Setting hard limits with DH on pot use

[Anonymous]

I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

[Anonymous]

I couldn't stay married to a guy who thinks it's appropriate to get stoned at ALL, much less every night and even much less around our kids. Holy moly. Absolute dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, some women and men have a drink or two every night. But if it bothers you, he should cut back..

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, do me a favor - when you dump your DH for his terrible daily medicinal cannabis use, would you send him my way?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I promise to be a kindly stepmother to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Does this sound familiar, OP:

In a survey of 150 marijuana using students, 59% surveyed report they sometimes forget what a conversation is about before it has ended. 41% report if they read while stoned they remembered less of what they had read hours later.

An "amotivational syndrome" can develop in heavy, chronic marijuana users. It is characterized by decreased drive and ambition, shortened attention span, poor judgment, high distractibility, impaired communication skills, and diminished effectiveness in interpersonal situations.

Adults who smoked marijuana daily believed it helped them function better, improved self-awareness and improved relationships with others. However, researchers found that users were more willing to tolerate problems, suggesting that the drug served as a buffer for those who would rather avoid confronting problems than make changes that might increase their satisfaction with life. The study indicated that these subjects used marijuana to avoid dealing with their difficulties and the avoidance inevitably made their problems worse. Although users believed the drug enhanced understanding of themselves, it actually served as a barrier against self-awareness.

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/dope/body/effects.html

[Anonymous]

I would hate this. ESPECIALLY with kids in the house. It is still illegal under federal law. ILLEGAL— DH needs to consider what could happen if a neighbor tipped police off or if he is caught buying.

That said... you cannot control what another adult puts into their body. He can’t make you, say, take roofies and you can’t make him not take pot. However—!

You CAN set consequences. “If you smoke pot while our kids are home, I will_____.” “If you get in trouble with the cops, I will not contribute to your legal defense.” “If you expose our kids to this, I will divorce and seek sole custody.”

He also needs to do some serious thought about why he can’t enjoy a movie with DD without being high, why he’s driven to do this, how much he’s flirting with habituality/dependence.

[Anonymous]

Just to check: DH doesn’t have a security clearance or professional license (eg law, medical, commercial driver) that requires him to be drug free, does he? Because holy s—, if held jeopardizing his career, that’s Game Over.

(For that matter, hopefully you don’t have any of the above either. God forbid his secondhand smoke makes you test positive or something.)

[Anonymous]

much safer than benzodiazepines and even SSRIs/SNRIs. John Boehner is heavily invested in the medical marijuana industry now, so are many other conservatives

.

Well, you’ve got me.

When a conservative embraces a grift-adjacent money-making scheme, that ALWAYS convinces me that it’s totally legitimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you drink every evening? If so, perhaps you can create a challenge to stop all substances together?

No I do not.

Lol. What’s up with people comparing a glass of beer or wine to getting high?!! Hello...you realize you’re just trying to rationalize a gross & addictive habit.

You're absolutely right... alcohol of ANY sort it's a gross and addictive habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would hate this. ESPECIALLY with kids in the house. It is still illegal under federal law. ILLEGAL— DH needs to consider what could happen if a neighbor tipped police off or if he is caught buying.

That said... you cannot control what another adult puts into their body. He can’t make you, say, take roofies and you can’t make him not take pot. However—!

You CAN set consequences. “If you smoke pot while our kids are home, I will_____.” “If you get in trouble with the cops, I will not contribute to your legal defense.” “If you expose our kids to this, I will divorce and seek sole custody.”

He also needs to do some serious thought about why he can’t enjoy a movie with DD without being high, why he’s driven to do this, how much he’s flirting with habituality/dependence.

What are you talking about loon... he's got a medical marijuana card.

President Barack Obama, soon after taking office in 2009, announced his administration would not seek to arrest or prosecute medical marijuana users and suppliers on a FEDERAL level, as long as they conformed to state laws.

And yes, while it's still illegally "federally" her husband isn't going to federal prison for simply purchasing marijuana from a doctor or dispensary.

No DA is going to waste their time and federal dollars trying to prosecute someone with a MMC, unless it involved more serious crimes.

You sound seriously unhinged and nothing of what you wrote is helpful to the OP, because it's illogical and would not hold up in a court of law.

You shouldn't give advice on things you know nothing about... maybe you should try smoking some pot for that untreated anxiety of yours.

[Anonymous]

I think I would be worried about what my DH was trying to self-treat - anxiety, depression, etc. and making it difficult to tolerate life without being stoned. And I think I would be irritated about the fact that he seemed baked and unreachable every night (but that’s just me - I don’t love being stone-cold sober when my DH is drunk, I find the behaviors annoying).

That being said, OP - you kind of shrug off your DH’s reasons for getting a MMC - describing it as a result of “quarantine”, almost with a bit of an eye roll. His doctor wrote him a prescription; they considered it medically necessary.

Yelling at and berating your DH simply wont work, or break this endless power struggle. When your DH isn’t high, you should sit down and talk with him in an effort to understand. Treat him like the grown adult he is, rather than barking at him.

I imagine that your strong reaction is based in fear, and I totally get it. Those feelings are valid, and you can share them with your DH, but also make a genuine effort to understand where he’s coming from. That’s the only way to break this cycle (if not the actual pot use).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you drink every evening? If so, perhaps you can create a challenge to stop all substances together?

No I do not.

Lol. What’s up with people comparing a glass of beer or wine to getting high?!! Hello...you realize you’re just trying to rationalize a gross & addictive habit.

I'm a pretty moderate drinker and don't use marijuana, but can honestly and easily acknowledge that pot is a much safer habit than alcohol. Judge not, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would be worried about what my DH was trying to self-treat - anxiety, depression, etc. and making it difficult to tolerate life without being stoned. And I think I would be irritated about the fact that he seemed baked and unreachable every night (but that’s just me - I don’t love being stone-cold sober when my DH is drunk, I find the behaviors annoying).

That being said, OP - you kind of shrug off your DH’s reasons for getting a MMC - describing it as a result of “quarantine”, almost with a bit of an eye roll. His doctor wrote him a prescription; they considered it medically necessary.

Yelling at and berating your DH simply wont work, or break this endless power struggle. When your DH isn’t high, you should sit down and talk with him in an effort to understand. Treat him like the grown adult he is, rather than barking at him.

I imagine that your strong reaction is based in fear, and I totally get it. Those feelings are valid, and you can share them with your DH, but also make a genuine effort to understand where he’s coming from. That’s the only way to break this cycle (if not the actual pot use).

Best post all thread. As an aside, I had no idea how many potheads are here. It’s not the same as a glass of wine people. For one thing, it’s against federal law.

[Anonymous]

You could start by telling him to grow up.