Imposing relatives on MY birthday

[Anonymous]

OP - I totally support you in this. It's your day (and time off) that you should get to choose how you spend it. Sounds like you already had a great plan for how you would and you should stick to it!

For context, my brother came to me last year and asked me to help plan something for his wife's 40th birthday. The first thing I said to him, is well what does she want to do? I know her and no she's not into big surprises or being the center of a part, but he had no idea and hadn't considered to ask her what she wanted. I reminded him that she should have a say, and I'd happily help if what she wanted required it, but was in no way jumping in to take over her plans (or lack there of). She ended up wanting a small family dinner - which she got, on her terms and her request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband wanted to spend a week with his family and used OP’s birthday as an excuse because it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. It’s still not happening, which he probably didn’t expect. OP, I’d direct your ire at him.

This! Op ..do not give in! DH is not expecting you to stand your ground. He will be really surprised, angry & guilt trippy when he realizes you are serious. Keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.

DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.

Great! Stick to your guns op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They already bought tickets?! That will make things much harder. Your husband had to play a role in this.

Apparently it was supposed to be a surprise. Well, I am certainly surprised. Unpleasantly surprised. Yes, call me selfish, but birthdays should be about what the birthday person wants, not what's expected of him/her. IMHO.

You are 40 years old and having a tantrum over something nice someone wants to do for you. You are an adult, your birthday is really not that big of a deal. See this as what it is - family being kind to you - and celebrate your birthday with your husband and children the following weekend. It's just a day, and seriously, you are a grown woman, act like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They already bought tickets?! That will make things much harder. Your husband had to play a role in this.

Apparently it was supposed to be a surprise. Well, I am certainly surprised. Unpleasantly surprised. Yes, call me selfish, but birthdays should be about what the birthday person wants, not what's expected of him/her. IMHO.

You are 40 years old and having a tantrum over something nice someone wants to do for you. You are an adult, your birthday is really not that big of a deal. See this as what it is - family being kind to you - and celebrate your birthday with your husband and children the following weekend. It's just a day, and seriously, you are a grown woman, act like it.

Did you even read the OP? It's a literal WEEK, not "just a day."

[Anonymous]

This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They already bought tickets?! That will make things much harder. Your husband had to play a role in this.

Apparently it was supposed to be a surprise. Well, I am certainly surprised. Unpleasantly surprised. Yes, call me selfish, but birthdays should be about what the birthday person wants, not what's expected of him/her. IMHO.

You are 40 years old and having a tantrum over something nice someone wants to do for you. You are an adult, your birthday is really not that big of a deal. See this as what it is - family being kind to you - and celebrate your birthday with your husband and children the following weekend. It's just a day, and seriously, you are a grown woman, act like it.

I guess I missed what is nice or kind about dragging OP to a family reunion for not-her-family...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

did SIL find this thread???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

Ignore these trolls, OP. They either didn't read the post correctly or are being deliberately ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

Sounds like there wasn't much of a relationship to begin with. And her dick husband still went ahead with the secret plan for a reunion of his family using her birthday as a pretense. Way to trap her and make it impossible to say no. This is way worse than some pissed off ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

Nope. Her husband and in laws did that all by themselves by trying to guilt trip OP into spending her birthday with them when she already has other plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

Nope. Her husband and in laws did that all by themselves by trying to guilt trip OP into spending her birthday with them when she already has other plans.

Maybe she had other plans. Why would her husband allow his family to pay for all of the things they paid for if they had already booked a trip to Florida? That makes no sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

Nope. Her husband and in laws did that all by themselves by trying to guilt trip OP into spending her birthday with them when she already has other plans.

+1 She already had other plans! And also, hello boundaries!?
OP, I am sorry you are in this sticky situation. I would focus on getting on the same page with DH though. That is the most important relationship here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They already bought tickets?! That will make things much harder. Your husband had to play a role in this.

Apparently it was supposed to be a surprise. Well, I am certainly surprised. Unpleasantly surprised. Yes, call me selfish, but birthdays should be about what the birthday person wants, not what's expected of him/her. IMHO.

Well, your husband is in the doghouse then. You need to convince him to walk this back. I think it's totally unfair that you now have to be the bad guy and take on the entirety of the emotional labor of dealing with his family.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know a single person who would want to spend a week with their in laws for their birthday. I mean it’s not even HER family.
I can’t believe your husband didn’t say no when something was already planned to Florida. W. T. F.?