Imposing relatives on MY birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Your response comes off as childish and selfish. Your requests are a bit unreasonable - the whole week is about you? ANd your birthday wishes?

It was with good intention. ANd for people who are extroverted (like your ILs) THIS is a good idea and they assume you would like it too. SUre, you may know yourself and recoginize you're an introvert. That's fine, but not everyone around does. In fact, it's hard to recognize it in other people especially if you always put on a smile, go through the motions of being polite, appear gracious and friendly, and the like.

Surely, there will be chunks of time for just me-time, time with kids & DH, and the like so you can re-charge. No?

Can you get DH to ask your IL to babysit the kids one night while you and DH go out for the day together? Will ILs take you out for a nice dinner ? Can you make your birthday wishes known on your actual bday "I want to sleep late, leisurely shower, coffee and pastry in peace, read my book, spend a few hours with kids, and go out to XYZ restuarant for dinner"?

No. Absolutely none of this. OP, tell your husband that he is welcome to go to WV with his family. You will be going to Florida.

She’d be calling a divorce lawyer.

Who cares? If her husband prioritizes his family over his wife ON HER BIRTHDAY, then the marriage is effectively over.

[Anonymous]

So your DH let you book Fl while at the same time planning the WVA trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your DH let you book Fl while at the same time planning the WVA trip?

Sounds like he did - caved to pressure from his parents and siblings and expected his wife to go along so that he would avoid conflict.

[Anonymous]

Husband wanted to spend a week with his family and used OP’s birthday as an excuse because it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. It’s still not happening, which he probably didn’t expect. OP, I’d direct your ire at him.

[Anonymous]

You should divorce your husband. It sounds like you don't like him or his family. I feel bad for your kids.

[Anonymous]

While I agree with you that no vacation plans should have been made with your direct input and knowledge, I do have to say that adults who use terms like "the big 4-0" and make a big fuss over ***MY bIrthDaY*** are so annoying. Like, shut up, adult birthdays are truly not a big deal.

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyy adults are just the worst. Nobody cares. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Ha, ha! I can't help but sarcastically laugh! They are so obnoxious and this must be the most obnoxious case of "we are pretending to care about you, but really using your birthday as an excuse to do what we want and ruin your birthday!"
Ha, ha, ha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with you that no vacation plans should have been made with your direct input and knowledge, I do have to say that adults who use terms like "the big 4-0" and make a big fuss over ***MY bIrthDaY*** are so annoying. Like, shut up, adult birthdays are truly not a big deal.

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyy adults are just the worst. Nobody cares. Get over yourself.

Look, it's obvious from your post that no one celebrates the fact that you were brought into this world, because you're a stone cold b*tch. People who are lovable have people who want to fete them, and it's fun to celebrate these birthdays. My DH treats me like a mothereffing princess on my birthday. He loves to do it, and I love him doing it. Too bad, so sad that you'll never have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with you that no vacation plans should have been made with your direct input and knowledge, I do have to say that adults who use terms like "the big 4-0" and make a big fuss over ***MY bIrthDaY*** are so annoying. Like, shut up, adult birthdays are truly not a big deal.

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyy adults are just the worst. Nobody cares. Get over yourself.

The birthday is a red herring. Everyone is using it as an excuse to get what they want, especially the ILs, who sound like the most manipulative dingdongs.

[Anonymous]

This is 100% your husband's fault. He will need to fix it. Stick to your guns. I would be so irritated with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH. Your response comes off as childish and selfish. Your requests are a bit unreasonable - the whole week is about you? ANd your birthday wishes?

It was with good intention. ANd for people who are extroverted (like your ILs) THIS is a good idea and they assume you would like it too. SUre, you may know yourself and recoginize you're an introvert. That's fine, but not everyone around does. In fact, it's hard to recognize it in other people especially if you always put on a smile, go through the motions of being polite, appear gracious and friendly, and the like.

Surely, there will be chunks of time for just me-time, time with kids & DH, and the like so you can re-charge. No?

Can you get DH to ask your IL to babysit the kids one night while you and DH go out for the day together? Will ILs take you out for a nice dinner ? Can you make your birthday wishes known on your actual bday "I want to sleep late, leisurely shower, coffee and pastry in peace, read my book, spend a few hours with kids, and go out to XYZ restuarant for dinner"?

Wrong! She doesn’t want to spend a week with in-laws. Who would? I would decline also op. I would rather stay home than do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with you that no vacation plans should have been made with your direct input and knowledge, I do have to say that adults who use terms like "the big 4-0" and make a big fuss over ***MY bIrthDaY*** are so annoying. Like, shut up, adult birthdays are truly not a big deal.

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyy adults are just the worst. Nobody cares. Get over yourself.

OP says she's a frontline worker and doesn't get a lot of time off. Cut her some slack, will you? After the year she's had, she's entitled to a vacation of her choosing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really an H problem. He should know better.[b] There's no way this whole trip was planned without his knowledge and tacit agreement. Now that it's not going as planned, he's throwing OP under the bus by guilting her to please his family, when he knows he messed up.

I'd have a heart to heart with him and try to get him to understand how shitty it is to impose a week long vacation on her without her consent or even input. Then he deals with his family and she tunes them out. If he refuses to see the logic and continues with his family's line of assault, then it's time for some deep reflection on the marriage. Seriously, this is NOT what a partner does in a situation like this. You don't throw your spouse under the bus to save your own hide from your clamoring family.

This! He wants to please his family and does not care if wife is miserable. What an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.

DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.

Can you bring a friend or two to replace your husband? Seriously eff all of this. Wishing you a wonderful time in FL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP where’s your family?

Her family is probably respecting boundaries and would not dream of imposing themselves on others. Would not be surprised if DH family is dysfunctional. It is dysfunctional of him to put pleasing them over his wife. It is HIS normal unfortunately. Yuck!