"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that being mature means dating young and drinking? Because I don't.

I mean mature in their interests, dress, etc.

OP, I think you're talking around something, and it's making your post confusing.

Do you mean mature as in dressing like an urban 20 year old? Mature as in connecting better with adults? Mature as in wearing revealing clothing?

Are you asking why some kids are interested in romantic relationships (or just hooking up) early? Are you asking why some kids drink?

Can you describe a "fast" boy?

Geez, do you not know the meaning of "fast" in this sense? It is a socially and sexually precocious child--they abandon childish pursuits and "date", drink, and potentially drug, earlier than their peers. No one calls a child who cooks dinner for their family and chit chats comfortably with Grandma's friends "fast". That's just a responsible, mature child.

For the old people, a fast child is Drew Barrymore going to rehab at 13. It’s incredibly sad to see old grainy videos of her as a little girl getting drunk in clubs.

In her case, it was a parent who treated their child like a peer/friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lack of parenting

+1
Our DD good friend is child #3, with her older sister in college. The parents just let kid #3 wing it, they are not as involved in monitoring the kid's activities and she has unlimited and constant access to the internet.

She has learned things from her older sister and the internet, that kids her age mostly shouldn't know about until they are much older. We had to limit our DD's time at her house as it was clearly influencing our kid too. (Which is ok, kids all grow up eventually....) But, we prefer to slow it down if possible.

[Anonymous]

I think it has the most to do with outlying good looks.
The kids I know who are physically attractive outliers (i.e. they are just really beautiful or "hot") have always grown up early.

I have 3 kids of my own and live in the wealthy private school world. Each of my kids had a handful of friends or classmates who could have been called "fast" from their young teens. Among them were always the most physically attractive of the grade. With beauty (male and female) comes the strong potential for baggage.

[Anonymous]

Parents who want their kids to be popular and push the agenda early. And sadly kids from dysfunctional homes.

People like to point to having older siblings but that’s not it unless one of the above factors is also present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it has the most to do with outlying good looks.
The kids I know who are physically attractive outliers (i.e. they are just really beautiful or "hot") have always grown up early.

I have 3 kids of my own and live in the wealthy private school world. Each of my kids had a handful of friends or classmates who could have been called "fast" from their young teens. Among them were always the most physically attractive of the grade. With beauty (male and female) comes the strong potential for baggage.

Haha, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A child whose family doesn’t feel like home will seek attention elsewhere, at their detriment, in order to belong.

This is it. Not having a parent that you feel will be there for you no matter what. Having a parent who is overwhelmed and is focused on other things in their life so they don’t tune in to yours. Having a parent who had to grow up too fast and so they see you as a peer and don’t know how to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about kids who date young, who seem super mature, experiment with drinking early and so forth.

Abuse and neglect. Family influence. Dysfunction in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has the most to do with outlying good looks.
The kids I know who are physically attractive outliers (i.e. they are just really beautiful or "hot") have always grown up early.

I have 3 kids of my own and live in the wealthy private school world. Each of my kids had a handful of friends or classmates who could have been called "fast" from their young teens. Among them were always the most physically attractive of the grade. With beauty (male and female) comes the strong potential for baggage.

Haha, no.

definitely is in my kid's experience.

[Anonymous]

They never learned impulse control.

Something lacking from the parent-child relationship leaves them lost and searching as adults.

If wealthy and without parenting, can also think they can just take what they want...because they probably can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that being mature means dating young and drinking? Because I don't.

I mean mature in their interests, dress, etc.

The word you are looking for is "precocious."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Older siblings is a BIG one. I saw it when my oldest child was young and in some ways I see my third child being mature for her age.

-Another one is early puberty, especially breast development in girls. One of my daughter's friends developed breasts at age 10. By age 11 older boys were showing an interest in her and she started noticing the attention and eventually reciprocated it. The boys completely ignored my daughter who was flat as can be until almost age 14. Had the boys been chasing her at 10 I'm sure we would have been dealing with everything at 11 too.

I noticed the same thing in my DD’s cohort. I do wonder if it’s not just the attention early-developing girls get, but that hormones actually make them more prone to the riskier behavior at a younger age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A child whose family doesn’t feel like home will seek attention elsewhere, at their detriment, in order to belong.

This is it. Not having a parent that you feel will be there for you no matter what. Having a parent who is overwhelmed and is focused on other things in their life so they don’t tune in to yours. Having a parent who had to grow up too fast and so they see you as a peer and don’t know how to be a parent.

This. I'm not saying this is the only factor but every kid I know who doesn't have a stable home life, regardless of SES is "fast."

[Anonymous]

Permissive parenting, loneliness.

[Anonymous]

Lack of parenting. Our next door neighbor even bought her 15 year old DD a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it has the most to do with outlying good looks.
The kids I know who are physically attractive outliers (i.e. they are just really beautiful or "hot") have always grown up early.

I have 3 kids of my own and live in the wealthy private school world. Each of my kids had a handful of friends or classmates who could have been called "fast" from their young teens. Among them were always the most physically attractive of the grade. With beauty (male and female) comes the strong potential for baggage.

Haha, no.

Haha yes. The less attractive hanger ons live vicariously through the attractive girls. The male attention starts early for the prettiest girls and they are typically not the sporty ones. It’s the ultra feminine ones. That doesn’t mean that all of these girls are interested.