"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of times the kids I see who are using alcohol or drugs or socially precocious are that way because of physical, sexual or emotional abuse in the household. However I have had experiences with one daughters' (former) friend where there was no physical abuse but it was the mom who was really fostering the early interest in boys and sex.

I remember walking over one day to pick up my daughter from a birthday party when the kids were in 4th grade. The mom engaged me in a side conversation and talked nonstop about which boys there would make good boyfriends for the girls. Her comments ranged from socioeconomic comparisons to listings of physical attributes of the boys, all in a non-stop gushing kind of way. It was eye-opening to listen to her. After that conversation we began to disengage our daughter from the friendship. The girls attended the same middle and high schools so we continued to encounter the mom and her daughter for another 8 years. It was patently obvious that the girl had a lot of pressure from her mom to have a boyfriend and to be "popular." It was pretty sad to watch a girl who was very smart diminish herself to her mom's level in an effort to conform to her mom's expectations. Interestingly it wasn't necessarily a social class issue of a mom who "married up" and wanted to see her daughter do the same. The mom came from a well-known and very wealthy local family. I think it is what she learned and now what she has trained her daughter to be. It is pretty sad.

We have jumped the shark.

[Anonymous]

Actually I don't think puberty is it at all. I started early, at 9 and I stayed a kid way longer than slot of kid and never experimented or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was fast - I had sex at age 13, and experimented with alcohol and marijuana. I used to sneak out with guys - some even over the age of 18. I don't think it was a lack of parenting or bi-polar disorder or anything like that. I think it was a combination of early puberty and low self-esteem. I am socially awkward, so when my body developed and boys expressed interest in me, it was easier to be physically sexy than communicate in other ways.

My weren’t you a little slut

Thanks!

Or maybe you could look at it as men out of high school groomed a 7th grader to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Desperate for attention. Neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question- are boys also fast or is there another term?

Mannish

Apparently the official definition of mannish is a woman with manly characteristics, but in the South I've only heard it used to describe "fast" or "grown" behaving boys.

Like that Muddy Waters song, Mannish Boy.

Oh that song is killer, I forgot about that song entirely.

[Anonymous]

I was probably a fast teen. Had sex at a young age (16 with steady boyfriend, first love), drank early (8th grade), but was also a mature teen as well. I learned in high school that drinking wasn’t as cool as I thought when I was younger in middle school. My mom was a SAHM and I had plenty of supervision. My dad had a job that traveled the world and I was very lucky to go with him and my mom on many trips. I was aware that some of my friends moms thought I was a bad influence.

In the end, I turned out ok. Have a “successful” job, amazing spouse and two cute kids. What more could I ask for? My fast youth years were just a blip in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a secret class in fourth grade in which they accelerate the growth impulse. So, that’s where they are taught to want to drink, have sex and vape. It’s all very hush hush and marketed to kids who have been abused or whose parents have divorced. The Koch Brothers fund it.

ROFLMAO

[Anonymous]

Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

Exactly. My 14 yo kid thinks he is 21 in terms of how he wants to interact with the world. He leaves the house seeking adventure, gets himself paid jobs, finds girls to date, and meets up with his fellow "interesting" friends. Obviously when things go south he gets grounded or faces other punishments, but I can't be on top of his every waking minute. It's a hard balance between locking him down and keeping the lines of communication open. It's his personality; he's always been too big for his britches. In another era, he'd have been an apprentice to a brickmaker or a skpper on a ship or faking his age to get into the army.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

Exactly. My 14 yo kid thinks he is 21 in terms of how he wants to interact with the world. He leaves the house seeking adventure, gets himself paid jobs, finds girls to date, and meets up with his fellow "interesting" friends. Obviously when things go south he gets grounded or faces other punishments, but I can't be on top of his every waking minute. It's a hard balance between locking him down and keeping the lines of communication open. It's his personality; he's always been too big for his britches. In another era, he'd have been an apprentice to a brickmaker or a skpper on a ship or faking his age to get into the army.

What kinds of jobs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

Thankfully now there are alarms, cameras and more to help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

Exactly. My 14 yo kid thinks he is 21 in terms of how he wants to interact with the world. He leaves the house seeking adventure, gets himself paid jobs, finds girls to date, and meets up with his fellow "interesting" friends. Obviously when things go south he gets grounded or faces other punishments, but I can't be on top of his every waking minute. It's a hard balance between locking him down and keeping the lines of communication open. It's his personality; he's always been too big for his britches. In another era, he'd have been an apprentice to a brickmaker or a skpper on a ship or faking his age to get into the army.

Actually you can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

Exactly. My 14 yo kid thinks he is 21 in terms of how he wants to interact with the world. He leaves the house seeking adventure, gets himself paid jobs, finds girls to date, and meets up with his fellow "interesting" friends. Obviously when things go south he gets grounded or faces other punishments, but I can't be on top of his every waking minute. It's a hard balance between locking him down and keeping the lines of communication open. It's his personality; he's always been too big for his britches. In another era, he'd have been an apprentice to a brickmaker or a skpper on a ship or faking his age to get into the army.

I’m the PP who posted about my HS BF being like this and yes, I think this is spot on. It didn’t help that his parents kind of didn’t GAF, but he was also innately like that to a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early puberty, risk-taking personality, and lack of supervision.

I don’t get the people here saying parenting doesn’t play a role. I have a 14-year-old who doesn’t even go to parties. He plays online games with friends, goes to sports, and walks the dog. Where in there would he be smoking pot and having sex?

In contrast, I had a boyfriend once who said he first had sex at 13, with an older girl. I can’t even imagine when or how. When mine was 13 he still played with legos.

If it was me, he would be climbing out the window. Really some kids are so awful they just can’t be controlled with good parenting. That said I think that parents who are emotionally absent/don’t at least try to enforce form boundaries are far more likely to have kids like this.

Thankfully now there are alarms, cameras and more to help with that.

Man you guys are naive. You think you can cage a kid in a house? What about when they’re going to and from school? When you’re sleeping? In the shower? Maybe, god forbid, when you take a night out for yourselves? A camera or alarm system isn’t going to stop that. If a kid is determined enough they’ll get out of the house. In fact I think that a parent who sets up an alarm system so their kid stays inside is just asking for more defiance.