. The problem is, of course, I don't know how to get out of this, though I am interviewing for jobs. If we weren't living in a pandemic, I'd just quit and move to Rio or Santiago and travel around South America for a year. I don't have kids so I could afford to do so. But of course, we are actually living in a pandemic, so I'm leery of the whole "quit job and travel" idea.

I REALLY want to get a dog, but I'm having cold feed about adopting a dog by myself and as a renter in DC. Since I live in DC, I don't drive, so no expensive car for me. I am also not into shiny new expensive electronics either. I would like to get a slightly large TV.

The only good thing about my mid life crisis is that I met a woman who seems to have a lot of potential. I gave up dating during the pandemic prior to vaccination and my return to dating has been great. She's hot and enthusiastic and into me, so I could not be happier there. But that is my mid-life crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great thread. I'm a 39 y/o unmarried male, so my mid life crisis story may not be as fun or as salacious as those from married people, but I'm still having a mid life crisis anyway.

Mine is that I don't particularly like my job (anymore) and I'm not passionate about the subject matter. The problem is, of course, I don't know how to get out of this, though I am interviewing for jobs. If we weren't living in a pandemic, I'd just quit and move to Rio or Santiago and travel around South America for a year. I don't have kids so I could afford to do so. But of course, we are actually living in a pandemic, so I'm leery of the whole "quit job and travel" idea.

I REALLY want to get a dog, but I'm having cold feed about adopting a dog by myself and as a renter in DC. Since I live in DC, I don't drive, so no expensive car for me. I am also not into shiny new expensive electronics either. I would like to get a slightly large TV.

The only good thing about my mid life crisis is that I met a woman who seems to have a lot of potential. I gave up dating during the pandemic prior to vaccination and my return to dating has been great. She's hot and enthusiastic and into me, so I could not be happier there. But that is my mid-life crisis.

Wait until you are 45-55. That’s when you face your body not keeping up at the gym and testosterone dropping and the desperation that you didn’t accomplish what you want, staring death in its face. Then, you will have your midlife crisis.

You are just bored and transitioning to adulting now, very typical stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had affair with very close family friend. Left me and the three kids. Not sure if this was due to mid-life or just being a shitty human being.

It surprises me how often they leave.

Oh the majority beg and grovel, they leave because they aren’t allowed back. They will give it an old college try with the AP sometimes, but that usually implodes soon after. Then they are free and start acting like college fraternity bros for a spell.

+1

Only 2% end up together/marry once affair is discovered. And if they temporarily hook up after it’s because they have been booted out of the family home.

The couples that go through this and reconcile you usually never have any clue about. Most people if they are working on the marriage and have kids take that midlife affair to the grave with them. You’d be surprised how many truly happy couples you never could imagine going through this, did at some point in a long 30, 40, 50- year marriage. The affair year doesn’t even register in marriage that long. It’s 0.5% of the marriage 99.5% of it monogamous.

How could you possibly know this information? I had multiple friends growing up where one parent had an affair. Parents divorced, and the cheating spouse married their AP. I’ve noticed that if the AP is better than the spouse - hotter, makes more, sex positive, fun and not a nag, then the cheating spouse leaves. They trade up. If the AP is not so great, then the cheating spouse begs to stay in the marriage.