Imposing relatives on MY birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about your girlfriends “surprise” you with a girls weekend in the middle of it so you do a couple nights and then bail and leave DH to deal with his family and any kids/pets you may have?

You don't understand. I don't want to spend time with them. A few hours at most. I get a headache just thinking about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

Yes, I had a hotel booked. Luckily everything is refundable these days and it was supposed to be a road trip from DC to FL.

[Anonymous]

If my husband took my kids for a fun week and left me home alone to get drinks with friends, get a pedicure and have a relaxed staycation - ALONE - that would be my dream birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

How were they planning to get you to WV as a surprise? Did your DH greenlight this for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am turning a big 4-0 this summer. I don't like huge birthday parties, I am an introvert, which is known to everyone or so I thought. I wanted a quiet getaway with just DH and our 2 DCs. Lo' and behold, MIL let it slip that she and DH' siblings plan to rent a HOUSE (!) for the week of my birthday so that we can celebrate it as a family. That'll be 20 people in one, albeit big, house. This is absolutely not what I want to do and I cannot get through to anyone. MIL is getting all offended, DH's sisters said they ALREADY booked tickets.

They are nice people but I don't care to spend a week with them. I can tolerate them for a few hours but I don't need them around me all week. It is my birthday and I want to spend it the way I WANT. DH thinks this sounds "childish" and "selfish" and that his family is going out of their way to be with me on this day. They apparently think I will feel lonely, which I won't. How can I get through to these people? Shouldn't a person be able to have a voice as to how he wants to spend his own birthday?

"Selfish" doesn't even make sense. If it's your own birthday, why is he making this about pleasing his family? Why is it about what they want instead of you? Why did he allow this to be planned behind your back? Are there usually issues with boundaries with your in laws?

Put your foot down, OP. So what if they booked tickets? They can go and enjoy themselves without you. Even your husband can go, if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

Yes, I had a hotel booked. Luckily everything is refundable these days and it was supposed to be a road trip from DC to FL.

No!! Don’t refund. Go to Florida!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about your girlfriends “surprise” you with a girls weekend in the middle of it so you do a couple nights and then bail and leave DH to deal with his family and any kids/pets you may have?

Nope.

How about you check your records and ooops. You already booked a non refundable (small) house in Florida.

Seriously. Do not be a doormat about this. If you do give in, you must absolutely take over your husband’s birthday and plan what YOU wanted do yours since that’s basically what your DH is doing to you. He’s throwing himself a birthday party and putting your name on the cake.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of my 40th birthday, when my inlaws and my own family all came to town for a surprise party. The party itself (at a restaurant) was lovely. But the second surprise was that everyone (3 parents, 4 siblings) was staying at our house for 3 days. I was NOT up for the surprise hosting assignment. I feel ya, OP. Totally not cool, and I think you have every right to decline to participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they wanted an excuse to have a vacation together. Can you drop in for a day or two and continue with your plans?

If not, tell them you hope they have a great time, and maybe plan another time to see them.

This was quite imposing on them on you, but hopefully it was with good intentions. If so, I'd be gentle with your decline.

I cannot drop in for a day or two because the plan for my birthday was to go to Florida. They are renting a house in WVa. Also, why would I drop in? No one consulted me. They can't make it "oh, we wanted to come and see you on your birthday". That's not what I wanted, I didn't invite them. Even DCs know that birthdays are about what birthday people want. You may not always like it but it's their day, you go along with it, and no, b-day people are not selfish for asking one day a year to be about them and their needs.

Your fellow introvert jumping in to emphasize that you were already going to Florida?! Listen, at this point continue with your Florida plans and they can have their now family reunion.

Yes, I had a hotel booked. Luckily everything is refundable these days and it was supposed to be a road trip from DC to FL.

No!! Don’t refund. Go to Florida!!!

I second this! Tell everyone it’s non refundable. And GO.

[Anonymous]

I'll be the dissenting opinion here and say that I think OP is acting like a petulant child with the "MY birthday week" garbage. It always rubs me the wrong way when an adult acts like their birthday is this huge holiday and they should get whatever their heart desires. All you did to deserve that day is be born.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you just really don't like your in laws and instead of declining and moving on, you want to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenting opinion here and say that I think OP is acting like a petulant child with the "MY birthday week" garbage. It always rubs me the wrong way when an adult acts like their birthday is this huge holiday and they should get whatever their heart desires. All you did to deserve that day is be born.

+1 -- just politely decline and move on. Adults who think they get a birthday week and it's a holy holiday are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about your girlfriends “surprise” you with a girls weekend in the middle of it so you do a couple nights and then bail and leave DH to deal with his family and any kids/pets you may have?

You don't understand. I don't want to spend time with them. A few hours at most. I get a headache just thinking about them.

Then you need to set up a couples counseling session now. Your DH is throwing himself a party for your birthday. That’s obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Team DH. Your response comes off as childish and selfish. Your requests are a bit unreasonable - the whole week is about you? ANd your birthday wishes?

It was with good intention. ANd for people who are extroverted (like your ILs) THIS is a good idea and they assume you would like it too. SUre, you may know yourself and recoginize you're an introvert. That's fine, but not everyone around does. In fact, it's hard to recognize it in other people especially if you always put on a smile, go through the motions of being polite, appear gracious and friendly, and the like.

Surely, there will be chunks of time for just me-time, time with kids & DH, and the like so you can re-charge. No?

Can you get DH to ask your IL to babysit the kids one night while you and DH go out for the day together? Will ILs take you out for a nice dinner ? Can you make your birthday wishes known on your actual bday "I want to sleep late, leisurely shower, coffee and pastry in peace, read my book, spend a few hours with kids, and go out to XYZ restuarant for dinner"?