Can you have a successful sexless marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty simple formula ladies. Infrequent sex at home equals husband gets that elsewhere. Deal.

I agree, which is why I divorced once my DH lost his job. Boy wasn't keeping up his end of the bargain. Now I'm married to a richer guy, but if he ever loses a cent I'm out.

Did you always want to be a hooker when you grew up? Because valuing a man primarily for what he can buy you is kinda the definition.

Whooooooosh

[Anonymous]

I imagine there are a lot of guys who don't put any effort into their marriage or connecting with their wives, and it shouldn't be any surprise that their wives don't want to have sex. But there are also plenty of guys who do put effort into their marriages, and their wives still don't want to have sex. Both groups may claim a lack of romance, but in the latter case, it's not really. It has more to do with hormones and the boredom of a long term relationship. But, that's not nice to say, so you get excuses about romance.

Also, one thing about flirting is that it's tough to flirt with someone who won't flirt back. I don't know how I'd romance my wife the way I did when we were first dating because, back then, she'd play along. Now when I say something flirtatious, she regards it as a distraction and doesn't reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I am a DW and often the lower libido partner but have always had sex with my husband once a week even if I wasn’t really feeling it. I don’t think it is fair to marry someone and not have sex with them anymore and I would be devastated if my DH didn’t want to have sex with me anymore. Of course, it ebbs and flows. And we have certainly had fights about sex and frequency. But even when my kids were super little and I honestly felt completely indifferent to sex, I still had it, and enjoyed it once I did. It was just about making that mental space. My DH is a great partner and I think sex is an important part of life...very important.

Also, I have found my sex drive is much higher now that the kids are older and in fact, we are now having sex much more frequently and it is even better than when we started dating. (We have been married ten years and dated for three before that). It makes me sad to think of a life where sex was just off the table, for anyone. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of men are crappy partners, and they need to reframe their own role in the situation. But fundamentally I don’t see how anyone, DH or DW, can be okay with completely taking away their partners right to sex...for life. That really seems ok to people?

If a partner doesn’t want to have sex anymore, they should either offer to open up the marriage in some way, or fake it regularly, or some combination of both. (Or leave, if they are just not compatible).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's some evidence that women become bored with monogamy quicker than men. That would explain why the women were keen on sex when dating and their libido often drops after a few years of marriage. This would also explain why women's libidos often reignite after divorce. The Atlantic just ran an article on this:
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/02/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships/582736/

This exactly.

Although to be fair, men get bored just as easily but are loaded with a sex hormone (testosterone) and therefore have daily sexual desire and their wife is the only approved outlet. Take the testosterone out of the equation and you have lesbian marriages that usually become sexless but happy.

Monogamy is great for raising kids and accumulating wealth but disasterous for sexual satisfaction

[Anonymous]

Maybe if men stopped farting audibly like ten minutes before they stand in front of you and pull their shorts down and ask you if you want it they’d actually get some.

You idiots all do this.

[Anonymous]

Over a decade ago, the Atlantic ran this article. Basically, it acknowledges what women in their mid 40s and over know: it's freaking normal to not really want to have sex with your husband, just as it's normal for him to want it.

I know some married women claim to want sex it would be swinging from the chandelier if only DH did (pick your honey do) list. If you want honesty, it's just not true. Which doesn't mean that being helpful and kind won't go a long way, you may get your wife feeling like reciprocating but she's would still rather eat chocolate.

It's not personal, guys.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/03/not-tonight-dear/305643/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over a decade ago, the Atlantic ran this article. Basically, it acknowledges what women in their mid 40s and over know: it's freaking normal to not really want to have sex with your husband, just as it's normal for him to want it.

I know some married women claim to want sex it would be swinging from the chandelier if only DH did (pick your honey do) list. If you want honesty, it's just not true. Which doesn't mean that being helpful and kind won't go a long way, you may get your wife feeling like reciprocating but she's would still rather eat chocolate.

It's not personal, guys.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/03/not-tonight-dear/305643/

But it's much more fun to keep the battle of the sexes going by telling men the reason they aren't getting laid is because they are doing it wrong. Telling them women just have naturally low sex drives after they get married kills half the threads on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

And it's comments like this that make me think (#not all) men are sociopaths with no respect for women. You'd be much happier in a part of the world where it's sadly still acceptable to keep women as sex slaves. But really, you should get a grip. Sex is not a right. While sexual release might be a need, sexual release with a woman is not.

Wow, that is a HUGE leap you make right to sexual slavery. You don't get to define my needs either. Enjoyment if sex with a woman is a need of mine and I get along great with women who are a good match with my libido. But to my point, getting married is not in my best interests as a man who enjoys sex. I won't be one of the miserable men here is a sexless marriage who are faced with either cheating, divorce, or excepting their fate. BTDT. Dating as a single man is SOOO much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

[Anonymous]

This is a sad thread all around. I feel sorry for you, OP. Intimate close relationship with a partner that includes sex is so much more fulfilling at any age. Once you experience it you will understand how unhappy you were before trying to find excuses for your current situation. May you find such relationship one day. Your life is not over at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over a decade ago, the Atlantic ran this article. Basically, it acknowledges what women in their mid 40s and over know: it's freaking normal to not really want to have sex with your husband, just as it's normal for him to want it.

I know some married women claim to want sex it would be swinging from the chandelier if only DH did (pick your honey do) list. If you want honesty, it's just not true. Which doesn't mean that being helpful and kind won't go a long way, you may get your wife feeling like reciprocating but she's would still rather eat chocolate.

It's not personal, guys.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/03/not-tonight-dear/305643/

But it's much more fun to keep the battle of the sexes going by telling men the reason they aren't getting laid is because they are doing it wrong. Telling them women just have naturally low sex drives after they get married kills half the threads on this board.

She isn't really a sexless wife and hardly fits the description of what is discussed here. For example:
Do you worry people will read your book and think, poor Kip?


But Kip does okay. He does get oral sex—I’m happy with that. And he gets intercourse, but it is on my terms.

I'll wait for Kip's book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

You aren't entitled to a thing. None of us is. And you certainly aren't entitled to access to another person's body. Not in marriage, not in dating. You ARE talking about slavery.

Cute slip at the end there though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I've said before, there is no better place I've found on the internet to convince me to never get married again. I'll never have a GF that gets away with denying me sex, no matter her perceived good reasons.

You think you are entitled to sex. That is very rapey.

I think I'm entitled to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman that includes sex. If sex isn't at least nearly important to her as it is to me, that will be a problem and she is free to find another man who is a better match. There is nothing rapey about wanting, or even expecting frequent sex in a relationship. There is force involved.

Nice Fruedian typo.
Listen. You aren't entitled to any flipping thing to do with women. You aren't entitled to a relationship just for being alive. You aren't entitled to sex and you shouldn't expect sex.

And FYI coersing someone into sex is assault. It doesn't have to involve force https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over a decade ago, the Atlantic ran this article. Basically, it acknowledges what women in their mid 40s and over know: it's freaking normal to not really want to have sex with your husband, just as it's normal for him to want it.

I know some married women claim to want sex it would be swinging from the chandelier if only DH did (pick your honey do) list. If you want honesty, it's just not true. Which doesn't mean that being helpful and kind won't go a long way, you may get your wife feeling like reciprocating but she's would still rather eat chocolate.

It's not personal, guys.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2007/03/not-tonight-dear/305643/

But it's much more fun to keep the battle of the sexes going by telling men the reason they aren't getting laid is because they are doing it wrong. Telling them women just have naturally low sex drives after they get married kills half the threads on this board.

She isn't really a sexless wife and hardly fits the description of what is discussed here. For example:
Do you worry people will read your book and think, poor Kip?


But Kip does okay. He does get oral sex—I’m happy with that. And he gets intercourse, but it is on my terms.

I'll wait for Kip's book.

I think they divorced from what I can tell.

But yeah, she was really tone deaf thinking this wasn't emasculating. If he cheated, no one would blame him