“Can you serve me some?” How would you reply?

[Anonymous]

Are your in-laws at your house?

One way to handle this is to ask him to serve you! Or the kids!

“Oh sure FIL, I’m happy to serve you some potatoes, could you make a plate for Larlo and Larla while I do that? They like their mac n cheese and broccoli made into a drawing of Olaf! Thanks so much!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

Why can't he spoon some f$cking potatoes on his plate and be done with it?

You're probably not insane, but it's weird that you're getting so upset about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your in-laws at your house?

One way to handle this is to ask him to serve you! Or the kids!

“Oh sure FIL, I’m happy to serve you some potatoes, could you make a plate for Larlo and Larla while I do that? They like their mac n cheese and broccoli made into a drawing of Olaf! Thanks so much!”

Haha. This is great!

[Anonymous]

I knew it was your FIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever we share a meal with a certain older (but totally able-bodied) relative, he will try to “cut the line” to have someone serve him. If we are serving buffet style, he’ll reach his arm in and say “can you just put some on my plate?” as I’m actively preparing my own plate. Or if we are seated and passing the food, he’ll reach his arm out and ask for something from the other end of the table that is being passed down but not to him yet. “Can I have some shrimp?” I want to scream “it’s coming! Wait your damn turn!” He will be the first to sit down a the table without everything he needs but then ask others to wait on him (can you bring me a fork/napkin/iced tea/whatever.) It’s super annoying as I’m trying to serve myself and my children.

What is the best way to get him to stop this, without sounding bitchy, but also not a doormat?

TIA.

If it’s a buffet, why are I you preparing your own plate before your guests?

[Anonymous]

" Absolutely. As soon as I finish my plate the kids plates."


Sounds like he's anxious about food. Did he grow up in poverty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever we share a meal with a certain older (but totally able-bodied) relative, he will try to “cut the line” to have someone serve him. If we are serving buffet style, he’ll reach his arm in and say “can you just put some on my plate?” as I’m actively preparing my own plate. Or if we are seated and passing the food, he’ll reach his arm out and ask for something from the other end of the table that is being passed down but not to him yet. “Can I have some shrimp?” I want to scream “it’s coming! Wait your damn turn!” He will be the first to sit down a the table without everything he needs but then ask others to wait on him (can you bring me a fork/napkin/iced tea/whatever.) It’s super annoying as I’m trying to serve myself and my children.

What is the best way to get him to stop this, without sounding bitchy, but also not a doormat?

TIA.

Have you ever asked him to serve you? Maybe you could wait until he gets in line and do what he does to you! Then the next night make it your dh. See what happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" Absolutely. As soon as I finish my plate the kids plates."


Sounds like he's anxious about food. Did he grow up in poverty?

Not at all. And his parents (now deceased) seemed pretty old-school manners wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are your in-laws at your house?

One way to handle this is to ask him to serve you! Or the kids!

“Oh sure FIL, I’m happy to serve you some potatoes, could you make a plate for Larlo and Larla while I do that? They like their mac n cheese and broccoli made into a drawing of Olaf! Thanks so much!”

OMG. I love this poster so much!

[Anonymous]

Calm down. Maybe it’s his personality. Deal with it. You seem to be taking it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I would say maybe you are. It seems human nature to get something off your chest rather than keep doing it and festering anger. That's what OP is doing here, in addition to crowd sourcing possible tactful ways to maybe have it stop.

I would hope to God one of my children would be rude by asking to pass the shrimp so I could take a moment to explain slowly, for a child's developing mind, how "see, we pass the dishes clockwise, one by one as each person serves themselves or the one or two people beside them. See how Granny is serving herself shrimp, next she'll pass it to Dad, then Auntie, then you!"
I imagine this would still go over FIL head though.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what would happen if you invited him to go first, every time.

"Oh George, would you like to get your plate first?"

If he says "no," you can follow up with, "then we'll be out of your way in just a moment -- I'll get the kids's food and get them settled first." I'd probably rely a lot on mishearing and replying "I'll be out of your way in a moment" if he pushes the point.

If he says "yes," then problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" Absolutely. As soon as I finish my plate the kids plates."


Sounds like he's anxious about food. Did he grow up in poverty?

Not at all. And his parents (now deceased) seemed pretty old-school manners wise.

Interesting. I wonder if he’s passive-aggressively trying to claim “guest of honor” status. In his mind, the oldest/most important person there should be served first. So he’s trying to point out to you that he should be deferred to before the kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's clumsy or has a tremor? Does his wife serve him his food at home? Is there a a cultural difference? I'm not from here and always have to remind myself to quietly wait for someone to be done and not reach for something in front of them or interrupt them while they speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what would happen if you invited him to go first, every time.

"Oh George, would you like to get your plate first?"

If he says "no," you can follow up with, "then we'll be out of your way in just a moment -- I'll get the kids's food and get them settled first." I'd probably rely a lot on mishearing and replying "I'll be out of your way in a moment" if he pushes the point.

If he says "yes," then problem solved.

This. If you know he likes to go first, let him go first, or start the food at his end of the table, or whatever. If that still doesn't work because he demurs, then asks you to fix him a plate, I'd take DH aside some time and ask him what's up and tell him he needs to be in charge of getting his father food so you can focus on yourself and the kids.