“Can you serve me some?” How would you reply?

[Anonymous]

Whenever we share a meal with a certain older (but totally able-bodied) relative, he will try to “cut the line” to have someone serve him. If we are serving buffet style, he’ll reach his arm in and say “can you just put some on my plate?” as I’m actively preparing my own plate. Or if we are seated and passing the food, he’ll reach his arm out and ask for something from the other end of the table that is being passed down but not to him yet. “Can I have some shrimp?” I want to scream “it’s coming! Wait your damn turn!” He will be the first to sit down a the table without everything he needs but then ask others to wait on him (can you bring me a fork/napkin/iced tea/whatever.) It’s super annoying as I’m trying to serve myself and my children.

What is the best way to get him to stop this, without sounding bitchy, but also not a doormat?

TIA.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Considering that no one is having big family gatherings with buffet lines, this is really getting your goat OP. Dang.

[Anonymous]

For me, it would depend on his age and his role in the family. I would politely serve someone a generation or more older, and I would definitely do this for a guest in my home. At this point though, the last buffet I attended was during the winter holidays, and I’m not sure when — or if — I’ll be attending another one, so, practically speaking, it would be a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Since I practically never see my relatives, I would be happy to do it.

If you’re annoyed, say “just a minute” and then forget. He’ll move on to another victim.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are in a bubble with my inlaws. It’s FIL. He’s mid 60’s and perfectly capable of serving himself and waiting his turn. He also has a wife capable of waiting on him if that’s their thing.

I just need a response to make him stop asking me. I don’t care if he asks someone else.

[Anonymous]

We always fixed plates for the older relatives. I would ask at the start if he would like me to fix him up a plate while he gets seated.

[Anonymous]

You can't scream it, but you can certainly SAY, "The rolls are making their way down the table, Uncle Bob."

To the other requests, I'd simply smile and say "I'm off duty at the moment" and carry on with whatever I'm doing.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, come ON. Punt it to your husband, each and every time.

"Jim, your dad wants a plate."

If he persists, that's the opening for "I'm off duty at the moment" big smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always fixed plates for the older relatives. I would ask at the start if he would like me to fix him up a plate while he gets seated.

He’s not that old and I see him way too often for this. But good for you! I’m not that nice.

[Anonymous]

"Of course! But I'm just going to finish making my plate first!"

"Sure thing! But let's wait until everyone has served themselves first!"

[Anonymous]

Are you the only person he does this to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are in a bubble with my inlaws. It’s FIL. He’s mid 60’s and perfectly capable of serving himself and waiting his turn. He also has a wife capable of waiting on him if that’s their thing.

I just need a response to make him stop asking me. I don’t care if he asks someone else.

Mid-60s? He can get his own food! Just hold up a finger like you need a moment and finish what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the only person he does this to?

He must like the young women to wait on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the only person he does this to?

OP here. No. He does it to all of us. It’s like he literally doesn’t know how to wait his turn. My toddlers have more patience. Or he thinks we are going to run out of food (not a chance.)