Imposing relatives on MY birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s petty clear OP’s DH and in-laws are not going to be satisfied if OP shows up only for one weekend of their vacation. They don’t seem very concerned about what would make OP happy for her birthday. Me, I’d feel terrible asking someone to change their vacation plans to accommodate ones I made without consulting them.

We know nothing about what the DH and OP's in laws think of this because we are only hearing one side of the story.

[Anonymous]

Is the Florida booking real or did DH just pretend to book knowing that the real plans were in WV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It’s annoying that so many posters are getting so triggered by the mention of OP’s birthday. That’s secondary.

The real issue is that the husband decided to cancel his wife’s vacation. Then he wants to dictate that she spends all her PTO doing something she doesnt enjoy and didn’t agree to. His behavior is so self centered and lacking in self awareness that I think they need some marital counseling. She should NOT cancel her vacation to accommodate his passive aggressive scheme.

I agree with this. OP would have been more sympathetic if it was more about a post-pandemic, much needed week off (of which she gets a single one per year) than a me me me birthday week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It’s annoying that so many posters are getting so triggered by the mention of OP’s birthday. That’s secondary.

The real issue is that the husband decided to cancel his wife’s vacation. Then he wants to dictate that she spends all her PTO doing something she doesnt enjoy and didn’t agree to. His behavior is so self centered and lacking in self awareness that I think they need some marital counseling. She should NOT cancel her vacation to accommodate his passive aggressive scheme.

This. I can't believe so many people here seem ok with what her DH did. Its crazy.

[Anonymous]

My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

Exactly. It's sad someone needed to rewrite the OP for the trolls' benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

Is this OP or someone else trying to summarize the situation without the weight of birthday thrown in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

This is how OP should have titled and written her post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

This is how OP should have titled and written her post.

Agreed. People got hung up on the birthday angel. This isn't a birthday problem. It isn't really even an IL problem. It is a DH problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

This is how OP should have titled and written her post.

Agreed. People got hung up on the birthday angel. This isn't a birthday problem. It isn't really even an IL problem. It is a DH problem.

Angle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

Oh hells to the no. I could see my spouse trying to pull this, but I would shut that down right quick. And having the kids with me would be optional. If I want them, they come with me, if I don't, they head to the in laws for the week.

And if I wanted the husband with me, he would be with me for my birthday week. Absurdly rude for him to change plans without checking with his own wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the Florida booking real or did DH just pretend to book knowing that the real plans were in WV?

OP said she’s the one who actually booked the hotel with her husband’s input. She said it’s still refundable, but she hasn’t canceled yet.

My guess is that he let the truth slip because he needs her to cancel the Florida hotel very soon in order not to be charged. A week of a beach hotel is pretty expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Husband Canceled My Vacation!

I just found out that my husband wants to cancel our family vacation and I’m so upset! We were going to stay at a hotel on right on the beach. My PTO is already approved. I work with Covid patients so I can’t emphasize enough just how much I wanted this break.

Now, back to my husband. Why does he want to cancel our Florida trip? He said he’s throwing me a surprise party as a birthday present. The vacation week overlaps with my 40th birthday. So, where is this party, you ask? West Virginia (I do not like WV.) And who is coming to this party? ZERO of my friends. ZERO of my family. ALL of my inlaws. Seriously. (My ILs are fine in small doses but they drive me a little crazy and the thought of a week trapped together in one house is giving me major anxiety.)

I finally told my husband that I’m not doing the WV trip. I’m going to Florida as planned with the kids. He can join or not. Now he’s calling ME selfish and childish for not going along with his birthday surprise! He’s saying his sister already bought tickets to fly out and is laying major guilt. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up? Note that we were going to drive to Florida and I only have a week of PTO so it’s logistically impossible to do both.

This is how OP should have titled and written her post.

Agreed. People got hung up on the birthday angel. This isn't a birthday problem. It isn't really even an IL problem. It is a DH problem.

+1 to the rewrite and to the fact that this is a husband issue. Either he knows her feelings about the in laws and booked anyway, or he doesn't know her well enough to know what would make her happy for a birthday, or lastly he doesn't care about any of the above. In all cases, a husband problem.

[Anonymous]

Op, can you clarify for everyone... are the assumptions correct? Did your husband actually allow you to plan the fl vacation all while knowing you'd need to cancel it in favor of the inlaw trip? And did HE plan the inlaw trip?

If so, I'd be deeply hurt and angry at my husband.

[Anonymous]

Who gives an eff if OP mentions her birthday? She's allowed to go where she wants, surprise or not. JFC, some you are so thick headed.