Setting hard limits with DH on pot use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

You sounds pretty angry yourself.

No one is required to tolerate drug use by their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course, you can’t control him, but you can control yourself. Decide the usage you can handle and act accordingly. For me, I could not accept the nightly usage. I would insist on a visit to his doctor and I would accompany him. If he balks at this, you have your answer.

That’s treating him like a child.

I mean, I guess you could divorce over this but I wouldn’t.

It shows you are serious. Do you really think this guy is going to inform his doctor that he needs his weed every night?

It’s none of her business what he says or doesn’t say to his doctor! She can express concern but that’s it unless she’s really willing to separate or divorce over the issue. Trying to be constructive, I’d suggest therapy for OP to help her process her feelings over it and make a choice. But trying to be his mommy won’t work and is pretty toxic.

[Anonymous]

That’s worth divorcing over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I would never remain married to someone who smoked pot at all, much less every night. My answer to this would be an ultimatum that he stop or we get divorced

This.

It’s one thing if you’re dying of cancer and need some relief. But degenerate yuppies who can’t function without getting high every night have a problem. Google addiction...it’s a thing.

Sigh. Who didn’t see this coming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s worth divorcing over

I would seriously consider divorce and at the very least I would separate emotionally from him and in terms of any physical relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t answer your question, sorry.

No, I don’t think it’s fair to insist that he not use cannabis except when your kids aren’t around. When the heck is he going to get to use it? Kids are ALWAYS around, we’re locked down.

A few puffs of cannabis is the rough equivalent of a glass or two or wine, and we all know that plenty of parents of older kids think nothing whatsoever of indulging in a glass or two of wine, or a beer, in the presence of their older kids who don’t require the same supervision level as young kids. If you’d also have a problem with that then you are pretty puritanical and maybe you and husband aren’t as compatible as you once thought.


Have you ever used cannabis yourself?

For real? A friend of mine takes a few hits from the vape pen for medicinal reasons and then gets in the car and drives the kids from point A to point B. I wondered whether this was safe, but since it's not my place to intervene (his wife can do that) I didn't, but does it impair driving? I know nothing about cannabis for medicinal purposes-is there a medicinal grade that you can take a hit and then drive, or it's all the same?

It does impair driving

Not a few puffs. Not for someone who uses it routinely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Of course it's acceptable. We've been fed a bunch of lies about cannabis. Unless you are both new to it and smoking too much, the effects are quite mild. I would be much more impaired by a few glasses of wine. I wouldn't work or drive on cannabis, but other than that I am perfectly capable of normal conversation and normal household activities such as cooking, cleaning, and yes, parenting. When my kids are old enough, I will tell them the truth - that cannabis helps a lot of people with various health conditions feel better, but it's not good for kids whose brains are still developing and of course smoking anything is bad for your lungs.

NP. This is not reality, it’s the excuses you use to justify your actions. First, you set up a false dichotomy because there is not a necessary choice between alcohol and cannabis. The reason you would not work and it is illegal to drive under the influence of cannabis is because it impairs your reactions and decision-making process. Those are basic functions that you also need in order to parent (especially in an emergency), cook, etc. If you are high when you are “on” with your kids, you are a shi!!y parent. How can you help with homework or discuss substantive issues with a teen when you are high? Many studies (some cited above) have concluded that cannabis has a negative impact on motivation. I don’t want that for my adult partner, let alone my kid.

It's not a false dichotomy. It's a comparison between two substances, one of which is socially acceptable but causes more impairment, and one of which is less impairing but has a social stigma attached. Of course no one has to take any substances.

I don't need to justify my actions. I do what works for me. I posted, knowing full well I would be attacked and called a shitty parent, because I think many people have the wrong idea about the effects of cannabis. If you want to assume I'm lying or understating how functional I am on cannabis, I can't do anything about that. All I can do is share how my actual experience differs from the stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

You sounds pretty angry yourself.

No one is required to tolerate drug use by their spouse.

Is Advil okay? What about coffee? Soda? Is wine okay? All drugs.

Where, precisely, do you draw the line on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

You sounds pretty angry yourself.

No one is required to tolerate drug use by their spouse.

Is Advil okay? What about coffee? Soda? Is wine okay? All drugs.

Where, precisely, do you draw the line on this?

Frequent (weekly) recreational drug and alcohol use.

[Anonymous]

My spouse neither uses pot or drinks, but I think alcoholism is a far bigger issue and more worthy of divorce. But I guess some might equate the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

You sounds pretty angry yourself.

No one is required to tolerate drug use by their spouse.

Is Advil okay? What about coffee? Soda? Is wine okay? All drugs.

Where, precisely, do you draw the line on this?

Frequent (weekly) recreational drug and alcohol use.

Lol, 👌

That's way more puritanical than many people choose to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have talked to him, it doesn’t change things. What next, do I threaten divorce?

Would he go to counseling with you?

You've made a totally reasonable request that he not smoke when the kids are around, he agreed to it, but he's unable to do what he agreed to. I don't think your choices are live with it or divorce. Counseling would help with whatever the underlying issue is - is he dependent on it? Did he only agree not to smoke in front of the kids to get you off his back with no intention of stopping? Hopefully it will give you some clarity on what's next.

I will say that the pattern here - he got a MMC he doesn't need, is getting high every night, and is unable to wait until the kids are in bed is not a great one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse neither uses pot or drinks, but I think alcoholism is a far bigger issue and more worthy of divorce. But I guess some might equate the two.

You're correct in your assertion.

Drunken rage is a definite thing.

Ever heard of someone flying into a pot rage? No. Because it doesn't happen.

I love how all of the people on this thread acting like OP is justified in her reactions or that this is somehow divorce-worthy have practically zero experience with THC.

It literally takes the edge off. That's it. It doesn't put you into an inoperable stupor. I can parent kids just fine on it. I can do my job, interact with colleagues and clients, I can even complete my MBA while using. It's not what you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse neither uses pot or drinks, but I think alcoholism is a far bigger issue and more worthy of divorce. But I guess some might equate the two.

Thanks for that really helpful insight.

I do think we have one sock puppeter in here posting all this pro-cannabis rhetoric. We get it. You don't need to keep it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse neither uses pot or drinks, but I think alcoholism is a far bigger issue and more worthy of divorce. But I guess some might equate the two.

Thanks for that really helpful insight.

I do think we have one sock puppeter in here posting all this pro-cannabis rhetoric. We get it. You don't need to keep it up.

It’s not me. This is my fourth post, but like I said I don’t use pot or alcohol. Neither does my spouse.