Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't a vacation. Some women enjoy cooking and consider this time bonding but for me this would be a chore and work. It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach. I would do it for one meal, say dinner and forget the rest.

If they want to work through their vacation so be it, I would refuse, its sounds exhausting.

Baking out in the sun all damn day and talking to you is exhausting. The kitchen is my break, and the person who cooks does not clean. I enjoy my audiobook while I cook, and wine on the deck while you clean.

Wow, calm down I am not posting to you but to OP who has said her MIL and SIL are in the kitchen cooking, I never mentioned cleaning however OP has said they clean after as well. I was thinking that if all three of them were in there together that perhaps MIL and SIL think of it as bonding time and enjoy chatting over cooking together. I love audiobooks too and beer/spirits on the deck as well. My point was that other people have different preferences and perhaps the MIL and SIL enjoy this aspect of their holiday however it doesn't sound like OP does. OP has said she wants to spend some time with her kids outdoors and I agree, I actually enjoy being at the beach and swimming. It was my opinion that I would join in for one meal and leave the rest because its my vacation as well.

You really need to chill out, its ok that you have a different opinion and enjoy different things. I guess overall my advice to OP was to find a balance so OP can enjoy her vacation because to me all that cooking would be a chore, I don't mind a little but I also want to be doing other things. You can have your wine while others clean, great, no one is fighting you on this, just breathe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't a vacation. Some women enjoy cooking and consider this time bonding but for me this would be a chore and work. It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach. I would do it for one meal, say dinner and forget the rest.

If they want to work through their vacation so be it, I would refuse, its sounds exhausting.

Baking out in the sun all damn day and talking to you is exhausting. The kitchen is my break, and the person who cooks does not clean. I enjoy my audiobook while I cook, and wine on the deck while you clean.

Wow, calm down I am not posting to you but to OP who has said her MIL and SIL are in the kitchen cooking, I never mentioned cleaning however OP has said they clean after as well. I was thinking that if all three of them were in there together that perhaps MIL and SIL think of it as bonding time and enjoy chatting over cooking together. I love audiobooks too and beer/spirits on the deck as well. My point was that other people have different preferences and perhaps the MIL and SIL enjoy this aspect of their holiday however it doesn't sound like OP does. OP has said she wants to spend some time with her kids outdoors and I agree, I actually enjoy being at the beach and swimming. It was my opinion that I would join in for one meal and leave the rest because its my vacation as well.

You really need to chill out, its ok that you have a different opinion and enjoy different things. I guess overall my advice to OP was to find a balance so OP can enjoy her vacation because to me all that cooking would be a chore, I don't mind a little but I also want to be doing other things. You can have your wine while others clean, great, no one is fighting you on this, just breathe.

Nope, that’s not what you said. What you said—which was insulting to people who choose to spend their time differently than you and OP prefer to—was:

“That isn’t a vacation.” “It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach.” “It sounds exhausting.”

No one is forcing OP or anyone else to cook. No one is being held at gunpoint. If they want to cook and enjoy that, that’s their vacation. If you want to stay out on the beach all day, that’s your vacation.

The first paragraph you wrote negates your backpedaling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally women who do this are fat or otherwise self-conscious about their body and don’t want to put on a bathing suit. Or they’re physically inactive and just want to be sitting most of the time. Basically, they want to hide themselves away in the kitchen.

Ha, sorry to disappoint! I’m a size 8 and my legit chef friend is model-thin. She makes a mean margarita and unbelievable paella.

I prefer being out in the morning on the beach, walking or kayaking, and then coming back to the house to read in the shade - I am fair. I enjoy cooking large meals with my dear sister in law, both of us often still in our bathing suits or with shorts over our bikinis. I find it fun to cook with another good cook - it’s like we are in a restaurant kitchen and we get so much done in less time.

OP, no one really cares what you do. Bring the booze for the house and stay out of the kitchen. Please.

[Anonymous]

One pp off her rocker.
People are posting their opinion about what is a vacation to them, and she is... well, off the deep end, cause she is into the kitchen and we all better shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy cooking. I am one of those people. But, I would not spend my time on the beach vacation cooking, nor did I do it. I want to spend time on the beach, not be cooking and cleaning.
Patriarchy, at its' best, is when women want to do it to please the men and be super moms to other women!
However, op, your comment about cereal and such makes me think you might be a bit envious of their cooking skills?
WHich you shouldn't be at all, antiquated standards that are oppressive to women around the world.

Another poster who fails to grasp:
1) Not all of us cook and clean. If I cook, DH or my ILs clean. And vice versa.
2) While some of us like the beach, we don’t want to be out all damn day! After a few hours, I’m ready for air conditioning and a shower.
3) There is plenty of work to do on a beach house vacation that isn’t cooking. I’d rather cook than clean, take out trash/recycling, run loads of towels, leave to pick up groceries and takeout.
4) Introverts live cooking so we can avoid constant talking and togetherness.

I am not the one that is failing to grasp anything. You, however, seem to think that it is ok for OP's female relative to impose their preference on her. Nobody cares that you don't want to be on the beach all day or that you want to cook. OP doesn't care either. She does care that they are expecting HER to do what they like.

Are they “imposing” with ropes, guns, whips and chains? Nope? Oh, you mean, it’s just words they say and questions they ask?

“Do you ever cook at the beach?”
“Nope! Enjoy. I’d be glad to pitch in by doing clean-up later. If you want me to handle tomorrow’s dinner, I’ll be ordering from Louie’s—give me your order by 5 p.m.”

Lookie there! A few words and the whole situation is handled. And if they think less of OP because she doesn’t cook on vacation, oh well. SO WHAT? Who cares? People can think and say what they like about me. Makes zero impact on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy cooking. I am one of those people. But, I would not spend my time on the beach vacation cooking, nor did I do it. I want to spend time on the beach, not be cooking and cleaning.
Patriarchy, at its' best, is when women want to do it to please the men and be super moms to other women!
However, op, your comment about cereal and such makes me think you might be a bit envious of their cooking skills?
WHich you shouldn't be at all, antiquated standards that are oppressive to women around the world.

Another poster who fails to grasp:
1) Not all of us cook and clean. If I cook, DH or my ILs clean. And vice versa.
2) While some of us like the beach, we don’t want to be out all damn day! After a few hours, I’m ready for air conditioning and a shower.
3) There is plenty of work to do on a beach house vacation that isn’t cooking. I’d rather cook than clean, take out trash/recycling, run loads of towels, leave to pick up groceries and takeout.
4) Introverts live cooking so we can avoid constant talking and togetherness.

I am not the one that is failing to grasp anything. You, however, seem to think that it is ok for OP's female relative to impose their preference on her. Nobody cares that you don't want to be on the beach all day or that you want to cook. OP doesn't care either. She does care that they are expecting HER to do what they like.

OP never says her help is required. Even her husband tells her to skip it. OPs problem is that she doesn’t understand people who are different from her. She’s one of those types who sees herself as one of the guys, a real guy’s girl, and kitchen work is beneath her. Even though her in-laws seem to like it and don’t care if she is there or not.

Really? Do you know OP in person? She is your bestie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people enjoy cooking. I am one of those people. But, I would not spend my time on the beach vacation cooking, nor did I do it. I want to spend time on the beach, not be cooking and cleaning.
Patriarchy, at its' best, is when women want to do it to please the men and be super moms to other women!
However, op, your comment about cereal and such makes me think you might be a bit envious of their cooking skills?
WHich you shouldn't be at all, antiquated standards that are oppressive to women around the world.

Another poster who fails to grasp:
1) Not all of us cook and clean. If I cook, DH or my ILs clean. And vice versa.
2) While some of us like the beach, we don’t want to be out all damn day! After a few hours, I’m ready for air conditioning and a shower.
3) There is plenty of work to do on a beach house vacation that isn’t cooking. I’d rather cook than clean, take out trash/recycling, run loads of towels, leave to pick up groceries and takeout.
4) Introverts live cooking so we can avoid constant talking and togetherness.

I am not the one that is failing to grasp anything. You, however, seem to think that it is ok for OP's female relative to impose their preference on her. Nobody cares that you don't want to be on the beach all day or that you want to cook. OP doesn't care either. She does care that they are expecting HER to do what they like.

Are they “imposing” with ropes, guns, whips and chains? Nope? Oh, you mean, it’s just words they say and questions they ask?

“Do you ever cook at the beach?”
“Nope! Enjoy. I’d be glad to pitch in by doing clean-up later. If you want me to handle tomorrow’s dinner, I’ll be ordering from Louie’s—give me your order by 5 p.m.”

Lookie there! A few words and the whole situation is handled. And if they think less of OP because she doesn’t cook on vacation, oh well. SO WHAT? Who cares? People can think and say what they like about me. Makes zero impact on me.

Ok, then. Yes, zero impact... have they tracked you down yet? Seems to me time to get back to your inpatient treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't a vacation. Some women enjoy cooking and consider this time bonding but for me this would be a chore and work. It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach. I would do it for one meal, say dinner and forget the rest.

If they want to work through their vacation so be it, I would refuse, its sounds exhausting.

Baking out in the sun all damn day and talking to you is exhausting. The kitchen is my break, and the person who cooks does not clean. I enjoy my audiobook while I cook, and wine on the deck while you clean.

Wow, calm down I am not posting to you but to OP who has said her MIL and SIL are in the kitchen cooking, I never mentioned cleaning however OP has said they clean after as well. I was thinking that if all three of them were in there together that perhaps MIL and SIL think of it as bonding time and enjoy chatting over cooking together. I love audiobooks too and beer/spirits on the deck as well. My point was that other people have different preferences and perhaps the MIL and SIL enjoy this aspect of their holiday however it doesn't sound like OP does. OP has said she wants to spend some time with her kids outdoors and I agree, I actually enjoy being at the beach and swimming. It was my opinion that I would join in for one meal and leave the rest because its my vacation as well.

You really need to chill out, its ok that you have a different opinion and enjoy different things. I guess overall my advice to OP was to find a balance so OP can enjoy her vacation because to me all that cooking would be a chore, I don't mind a little but I also want to be doing other things. You can have your wine while others clean, great, no one is fighting you on this, just breathe.

Nope, that’s not what you said. What you said—which was insulting to people who choose to spend their time differently than you and OP prefer to—was:

“That isn’t a vacation.” “It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach.” “It sounds exhausting.”

No one is forcing OP or anyone else to cook. No one is being held at gunpoint. If they want to cook and enjoy that, that’s their vacation. If you want to stay out on the beach all day, that’s your vacation.

The first paragraph you wrote negates your backpedaling.

OMG I haven't been on DCUM for ages and forgot what its like. So much nitpicking and negativity.

Just go get your wine, a really large glass you really need it.

This is simply my opinion and yes I think it sounds like a massive chore rather than a vacation however I did say that "some women enjoy it". I am now going to remove myself from DCUM and this insanity again. Wowser, so much hostility over silly opinions. Breathe and relax, it really isn't that big of a deal. OP said she wanted to be outdoors and I simply agreed with her, I hope she manages to get some outdoor time next vacation because that time is precious and you should enjoy spending it how you want to.

If you like you are right, I am backpedaling. Ok feel better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't a vacation. Some women enjoy cooking and consider this time bonding but for me this would be a chore and work. It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach. I would do it for one meal, say dinner and forget the rest.

If they want to work through their vacation so be it, I would refuse, its sounds exhausting.

Baking out in the sun all damn day and talking to you is exhausting. The kitchen is my break, and the person who cooks does not clean. I enjoy my audiobook while I cook, and wine on the deck while you clean.

Wow, calm down I am not posting to you but to OP who has said her MIL and SIL are in the kitchen cooking, I never mentioned cleaning however OP has said they clean after as well. I was thinking that if all three of them were in there together that perhaps MIL and SIL think of it as bonding time and enjoy chatting over cooking together. I love audiobooks too and beer/spirits on the deck as well. My point was that other people have different preferences and perhaps the MIL and SIL enjoy this aspect of their holiday however it doesn't sound like OP does. OP has said she wants to spend some time with her kids outdoors and I agree, I actually enjoy being at the beach and swimming. It was my opinion that I would join in for one meal and leave the rest because its my vacation as well.

You really need to chill out, its ok that you have a different opinion and enjoy different things. I guess overall my advice to OP was to find a balance so OP can enjoy her vacation because to me all that cooking would be a chore, I don't mind a little but I also want to be doing other things. You can have your wine while others clean, great, no one is fighting you on this, just breathe.

Nope, that’s not what you said. What you said—which was insulting to people who choose to spend their time differently than you and OP prefer to—was:

“That isn’t a vacation.” “It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach.” “It sounds exhausting.”

No one is forcing OP or anyone else to cook. No one is being held at gunpoint. If they want to cook and enjoy that, that’s their vacation. If you want to stay out on the beach all day, that’s your vacation.

The first paragraph you wrote negates your backpedaling.

OMG I haven't been on DCUM for ages and forgot what its like. So much nitpicking and negativity.

Just go get your wine, a really large glass you really need it.

This is simply my opinion and yes I think it sounds like a massive chore rather than a vacation however I did say that "some women enjoy it". I am now going to remove myself from DCUM and this insanity again. Wowser, so much hostility over silly opinions. Breathe and relax, it really isn't that big of a deal. OP said she wanted to be outdoors and I simply agreed with her, I hope she manages to get some outdoor time next vacation because that time is precious and you should enjoy spending it how you want to.

If you like you are right, I am backpedaling. Ok feel better now.

You will not be missed. You made rude judgments on how others prefer to spend their own time on their own vacation, and then went into hysterics when you got called out for it.

And by the way, never once does OP say that her in-laws put pressure on her to cook on vacation, in any way, shape, or form. She’s perceiving pressure that isn’t there, based on her own insecurity and/or dislike of her in-laws, and nothing more.

They are leaving her be to enjoy her vacation. She should do the same for them.

[Anonymous]

^^DP. To above pp who likes to cook. You are not ok, go for a walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn't a vacation. Some women enjoy cooking and consider this time bonding but for me this would be a chore and work. It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach. I would do it for one meal, say dinner and forget the rest.

If they want to work through their vacation so be it, I would refuse, its sounds exhausting.

Baking out in the sun all damn day and talking to you is exhausting. The kitchen is my break, and the person who cooks does not clean. I enjoy my audiobook while I cook, and wine on the deck while you clean.

Wow, calm down I am not posting to you but to OP who has said her MIL and SIL are in the kitchen cooking, I never mentioned cleaning however OP has said they clean after as well. I was thinking that if all three of them were in there together that perhaps MIL and SIL think of it as bonding time and enjoy chatting over cooking together. I love audiobooks too and beer/spirits on the deck as well. My point was that other people have different preferences and perhaps the MIL and SIL enjoy this aspect of their holiday however it doesn't sound like OP does. OP has said she wants to spend some time with her kids outdoors and I agree, I actually enjoy being at the beach and swimming. It was my opinion that I would join in for one meal and leave the rest because its my vacation as well.

You really need to chill out, its ok that you have a different opinion and enjoy different things. I guess overall my advice to OP was to find a balance so OP can enjoy her vacation because to me all that cooking would be a chore, I don't mind a little but I also want to be doing other things. You can have your wine while others clean, great, no one is fighting you on this, just breathe.

Nope, that’s not what you said. What you said—which was insulting to people who choose to spend their time differently than you and OP prefer to—was:

“That isn’t a vacation.” “It is ridiculous that you are in the kitchen on a nice sunny day and not enjoying the beach.” “It sounds exhausting.”

No one is forcing OP or anyone else to cook. No one is being held at gunpoint. If they want to cook and enjoy that, that’s their vacation. If you want to stay out on the beach all day, that’s your vacation.


The first paragraph you wrote negates your backpedaling.

Wait I got it because black and white text can be taken literally by some people. You think its insulting. Yes I claim it is ridiculous that OP is in the kitchen all day when she herself said she wants to be outdoors and I said it sounds exhausting to do all that cooking and cleaning and then in an hour start again. Yes for ME it does sound tiring.

Now if you came on here and said that your inlaws want you to be at the beach all day and you want to be trying your new recipe do you know what I would say to you. I would say "that doesn't sound like a vacation for you. Its ridiculous they want you running around at the beach all day when you want to be trying your new recipe and sipping an alcoholic beverage while cooking, which yes is relaxing. I do enjoy that. I would say its your vacation and you should do what you want and being at a vacation where you are forced into activities that you don't enjoy sounds exhausting.

Now do you see, its not meant to be insulting. How you interpret it is your business but on my end it was never a judgement on anyone who likes cooking because yes, cooking from scratch and trying new recipes is really popular at the moment, people love it. I like it in small doses.

[Anonymous]

My mother is similar OP, though not to the point of making everything from scratch (she'll do a box mix of pancakes). But still, every meal has to have 8 different dishes and she makes things so much more difficult than they need to be. We are the same with simple meals on vacation--cereal, yogurt, etc. Basically what we eat at home. She insists on "making" something but that just holds up the day with all of the prep and clean-up. I just want to get on with it.

The difference is, my parents live at the beach so for her, she's entertaining guests and I'm only there a few days at a time. If it were our annual vacation, it would make me crazy.

[Anonymous]

I just got back and it's the other end of the spectrum for us. We never eat out, but it's all about quick and simple cooking. Eggs for a the group in the kitchen, toast, fruit from the bowl. Lunch is make you own sandwich or leftover mish-mash from the fridge. Dinner we take turns cooking so everyone has a night they run the kitchen. Everyone helps clean up.

We have all the dads lug the beach stuff to the beach at breakfast, and take it down at dinner. The women do more dishes sure, but the older generation who doesn't like walking to the beach tend to do that, while the middle generation runs after the kids trying to apply sunscreen.

[Anonymous]

It's not for me but I can understand wanting some women-only bonding time without kids doing an activity I enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Do a mix. Eating out, quick meals, bbq by the guys, longer prep meals. Or hire a chef and pay him fir the time and food.

Are the men and kids saying Thank You? Do they get some sun and swim time?