Setting hard limits with DH on pot use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

For real? A friend of mine takes a few hits from the vape pen for medicinal reasons and then gets in the car and drives the kids from point A to point B. I wondered whether this was safe, but since it's not my place to intervene (his wife can do that) I didn't, but does it impair driving? I know nothing about cannabis for medicinal purposes-is there a medicinal grade that you can take a hit and then drive, or it's all the same?

Whatever it is, it’s illegal to drive while on marijuana. Presumably that’s because the legislature found that it negatively affects driving. I would not get in a car driven by anyone who has been drinking, smoking Mj or is taking any medicines that are marked as negatively affecting ability to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

For real? A friend of mine takes a few hits from the vape pen for medicinal reasons and then gets in the car and drives the kids from point A to point B. I wondered whether this was safe, but since it's not my place to intervene (his wife can do that) I didn't, but does it impair driving? I know nothing about cannabis for medicinal purposes-is there a medicinal grade that you can take a hit and then drive, or it's all the same?

It does impair driving

Not a few puffs. Not for someone who uses it routinely.

You may think so. But, if you get in an accident and you are taken to the hospital and it shows up in your blood, you are going to have a heck of a large $$$ liability. You may think that’s unlikely, but accidents happen.

[Anonymous]

I know several loser adults who grew up in houses where the parents (mostly the dad) smoked pot regularly. Normalizing pot doesn’t end well.

Your kids are watching. How will you feel when they start smoking up? How will your degenerate husband feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

You sounds pretty angry yourself.

No one is required to tolerate drug use by their spouse.

Is Advil okay? What about coffee? Soda? Is wine okay? All drugs.

Where, precisely, do you draw the line on this?

Frequent (weekly) recreational drug and alcohol use.

Lol, 👌

That's way more puritanical than many people choose to live.

PP, you are so angry and derogatory about this. Perhaps you are a user that feels judged, but guess what? Those of us who live with spouses who drink and use drugs on a weekly basis notice how it negatively impacts their ability to be an available spouse and parent. Each of us gets to choose what we want to live with. OP’s spouse may choose to get high daily. She cannot control him, and she can’t make him stop. But, neither can he control her decision about whether she stays in the marriage or not.

And you cannot bully people into tolerating daily drug use. You may think it’s fine. On balance, OP, may feel differently, and she is entirely within her rights to decide that she herself wants to live in a drug free environment with a drug free spouse and that she wants to create that environment for her kids. Or not.

As someone who’s been in abusive relationships, I have to say I’m so tired of the typical response..... “you think X is so bad? Well you’re the problem, not me, X isn’t bad and everyone is doing it.” Classic DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender - a specific form of gaslighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you can’t control him, but you can control yourself. Decide the usage you can handle and act accordingly. For me, I could not accept the nightly usage. I would insist on a visit to his doctor and I would accompany him. If he balks at this, you have your answer.

That’s treating him like a child.

I mean, I guess you could divorce over this but I wouldn’t.

It shows you are serious. Do you really think this guy is going to inform his doctor that he needs his weed every night?

It’s none of her business what he says or doesn’t say to his doctor! She can express concern but that’s it unless she’s really willing to separate or divorce over the issue. Trying to be constructive, I’d suggest therapy for OP to help her process her feelings over it and make a choice. But trying to be his mommy won’t work and is pretty toxic.

While it’s true that the spouse should have some confidentiality with a treating psychiatrist or therapist, that doesn’t prevent the spouse sharing his/her view in therapy. It’s actually considered a best practice for a psychiatrist to get the perspective of the spouse when treating mental illness. Patients often under report or mis-report their mood, which results in a faulty diagnosis. If the spouse is causing problems that negatively exacerbate the patient’s mental health, then the psychiatrist can address that with the spouse and/or the patient.

You are right. Trying to be a Mommy is toxic. But that is not necessarily what’s going on when one spouse has mental illness. It’s often the case that the mentally ill person doesn’t have enough insight into their own symptoms to be an accurate reporter. That’s so common there’s actually a technical medical term for it - anosognosia. It’s also the cases that spouses often feel that they have a responsibility to help a mentally ill loved one because they promised “in sickness or in health”, and mental illness and substance abuse are types of illness.

My spouse was self- medicating with alcohol and unprescribed drugs to cope with bipolar. It was evident to me that he was struggling with some kind of depression or anxiety. I asked him to see a psychiatrist. I went with him a few times. Perhaps you consider that being a “Mommy” but I was concerned because he was clearly ill. Sadly, he decided he didn’t want to stop drinking, and I decided that I didn’t want to live with someone that refused to take care of his mental illness which resulted in a heavy emotional and parenting burden on me.

The good news is that about 6 months after I broke up with him, he decided to see a doctor and get medicated. His life now is more stable and he is a better parent now than when he was untreated even though we no longer live together.

This is a common dilemma for spouses of the mentally ill - how to be supportive, how not to parenting and how to protect oneself and children from behavior that is abusive although it is driven by mental illness instead of mal-intent. These things are in tension with one another.

OP, you might want to go to Narc-anon meetings or, participate in some NAMI support groups or classes (if you think depression or anxiety are the root cause).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you can’t control him, but you can control yourself. Decide the usage you can handle and act accordingly. For me, I could not accept the nightly usage. I would insist on a visit to his doctor and I would accompany him. If he balks at this, you have your answer.

That’s treating him like a child.

I mean, I guess you could divorce over this but I wouldn’t.

It shows you are serious. Do you really think this guy is going to inform his doctor that he needs his weed every night?

It’s none of her business what he says or doesn’t say to his doctor! She can express concern but that’s it unless she’s really willing to separate or divorce over the issue. Trying to be constructive, I’d suggest therapy for OP to help her process her feelings over it and make a choice. But trying to be his mommy won’t work and is pretty toxic.

While it’s true that the spouse should have some confidentiality with a treating psychiatrist or therapist, that doesn’t prevent the spouse sharing his/her view in therapy. It’s actually considered a best practice for a psychiatrist to get the perspective of the spouse when treating mental illness. Patients often under report or mis-report their mood, which results in a faulty diagnosis. If the spouse is causing problems that negatively exacerbate the patient’s mental health, then the psychiatrist can address that with the spouse and/or the patient.

You are right. Trying to be a Mommy is toxic. But that is not necessarily what’s going on when one spouse has mental illness. It’s often the case that the mentally ill person doesn’t have enough insight into their own symptoms to be an accurate reporter. That’s so common there’s actually a technical medical term for it - anosognosia. It’s also the cases that spouses often feel that they have a responsibility to help a mentally ill loved one because they promised “in sickness or in health”, and mental illness and substance abuse are types of illness.

My spouse was self- medicating with alcohol and unprescribed drugs to cope with bipolar. It was evident to me that he was struggling with some kind of depression or anxiety. I asked him to see a psychiatrist. I went with him a few times. Perhaps you consider that being a “Mommy” but I was concerned because he was clearly ill. Sadly, he decided he didn’t want to stop drinking, and I decided that I didn’t want to live with someone that refused to take care of his mental illness which resulted in a heavy emotional and parenting burden on me.

The good news is that about 6 months after I broke up with him, he decided to see a doctor and get medicated. His life now is more stable and he is a better parent now than when he was untreated even though we no longer live together.

This is a common dilemma for spouses of the mentally ill - how to be supportive, how not to parenting and how to protect oneself and children from behavior that is abusive although it is driven by mental illness instead of mal-intent. These things are in tension with one another.

OP, you might want to go to Narc-anon meetings or, participate in some NAMI support groups or classes (if you think depression or anxiety are the root cause).

This is all good advice in general. OP hasn’t said how much pot use affects his ability to hold down a job and parent. Based on what she did say, I thought it seemed within bounds as I doubt the older terms notice but who knows. I admit I’m a little puzzled about why regular alcohol consumption is considered ok but this isn’t which is affecting my responses.

[Anonymous]

A marijuana brownie or gummy bear is better for your health than 5oz of alcohol. And had less side effects than the Ativan, Zoloft, Wellbutrin. You can also get the benefit without the THC and just use the CBD oil. I don’t understand why people are so resistant to the idea of it being a beneficial therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A marijuana brownie or gummy bear is better for your health than 5oz of alcohol. And had less side effects than the Ativan, Zoloft, Wellbutrin. You can also get the benefit without the THC and just use the CBD oil. I don’t understand why people are so resistant to the idea of it being a beneficial therapy.

You're absolutely right.

Ignorance. Ignorance is the answer to your question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

THIS times a billion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

For real? A friend of mine takes a few hits from the vape pen for medicinal reasons and then gets in the car and drives the kids from point A to point B. I wondered whether this was safe, but since it's not my place to intervene (his wife can do that) I didn't, but does it impair driving? I know nothing about cannabis for medicinal purposes-is there a medicinal grade that you can take a hit and then drive, or it's all the same?

It does impair driving

Not a few puffs. Not for someone who uses it routinely.

You may think so. But, if you get in an accident and you are taken to the hospital and it shows up in your blood, you are going to have a heck of a large $$$ liability. You may think that’s unlikely, but accidents happen.

genius- with a valid MM prescription it is completely allowed to be in a patient’s blood- driving or not. You are judgmental w a stick up your ass. Trybweed- it may help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

For real? A friend of mine takes a few hits from the vape pen for medicinal reasons and then gets in the car and drives the kids from point A to point B. I wondered whether this was safe, but since it's not my place to intervene (his wife can do that) I didn't, but does it impair driving? I know nothing about cannabis for medicinal purposes-is there a medicinal grade that you can take a hit and then drive, or it's all the same?

It does impair driving

Not a few puffs. Not for someone who uses it routinely.

You may think so. But, if you get in an accident and you are taken to the hospital and it shows up in your blood, you are going to have a heck of a large $$$ liability. You may think that’s unlikely, but accidents happen.

genius- with a valid MM prescription it is completely allowed to be in a patient’s blood- driving or not. You are judgmental w a stick up your ass. Trybweed- it may help.

this is not true, “If you are driving a vehicle under the influence of drugs because marijuana impaired your ability to drive a vehicle safely, you can be charged with a DUI, even if you are using legal medical marijuana. For a first offense, an offender may be sentenced to a jail term of two months up to one or fined up to $1,000. Offenders can face a license suspension period of up to 45 days. Increased penalties for DUI were imposed in 2016, states Maryland Department of Transportation.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

For real? A friend of mine takes a few hits from the vape pen for medicinal reasons and then gets in the car and drives the kids from point A to point B. I wondered whether this was safe, but since it's not my place to intervene (his wife can do that) I didn't, but does it impair driving? I know nothing about cannabis for medicinal purposes-is there a medicinal grade that you can take a hit and then drive, or it's all the same?

It does impair driving

Not a few puffs. Not for someone who uses it routinely.

You may think so. But, if you get in an accident and you are taken to the hospital and it shows up in your blood, you are going to have a heck of a large $$$ liability. You may think that’s unlikely, but accidents happen.

genius- with a valid MM prescription it is completely allowed to be in a patient’s blood- driving or not. You are judgmental w a stick up your ass. Trybweed- it may help.

this is not true, “If you are driving a vehicle under the influence of drugs because marijuana impaired your ability to drive a vehicle safely, you can be charged with a DUI, even if you are using legal medical marijuana. For a first offense, an offender may be sentenced to a jail term of two months up to one or fined up to $1,000. Offenders can face a license suspension period of up to 45 days. Increased penalties for DUI were imposed in 2016, states Maryland Department of Transportation.”

Honestly this is a stupid point and a small population. Most people don’t drive drunk or high anymore. They call an Uber. Times are a changing mama

[Anonymous]

“ because **marijuana impaired your ability to drive a vehicle safely***you can be charged with a DUI”

I’m sure lawyers enjoy arguing this in court for the rare cases that make it a worse substance to an alcohol. Or tobacco.

[Anonymous]

This thread has predictably derailed into a stupid discussion.

Good luck OP. No matter what the hardcore cannabis advocates say, you are not wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP-your dh sounds like an addict. Whether an addict is addicted to pot, alcohol, tobacco, ect...he's still an addict.

Personally, I could not live with it. It impacts your whole family.