“Can you serve me some?” How would you reply?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

OP here. I just checked back in after a few days. I’m really surprised at this response. Here’s another example. Pizza boxes are on the island, we are using paper plates, super informal. I walk up to the island with my plate. Open the box of the pizza I would like, and before I can put any on my own plate, FIL sticks his arm in with his plate and says, “can you put 2 on my plate?” If he waited just 25 seconds I would have been done and completely out of his way. My answer was “when I’m finished serving myself I will” but I’d like him to just stop doing this altogether. I think it’s obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my children at any age.

Maybe say "Ill be finished in a moment and then you can help yourself!" with a big smile, then quickly move on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What is the best way to get him to stop this, without sounding bitchy, but also not a doormat?

TIA.

"Sure, Uncle Bob. As soon as I get done my plate."

[Anonymous]

Does it seem he always asks the same person? I wonder if he issues where he can’t grasp the utensil or hand shakes uncontrollably. He might be embarrassed and not want to ask for help. Maybe he overeats and having someone make his plate keeps him accountable on his food intake. I feel
Like there may be an underlying issue and not something as simple as impatience or laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll say it again, OP: he is looking for attention from you, the young DIL. Why else would he reach in front of you and ask you to serve him? DH should step in when this happens and say, “Dad, Lauren is busy—I’ll help you with that.”

Pp. Very possible. My FiL likes the attention.

[Anonymous]

It is weird OP that you seem to think the problem is your FIL. It seems like the problem is you. Why are you so insecure and immature that you cannot show respect for your elders. You should be trying to help them not mock them. Your self-esteem is so low that you're fighting with an elder over who gets the pizza first?

I also don't get how you're always in front of him. It is like you're purposefully causing the problem to create drama. I hope you don't have kids. You sound like a horrible role model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is weird OP that you seem to think the problem is your FIL. It seems like the problem is you. Why are you so insecure and immature that you cannot show respect for your elders. You should be trying to help them not mock them. Your self-esteem is so low that you're fighting with an elder over who gets the pizza first?

I also don't get how you're always in front of him. It is like you're purposefully causing the problem to create drama. I hope you don't have kids. You sound like a horrible role model.

+1

I think this is probably due to how she was raised, PP.

OP, you sound really gauche.

[Anonymous]

"My Pleasure!" with a warm enthusiastic smile.

[Anonymous]

The FIL is a pig and he's treating the DIL like a servant.

We all know this is true. But some folks are more willing to partake in "traditional" roles than others.

It's disgusting.

My response would be "get your own food you lazy arse"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

OP here. I just checked back in after a few days. I’m really surprised at this response. Here’s another example. Pizza boxes are on the island, we are using paper plates, super informal. I walk up to the island with my plate. Open the box of the pizza I would like, and before I can put any on my own plate, FIL sticks his arm in with his plate and says, “can you put 2 on my plate?” If he waited just 25 seconds I would have been done and completely out of his way. My answer was “when I’m finished serving myself I will” but I’d like him to just stop doing this altogether. I think it’s obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my children at any age.

I'm the PP. I honestly don't really get this one either, you're standing in front of open pizza boxes and someone asks you to hand them one? This happens all the time in my house when there is pizza around. Maybe I am misunderstanding but I would also not think twice about my kid coming up with a plate when I was in front of the boxes and asking for a piece. Did you have a plate yourself? I mean I'd just put one on my plate and then put one on his plate. This whole thing is like a 10 second interaction, took a lot longer to write this post than to put the pizza on the plate.

But that is why I said it really sounds like you are just generally looking for times when he does this and finding him overall extremely annoying. Which is fine? Maybe he is generally a very irritating person! Hard to tell, but these examples you're giving just seem like...something I would zero time being upset about. If he was pushing you out of the way to get to the pizza, or like, grabbing your hand to stop you serving yourself, or pouting and whining if you served your kids first, or ONLY asking you to do these things, that's all stuff I could buy, but honestly like, asking the person in front of the box for a slice is just...normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

I'm going to guess THIS is the problem. He does not do it to "everyone". He does it only to WOMEN. I'd bet $500 right now he's never asked his son-in-law to serve him food. I'd also bet after dinner he sits on the couch without a second thought as to who will do the dishes.

OP said in another post he does it to everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

OP here. I just checked back in after a few days. I’m really surprised at this response. Here’s another example. Pizza boxes are on the island, we are using paper plates, super informal. I walk up to the island with my plate. Open the box of the pizza I would like, and before I can put any on my own plate, FIL sticks his arm in with his plate and says, “can you put 2 on my plate?” If he waited just 25 seconds I would have been done and completely out of his way. My answer was “when I’m finished serving myself I will” but I’d like him to just stop doing this altogether. I think it’s obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my children at any age.

I'm the PP. I honestly don't really get this one either, you're standing in front of open pizza boxes and someone asks you to hand them one? This happens all the time in my house when there is pizza around. Maybe I am misunderstanding but I would also not think twice about my kid coming up with a plate when I was in front of the boxes and asking for a piece. Did you have a plate yourself? I mean I'd just put one on my plate and then put one on his plate. This whole thing is like a 10 second interaction, took a lot longer to write this post than to put the pizza on the plate.

But that is why I said it really sounds like you are just generally looking for times when he does this and finding him overall extremely annoying. Which is fine? Maybe he is generally a very irritating person! Hard to tell, but these examples you're giving just seem like...something I would zero time being upset about. If he was pushing you out of the way to get to the pizza, or like, grabbing your hand to stop you serving yourself, or pouting and whining if you served your kids first, or ONLY asking you to do these things, that's all stuff I could buy, but honestly like, asking the person in front of the box for a slice is just...normal?

If there is a line, you are rude. Wait your turn. Simple. Would you do this at a buffet out in public?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

OP here. I just checked back in after a few days. I’m really surprised at this response. Here’s another example. Pizza boxes are on the island, we are using paper plates, super informal. I walk up to the island with my plate. Open the box of the pizza I would like, and before I can put any on my own plate, FIL sticks his arm in with his plate and says, “can you put 2 on my plate?” If he waited just 25 seconds I would have been done and completely out of his way. My answer was “when I’m finished serving myself I will” but I’d like him to just stop doing this altogether. I think it’s obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my children at any age.

I'm the PP. I honestly don't really get this one either, you're standing in front of open pizza boxes and someone asks you to hand them one? This happens all the time in my house when there is pizza around. Maybe I am misunderstanding but I would also not think twice about my kid coming up with a plate when I was in front of the boxes and asking for a piece. Did you have a plate yourself? I mean I'd just put one on my plate and then put one on his plate. This whole thing is like a 10 second interaction, took a lot longer to write this post than to put the pizza on the plate.

But that is why I said it really sounds like you are just generally looking for times when he does this and finding him overall extremely annoying. Which is fine? Maybe he is generally a very irritating person! Hard to tell, but these examples you're giving just seem like...something I would zero time being upset about. If he was pushing you out of the way to get to the pizza, or like, grabbing your hand to stop you serving yourself, or pouting and whining if you served your kids first, or ONLY asking you to do these things, that's all stuff I could buy, but honestly like, asking the person in front of the box for a slice is just...normal?

If there is a line, you are rude. Wait your turn. Simple. Would you do this at a buffet out in public?!

A buffet out in public is not a pizza box in your house? So no...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the only person he does this to?

OP here. No. He does it to all of us. It’s like he literally doesn’t know how to wait his turn. My toddlers have more patience. Or he thinks we are going to run out of food (not a chance.)

I'm just bumping this response on PAGE ONE for everyone who doesn't read of OP clearly saying this is not a 'woman serve me' type thing, he does it to everyone.

I am a person who thinks OP is mental OR that FIL is very annoying in a bunch of other ways and this is just what she's fixating on.

I do not think women are intended to serve or that a host always has to give the oldest person first dibs via etiquette. I just think sometimes old people are quirky and that if they are otherwise loving people that you love than taking 3 seconds to spoon some potatoes to them seems to be a much better alternative to simmering about it for weeks and reading into every single thing the guy says. Food serving is always logistically messy, and is over quickly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

OP here. I just checked back in after a few days. I’m really surprised at this response. Here’s another example. Pizza boxes are on the island, we are using paper plates, super informal. I walk up to the island with my plate. Open the box of the pizza I would like, and before I can put any on my own plate, FIL sticks his arm in with his plate and says, “can you put 2 on my plate?” If he waited just 25 seconds I would have been done and completely out of his way. My answer was “when I’m finished serving myself I will” but I’d like him to just stop doing this altogether. I think it’s obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my children at any age.

I'm the PP. I honestly don't really get this one either, you're standing in front of open pizza boxes and someone asks you to hand them one? This happens all the time in my house when there is pizza around. Maybe I am misunderstanding but I would also not think twice about my kid coming up with a plate when I was in front of the boxes and asking for a piece. Did you have a plate yourself? I mean I'd just put one on my plate and then put one on his plate. This whole thing is like a 10 second interaction, took a lot longer to write this post than to put the pizza on the plate.

But that is why I said it really sounds like you are just generally looking for times when he does this and finding him overall extremely annoying. Which is fine? Maybe he is generally a very irritating person! Hard to tell, but these examples you're giving just seem like...something I would zero time being upset about. If he was pushing you out of the way to get to the pizza, or like, grabbing your hand to stop you serving yourself, or pouting and whining if you served your kids first, or ONLY asking you to do these things, that's all stuff I could buy, but honestly like, asking the person in front of the box for a slice is just...normal?

If there is a line, you are rude. Wait your turn. Simple. Would you do this at a buffet out in public?!

A buffet out in public is not a pizza box in your house? So no...

I model and reinforce good behavior for my kids at home so that I can be sure they show good manners in public. I also show my loved ones the same basic courtesy I show strangers in public. If I don’t treat my love ones with respect and courtesy, my manners in public matter very little.

It seems you have different standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! Just spoon some f$cking potatoes on the guy’s plate and be done with it.

Am I an insane person? Because more and more I’m finding that you all make no sense to me whatsoever. This post and your follow up commentary has taken more time than an entire lifetime of plopping down an extra helping of food on a relative’s plate when he asks for it.

I feel 200% in line with this poster. This seems like a super mental thing to be upset about. He must be bothering you generally and this thing is emblematic of the larger issues? If not that then you seem really overly intense about a minor thing he does to everyone

OP here. I just checked back in after a few days. I’m really surprised at this response. Here’s another example. Pizza boxes are on the island, we are using paper plates, super informal. I walk up to the island with my plate. Open the box of the pizza I would like, and before I can put any on my own plate, FIL sticks his arm in with his plate and says, “can you put 2 on my plate?” If he waited just 25 seconds I would have been done and completely out of his way. My answer was “when I’m finished serving myself I will” but I’d like him to just stop doing this altogether. I think it’s obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t tolerate this from my children at any age.

I'm the PP. I honestly don't really get this one either, you're standing in front of open pizza boxes and someone asks you to hand them one? This happens all the time in my house when there is pizza around. Maybe I am misunderstanding but I would also not think twice about my kid coming up with a plate when I was in front of the boxes and asking for a piece. Did you have a plate yourself? I mean I'd just put one on my plate and then put one on his plate. This whole thing is like a 10 second interaction, took a lot longer to write this post than to put the pizza on the plate.

But that is why I said it really sounds like you are just generally looking for times when he does this and finding him overall extremely annoying. Which is fine? Maybe he is generally a very irritating person! Hard to tell, but these examples you're giving just seem like...something I would zero time being upset about. If he was pushing you out of the way to get to the pizza, or like, grabbing your hand to stop you serving yourself, or pouting and whining if you served your kids first, or ONLY asking you to do these things, that's all stuff I could buy, but honestly like, asking the person in front of the box for a slice is just...normal?

If there is a line, you are rude. Wait your turn. Simple. Would you do this at a buffet out in public?!

A buffet out in public is not a pizza box in your house? So no...

I model and reinforce good behavior for my kids at home so that I can be sure they show good manners in public. I also show my loved ones the same basic courtesy I show strangers in public. If I don’t treat my love ones with respect and courtesy, my manners in public matter very little.

It seems you have different standards.

I don't understand, when a pizza box is delivered to your home or a family outing, you don't have a bunch of people kind of approach the box and then people take/hand out slices kind of haphazardly? This happens regularly with my family. It isn't seen as rude. If someone got the pizza alone maybe they had time to set it up in a row on the counter and a line starts, but frequently they just kind of get opened en masse at the table and maybe I'm in front of the cheese and also want a piece of pepperoni and will say, hey DH will you please grab me one while you're over there and he will do it. It has literally nothing to do with how I would behave at a restaurant in a buffet line which is an inherently different operation. If OP's story was at a restaurant and she was like, putting lettuce on her plate and FIL sidled up and demand that she put lettuce on his plate I would think that was incredibly weird and rude. Because in a buffet there are clear and consistent rules of engagement. Family meal time has much less clear rules.

My kids wait their turn, clear their plates, say please and thank you, all of that is modeled. But they also sometimes ask for food and as long as they do so politely I give it to them. I don't really see extreme rudeness in OP's example.