"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is using the word "mature" but doesn't mean that. I think OP means wild.

OP, the wild kids are the ones who think dressing older and drinking and partying MAKES them mature.

My daughter didn't drink until her junior year of college, but as a sophomore in high school took mass transit with a friend into NYC for a long weekend and they ran around going to all the museums and two Broadway plays. The girls wouldn't have been allowed to do that if they weren't mature enough to be street smart and make good decisions.

You only know what she tells you. I didn’t drink until college too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think that being mature means dating young and drinking? Because I don't.

I mean mature in their interests, dress, etc.

OP, I think you're talking around something, and it's making your post confusing.

Do you mean mature as in dressing like an urban 20 year old? Mature as in connecting better with adults? Mature as in wearing revealing clothing?

Are you asking why some kids are interested in romantic relationships (or just hooking up) early? Are you asking why some kids drink?

Can you describe a "fast" boy?

give us a break, we all know what the question means. answer it or move on.

[Anonymous]

This question is hard to answer universally -- look at families with siblings. One or two might be rule followers and one or two might be into drinking and sex at a young age. Same parents, same rules.

Sometimes its the personality, sometimes its the friends they spend a lot of time with in their formative years (12/13/14) and the boundaries those friends have, and sometimes its a traumatic event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question is hard to answer universally -- look at families with siblings. One or two might be rule followers and one or two might be into drinking and sex at a young age. Same parents, same rules.

Sometimes its the personality, sometimes its the friends they spend a lot of time with in their formative years (12/13/14) and the boundaries those friends have, and sometimes its a traumatic event.

Agree with this.

My parents didn’t have very many hard and fast rules. But up until I left for college, I always told them where I was going, I always called when I got there, and I always knew what time to expect me home. I never actually had a curfew because they knew where I was every second. That was all me. I just felt like it was a courtesy to let them know so they wouldn’t worry. That’s just how I’m wired.

[Anonymous]

My parents were insanely strict and I rebelled.

Kids who are older than their cohorts seem fast to me. All these red-shirted kids end up catching up by high school and then compensate. They're the ones driving earlier, drinking earlier, and having sex earlier relative to their grade-level peers (although perhaps not to their biological age peers).

Personally, I think a lot depends on peer group. If your child ends up in a slower peer group, that will slow down the rate of certain activities. If you kid is in a fast group, your kid will more likely end up on the fast track.

[Anonymous]

-Older siblings is a BIG one. I saw it when my oldest child was young and in some ways I see my third child being mature for her age.

-Another one is early puberty, especially breast development in girls. One of my daughter's friends developed breasts at age 10. By age 11 older boys were showing an interest in her and she started noticing the attention and eventually reciprocated it. The boys completely ignored my daughter who was flat as can be until almost age 14. Had the boys been chasing her at 10 I'm sure we would have been dealing with everything at 11 too.

[Anonymous]

They pick it up at slumber parties and then go on to rule the school.

[Anonymous]

Former wild child here. My mom was insanely strict - gave me no wiggle room to have fun, so I just rebelled. My dad was clueless.

I had SO much fun. Some really good memories.

I settled down when I was about 20 and have pretty much been a square ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question is hard to answer universally -- look at families with siblings. One or two might be rule followers and one or two might be into drinking and sex at a young age. Same parents, same rules.

Sometimes its the personality, sometimes its the friends they spend a lot of time with in their formative years (12/13/14) and the boundaries those friends have, and sometimes its a traumatic event.

This, but also:

Sometimes parents react to their older kid's behavior and that reaction has a different effect on younger kids. In my family, my older brother was "fast" -- lots of drinking and partying. It was partly due to inattentive parenting, as others have noted, but also my parents just not really being prepared for the teenage years. And also a general failure to instill certain qualities in their kids (self-confidence and self-worth) that made him particularly susceptible to running with a fast crowd.

Well of course they freaked out and came down very hard on my sister and I, with lots of rules as well as a lot of moralizing (drinking is "bad", drugs and sex are immoral), so we were super good two shoes through high school, though also not at all self-confident, just too afraid of our parents to try anything. I had a curfew of 8pm until I graduated from high school.

And yes, gender absolutely plays a role in this, too. "Fast" girls face a lot more reprobation than boys due, and thus I think are less likely to do this (and punished more harshly by society when they do).

But the point is, it is parenting, but it's not so simple as keeping a tight rein on your kids. You need to view them as people and figure out how to help them build skill sets and then give them independence in which to use those skills. It's not one or the other, it's both.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Pretty sure you just made that up.

[Anonymous]

Permissive parenting, lack of supervision, and decline of moral values in society as a whole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Pretty sure you just made that up.

I actually agree with that. Parents seem to be ok with kids acting older and facilitating it. Think of how many posts there about parents saying their kids act to immature and too childish. However, I think trauma and dysfunctional home lives play a big part with some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a secret class in fourth grade in which they accelerate the growth impulse. So, that’s where they are taught to want to drink, have sex and vape. It’s all very hush hush and marketed to kids who have been abused or whose parents have divorced. The Koch Brothers fund it.

I like how you threw the Koch's under the bus with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they tend to be kids who have an innately high EQ, such that their parents stop worrying about them and so stop supervising them at a much younger age that is typical. So, while they seem mature and know how to manipulate adults (and others), they do not in fact have fully developed frontal lobes yet, so they do stupid things without getting caught.

This. Sometimes it can be earlier trauma, but sometimes the kids are really popular and seem much older than they really are. Throw in lack of parental supervision, and "fast."