Imposing relatives on MY birthday

[Anonymous]

I would be really angry with my husband, and he would be well aware of it. I would likely remind him of this screwup from time to time for the rest of our lives, but over time it would become more of a joke.

But honestly, I would likely go for part of the family trip, if not all. And then, I would expect my husband to plan the exact event I wanted on a different date. But I don’t care about my actual birth date particularly. And I also don’t despise my in-laws. A full week would be less than ideal, but they are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

Yes, I had a hotel booked. Luckily everything is refundable these days and it was supposed to be a road trip from DC to FL.

Wait, you already had a trip to Florida booked and when they sprung this it was not immediately shut down? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know a single person who would want to spend a week with their in laws for their birthday. I mean it’s not even HER family.
I can’t believe your husband didn’t say no when something was already planned to Florida. W. T. F.?

Agree it seems ridiculous and insensitive that OPs ILs thought this was a good idea. It really seems like they are using the bday surprise concept to manipulate her into taking a vacation they planned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

Nope. Her husband and in laws did that all by themselves by trying to guilt trip OP into spending her birthday with them when she already has other plans.

Maybe she had other plans. Why would her husband allow his family to pay for all of the things they paid for if they had already booked a trip to Florida? That makes no sense to me.

The more I read up on this, the more I think the H is a sneaky manipulative coward. Whatever his reasoning, maybe he didn't like the vacation she planned, maybe he really wants to see his family, maybe they knew she doesn't like to spend extended time with them and figured this was a way to trap her (we're doing this for youuuuuuu!), he chose to sabotage her plans and work behind her back instead of being upstanding about it. I'd leave him in WVA and go to FL by myself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

Yes, I had a hotel booked. Luckily everything is refundable these days and it was supposed to be a road trip from DC to FL.

Wait, you already had a trip to Florida booked and when they sprung this it was not immediately shut down? Why not?

^^Meaning, why was the in-law trip not immediately refused since you already had plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

I can’t get over stupid dysfunctional in-laws imposing themselves on op for a WEe
EK. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

You sound like someone who would do what OP’s in-laws do, make huge expensive plans without actually considering what the supposed guest of honor would like. That’s totally selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy, I hope you know that you just destroyed your relationship with your husband's entire family. Over your stupid birthday. I cannot get over adult women acting like babies over their birthdays.

OP said she wouldn't even want to spend a few hours with her in laws, much less a week as a "birthday surprise". There's no way her husband doesn't already know this. The issue is definitely not the birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should divorce your husband. It sounds like you don't like him or his family. I feel bad for your kids.

OP married her husband, not his family. She does not owe them a weeklong vacation, which is going to eat up her very limited PTO.

And OP's husband is throwing her under the bus here. It's not like he didn't know she was making plans to go to Florida. Sounds like the happiness of his family of origin trumps his nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.

DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.

Uh yeah - your husband needs to walk to back. This is on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

This seems like the best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

Yes, I had a hotel booked. Luckily everything is refundable these days and it was supposed to be a road trip from DC to FL.

Wait, you already had a trip to Florida booked and when they sprung this it was not immediately shut down? Why not?

^^Meaning, why was the in-law trip not immediately refused since you already had plans?

OP said she’s a frontline worker who doesn’t get a lot of time off. Her Dh had to pretend to go along with the Florida idea so that OP would take the time off. He planned his family get together for when he knew he could have her take vacation time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree with you that no vacation plans should have been made with your direct input and knowledge, I do have to say that adults who use terms like "the big 4-0" and make a big fuss over ***MY bIrthDaY*** are so annoying. Like, shut up, adult birthdays are truly not a big deal.

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyy adults are just the worst. Nobody cares. Get over yourself.

This! Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope OP returns and tells us if DH knew about the week in WV.

DH confessed that he was involved in the planning, this was supposed to be a surprise. 'It's so hard to get everyone together, we can go to Florida any time'.

I told him I am taking DCs and going to FL to celebrate my day. If he wants to come - great. If he'd rather spend time with his parents and siblings - fine too. I don't get a ton of leave, I am a frontline worker. Once a year I want my birthday to be about ME, not about someone else's feelings.

If my spouse planned a birthday party for me and people spent a lot of money making it happen, it would be world war 3 in my house if I refused to show up. I wouldn't do that to my spouse, but if I did, it would not go over at all.

Right. If your spouse knew you wanted to do X for your birthday and that trip was already planned and he planned a family reunion with his entire side of the family and ambushed you with it and then made you feel guilty you'd just be A-ok. Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

This seems like the best option.

Did you miss the update that the H helped plan this whole "surprise" week long vacation with his family? This is not a normal family. They do not wish her well. They want her to bend to their desires and used her birthday to make it impossible for her to say no. Her H lacks a spine or worse, a heart and brain.