Setting hard limits with DH on pot use

[Anonymous]

DH got his MMC behind my back last Mar/April, first as a “quarantine thing”, but has since devolved into nightly usage. Despite our many conversations, he continues to go into the garage at night once the youngest has gone to sleep, get high, then come back in the house to basically watch movies in the dark, but our older teens are still kind of up and about. I have had conversations with him about not sitting around stoned with our children, where he says he sees my point and will stop yet he continues to do it. Tonight we were watching a movie with our 16 yr old DD he gets up goes and gets high and comes back to finish the film. Says the same thing he always does, noted and I won’t do it again. Obviously this means nothing. Please tell me what to do here?

[Anonymous]

Do you drink every evening? If so, perhaps you can create a challenge to stop all substances together?

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. This would enrage me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. This would enrage me.

Maybe you should smoke a little. Rage is not good. All that cortisol.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I would never remain married to someone who smoked pot at all, much less every night. My answer to this would be an ultimatum that he stop or we get divorced

[Anonymous]

Which part of it bothers you? I assume he's smoking - would you care if he was microdosing or taking a small amount of edibles? Is that considerably different from drinking to you? And if he's willing to do it after kids go to sleep, would that make any difference to you?

I think it's reasonable to say that you aren't comfortable with either of you being in an impaired state in front of your children, but if he is no more impaired than a glass of wine you might have a tough time with this battle, especially if he agrees to only doing it after they go to sleep/not in front of them.

[Anonymous]

I assure you the teens already realize their dad is smoking weed daily, the smell is unmistakable.

[Anonymous]

Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you drink every evening? If so, perhaps you can create a challenge to stop all substances together?

No I do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

So you don’t think it’s a fair compromise the that he partake when our children aren’t around? That it’s okay to sit there looking stoned (which he does) in front of our teens? Guess I’m a seriously shitty wife then. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assure you the teens already realize their dad is smoking weed daily, the smell is unmistakable.

He used a vape pen, there is no smell. The only detectable thing is the look on his face and his eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you drink every evening? If so, perhaps you can create a challenge to stop all substances together?

No I do not.

Lol. What’s up with people comparing a glass of beer or wine to getting high?!! Hello...you realize you’re just trying to rationalize a gross & addictive habit.

[Anonymous]

He IS using it when your kids aren’t around - he goes out to the garage, sparing them the odor and smoke.

What does it matter if he sits there ‘looking stoned’? What does that mean anyway - he sits there all mellow? Are his eyes red? Get him some eye drops.

The bigger thing is, why are you being such a Puritan about this? Marijuana is legal for medicinal use because it’s effective and safe - much safer than benzodiazepines and even SSRIs/SNRIs. John Boehner is heavily invested in the medical marijuana industry now, so are many other conservatives.

Your teenage kids don’t have the attitude toward marijuana that you do, unless they got it from you. The world has changed and this country is finally coming to its senses about how ridiculous and damaging all the Reefer Madness propaganda was and how we’ve wrecked millions of lives over a substance that is far less harmless than alcohol.

I’m sorry I called you a shitty wife, that was a very poor persuasion tactic and it just wasn’t nice either. I’m trying very hard to be nicer to strangers online.

Seriously, please take some time to reconsider your attitudes about cannabis. Start by stopping your habit of calling it pot, and your habit of now thinking of your DH as a pot head. Think instead about how you’d feel if your DH succumbed to his anxiety/depression/chronic insomnia/stress/whatever that he is battling and for which he was approved to get a MMC.

Just FYI, I’m a former prosecutor and I know up close and personal the dirty little secret - that lots of the law & order types who sold us all on the war on drugs and the evils of weed are also folks who enjoyed it themselves whenever they wanted and benefitted from being the type of people whose lives would never be ruined over it. The decades long campaign to indoctrinate the American people on the evils of weed is finally dying; be on the right side of history AND be a supportive wife. This is not a terrible thing. Your kids won’t think less of their dad for him using cannabis unless YOU plant that seed.

[Anonymous]

*Far less HARMFUL than alcohol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone’s a serious control freak.

Cannabis is an excellent and highly effective treatment for stress, anxiety and depression - things that cause men to drop dead of heart attacks or commit suicide. We’re in the middle of a once in a century pandemic, economic meltdown, and crisis in our democracy and we’re all distressed about the impact it is having on our children. Your husband is legally utilizing a medicinal herb to address his mental health and you aren’t articulating a single behavior that he’s engaging in that is detrimental to you or your children except the very fact that he’s utilizing a legal substance to address his mental health.

You sound like a seriously shitty wife. You and your ‘enraged’ buddy are the ones with a problem, not your husband.

NP. LOL. What kind of man is so emotionally and mentally frail that he needs to get stoned every day? If he's depressed there are real meds for that, and therapy. Hubby just wants to get stoned and check out and leave all the parenting and household responsibilities to his wife. And exercise is 1000x more effective at reducing anxiety and stress. I think the OP should shred his MMC and put a peloton in the garage with a big bow on it. Lardy stoner husband needs to step it up.