What did your spouse's midlife crisis look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp, meant to say *cervical cancer and endometriosis.

Ok but cervical cancer is caused by HPV and it stands to reason that someone who is sexually abused goes on to have multiple possible sketchy partners and poor self-care/annual pap smears. It’s not the trauma per se it’s the behavioral consequences leading to the cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He dove into a new hobby (snakes.) It was snakes, snakes, snakes for a while. Then invested a lot of money in a new business venture, dancing in place as kinetic exercise, that caused a lot of worry. Thankfully, we made it through and now it's nothing but smooth, smooth sailing.

Wait, did you end up keeping the snakes? That's at least neat.

Some of them got away. We ate one and traded another to optometrist for two pairs fun Warby Parkers. I do not miss them!

Okay, you are FOS. But it’s funny story (especially “dancing in place” business, ha).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

Breast cancer has been correlated to the stress and trauma of betrayal. There are studies on it and know 3 women (no family history) that were diagnosed with breast cancer within 2 years of affair discovery.

Breast cancer is common in middle age and so is betrayal. Correlation is easy causation is hard to prove. It's tempting as humans to read illness as metaphor. Sometimes there's a connection but often there isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

This is an HBO show. “The Undoing”. Only it was the patient’s mother, sent kid to same camps, private schools.

Troll fail.

Haven't seen the show but just read the synopsis and come on, it's a murder plot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

This is an HBO show. “The Undoing”. Only it was the patient’s mother, sent kid to same camps, private schools.

Troll fail.

Haven't seen the show but just read the synopsis and come on, it's a murder plot.

He was a doctor that had a sick kid and he hit on the mom and fell in love. He then enrolled the kid when he got better into the same private school he went to and where his kid goes. He then tells Nicole Kidman he loves the other woman. There enough similarities there.

Yes, it ends in murder when he kills the affair partner when she starts getting too needy and wants to be more than a side piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

This is an HBO show. “The Undoing”. Only it was the patient’s mother, sent kid to same camps, private schools.

Troll fail.

Haven't seen the show but just read the synopsis and come on, it's a murder plot.

He was a doctor that had a sick kid and he hit on the mom and fell in love. He then enrolled the kid when he got better into the same private school he went to and where his kid goes. He then tells Nicole Kidman he loves the other woman. There enough similarities there.

Yes, it ends in murder when he kills the affair partner when she starts getting too needy and wants to be more than a side piece.

You watch too much TV. And trust me this long pre-dated the show. Affairs are common and it doesn't take a genius to write this script.

[Anonymous]

Spending money on big ticket items; spending 4days a week on hobbies, long term affair that blew up both marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He grew entitled and full of himself. He started to drink more in social settings. Then his debates would get heated. He became hypercritical of me and the kids. He would blow up over minor things. He looked online for an AP and had an affair.

Married at age 27. This was years 18-21 of marriage. He was mid-late 40s.

Good times.

Wow, +1 exactly this. And a 40 pound weight loss. Lots of time at the gym.

+1 but not good times. He looked around the neighorhood to find his affair and she created a drama-filled divorce for us and herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He grew entitled and full of himself. He started to drink more in social settings. Then his debates would get heated. He became hypercritical of me and the kids. He would blow up over minor things. He looked online for an AP and had an affair.

Married at age 27. This was years 18-21 of marriage. He was mid-late 40s.

Good times.

Wow, +1 exactly this. And a 40 pound weight loss. Lots of time at the gym.

+1 but not good times. He looked around the neighorhood to find his affair and she created a drama-filled divorce for us and herself.

The “good times”. That was sarcasm . It was anything, but.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Lots of affairs that blew up two marriages.

[Anonymous]

Had affair with very close family friend. Left me and the three kids. Not sure if this was due to mid-life or just being a shitty human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He grew entitled and full of himself. He started to drink more in social settings. Then his debates would get heated. He became hypercritical of me and the kids. He would blow up over minor things. He looked online for an AP and had an affair.

Married at age 27. This was years 18-21 of marriage. He was mid-late 40s.

Good times.

Wow, +1 exactly this. And a 40 pound weight loss. Lots of time at the gym.

+1 but not good times. He looked around the neighorhood to find his affair and she created a drama-filled divorce for us and herself.

Did these marriages last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had affair with very close family friend. Left me and the three kids. Not sure if this was due to mid-life or just being a shitty human being.

It surprises me how often they leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early forties and just started getting really, really into golf. Does that count?

If it’s taking away from time with your kids and family, yes. If it’s once every 4-6 weeks, no

[Anonymous]

Spent every spare minute on hobbies and extreme sports. Shower little interest in and did nothing with the family or the kids. Obvious interest in younger colleague (too bad they were in Europe). Wanted to not be tied to a schedule (aka the kids) so divorced