“Can you serve me some?” How would you reply?
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Anonymous
+1000 Women excusing sexist men under the pretense of “manners” are revolting. |
Anonymous
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Welcome to 2020. We don’t do the 1950s stuff anymore.
I specifically remember my mom asking only my sister and I to clear the table, when my brother was allowed to keep sitting and talking. I vowed to set a much better example for my daughters. I don’t treat male guests like kings and expect help From women. Either DH and I formally host everyone and do all the work, or we informally host and you are free to go through the buffet and pour yourself a drink. If a woman offers to help, we only accept if men are helping too. There is no men watch football while women work in our house. |
Anonymous
If the woman is the hostess of the event, then it is her role to serve or to supervise service. If it is a man who is the host of the event, then it is his role to serve or to supervise service. In this case, OP has identified a gender as female. Her responsibilities as hostess don't disappear because she is female. I'm sorry you're stuck in a stereotype loop but the circumstances of host/hostess responsibilities take precedence over your own biases. |
Anonymous
If she and her husband are *co-hosting* an event, especially an informal buffet, guests can politely ask BOTH their hosts for assistance. If needed, they can wait a few precious moments for that assistance. No need to ask Susan to serve you in her hands are full and YOUR SON is also hosting you. Do you get it? People with penisis can host, too! The More You Know... |
Anonymous
“Yes, I can” |
Anonymous
My FIL has a touch of this. My main tactic would be to immediately turn to my DH and say "DH, your father would like X" and then I'd move along while doing nothing. If I was cornered and DH wasn't around I'd do the following: During the buffet line I'd just say "Once I'm done with the kids plates". Or during the table passing I'd say "shrimp is on it's way" and ignore the out stretched plate. |
Anonymous
Lol. You aren’t the decider of what defines a responsibility versus a bias oh narcissistic one. How often is the man the identified “host?” Really? Most times, never. Calling a woman a “hostess,” particularly if her male partner never takes a turn as “host,” is the very definition of creating a label to excuse gender based inequality. However, I’m fully aware saying this to you is like talking to a doorknob. Luckily, your way of viewing the world is quickly disappearing for the new generations of females. Hooray for that! |
Anonymous
Sixty is not old. My mother retired at 72, she was a power machine operator in a factory. GTFOH, he was an executive and as OP said is still quite meticulous. He knows exactly what he is doing. Stop serving him or let his wife do it. |
Anonymous
Lol. Thanks “hostess!” |
Anonymous
| It amazes me how many people how many people comment and don’t READ for clarity. This isn’t an event she is hosting , they are quarantining with the in-laws, so she is not a hostess. |
Anonymous
| I would simply say that I’ll hand him the serving spoon when I’m done. |
Anonymous
Is this a southern thing? My mom would make plates for my brother his whole life. Even now if the family is together, he will ask her to fix his plate. My mom and aunts expected me to do the same for my husband. Yeah, no. |
Anonymous
| My fil was like this. The man would never make a single food item for himself. He never made a sandwich for himself. He assumes it's a woman job to get his food and if mil isn't around, he expects another woman to do it. |
Anonymous
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This is what happens when nobody stops this obnoxious behavior for decades. Boys will be boys! Oh, he loves me to serve him, he must love me! Oh, how sweet, he is eager for your cooking. What is the harm in it, just go along!
Do you know my FIL's female friend, not girlfriend, a friend, among a huge fmaily gathering where we had loads of food, served him a special meal since BBQ was not good enough for him? Made him tacos, and assembled them for him! And his dd and sons were all, that's how dad likes it! He didn't even have to ask! Yes, his hands and feet are working perfectly well! And yes, that day was nephew's birthday, so SIL ordered Chinese in addition to Honey Baked Ham and turkey we had, potatoes, and the bbq with salads and other things! I am not even joking. A whole other meal of tacos with all the fixins was separately prepared as that is what FIL wanted to eat! |
Anonymous
“No, I can’t” |