"Fast" kids -- how do they get that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older siblings for one

This seems to be a big factor in some cases. I try to be cognizant of it with kids that are only 2 years apart, not letting the younger one feel pushed too early

[Anonymous]

I fell into this category... I had an all most nonexistent relationship with my dad (since I was a toddler) and a tumultuous/angry relationship with my stepdad (we hated each other). My mom was in over her head with work and my younger siblings so basically neglected me. I remember obsessively craving male attention and affection. It was always with age-appropriate partners but it was not healthy. I absolutely would not want my sons anywhere near a girl like I was.

[Anonymous]

Everyone posting that these kids are "unsupervised" and have a "lack of parenting" are just trying to make yourselves feel better. This could be any kid. My parents were up my a$$. My mom scared the $hit out of me, but I still did things, sexually, at a very young age that I should not have been doing. I had a boyfriend, we were the same age, in middle school, that everyone thought we were super cute and innocent. And we did love each other very much, but we had basically done everything but sleep together by the time we were 12. TWELVE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Pretty sure you just made that up.

I agree with this. I see it with the parents who want their kids to walk home alone at 7 years old.

[Anonymous]

That's not what the poster meant. Trying to push them to give up being a kid earlier and earlier. Starting with tweens, saying you are too old to xyz. Letting kids have freedom is not what this is.

[Anonymous]

Please give me a medal for reading all the responses so I could understand what a "fast" kid is.

[Anonymous]

Parents seem to want their kids to box up their child's and put them away when they're only 10 or11 anymore, it is really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Pretty sure you just made that up.

I agree with this. I see it with the parents who want their kids to walk home alone at 7 years old.

Huh? Walking home alone at 7 is not the same thing as wanting your kid to be cool. A lot of 7 year olds are perfectly capable of walking themselves to their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please give me a medal for reading all the responses so I could understand what a "fast" kid is.

Between their usage of the words “fast” and “mature” I feel like OP must be older. It sounds so retro.

[Anonymous]

Older siblings sometimes cause this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they tend to be kids who have an innately high EQ, such that their parents stop worrying about them and so stop supervising them at a much younger age that is typical. So, while they seem mature and know how to manipulate adults (and others), they do not in fact have fully developed frontal lobes yet, so they do stupid things without getting caught.

This. Sometimes it can be earlier trauma, but sometimes the kids are really popular and seem much older than they really are. Throw in lack of parental supervision, and "fast."

This was me, especially if you throw in my absent, divorced parents. I got good grades and stayed out of trouble at school, but at 15 I was having sex (with 1 BF), doing ecstasy and other drugs, drinking, skipping school to hit the maximum 20 absences per year, staying out all night, and other not so safe things. Where I grew up, this was normal, so early experiences plus peers matter too. My parents partied. We all had easy access to drugs and alcohol. We grew up this way.

Had my parents been involved and had resources, my sibling and I would probably be in a better place. I got my sh:t together but struggle with depression. My younger sibling is a full blown addict, and sometimes I think it’s because she got fewer “good” years—I had the advantage of being the first born and was doted upon for a few years until everything fell apart.

Tl; dr : (1) parenting (2) peers (3) genetic predisposition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone posting that these kids are "unsupervised" and have a "lack of parenting" are just trying to make yourselves feel better. This could be any kid. My parents were up my a$$. My mom scared the $hit out of me, but I still did things, sexually, at a very young age that I should not have been doing. I had a boyfriend, we were the same age, in middle school, that everyone thought we were super cute and innocent. And we did love each other very much, but we had basically done everything but sleep together by the time we were 12. TWELVE.

That's not the type of parenting we are talking about. If you could do all that they weren't supervising or parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it stems from parents who want their kids to grow up too quickly. Look At all the 7 year olds with phones now. No one wants their kid left out... keep up with the Jones’s mentality. This carries into the teen years too. Parents let the kids do too much because they ( the parents) want to be cool.

Pretty sure you just made that up.

I agree with this. I see it with the parents who want their kids to walk home alone at 7 years old.

Huh? Walking home alone at 7 is not the same thing as wanting your kid to be cool. A lot of 7 year olds are perfectly capable of walking themselves to their home.

7 year olds should not be walking home alone and if they do they should have a phone for safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is hard to answer universally -- look at families with siblings. One or two might be rule followers and one or two might be into drinking and sex at a young age. Same parents, same rules.

Sometimes its the personality, sometimes its the friends they spend a lot of time with in their formative years (12/13/14) and the boundaries those friends have, and sometimes its a traumatic event.

Agree with this.

My parents didn’t have very many hard and fast rules. But up until I left for college, I always told them where I was going, I always called when I got there, and I always knew what time to expect me home. I never actually had a curfew because they knew where I was every second. That was all me. I just felt like it was a courtesy to let them know so they wouldn’t worry. That’s just how I’m wired.

This is how my parens were. If I was late, I had to call. I also knew where they were too. And, this was pre-cell phone days. There is no excuse not to know where you kids are with cell phones and to call and verify if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about kids who date young, who seem super mature, experiment with drinking early and so forth.

It's innate. Everyone is different.