Would you tell your friends to have kids after this situation?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

Op here - no I just didn’t change my life when we had the new baby. We always did these things with the older kids. I didn’t want to completely upend their lives with the new baby being here. Thankfully I had a very uneventful delivery and recovery so I could do these things early on. It’s harder to do once the baby gets into a set nap schedule and whatnot.

Did you ever think that maybe you SHOULD change your life when you have a new baby? Maybe that’s why you’re on here talking about how this has been the worst month of your life...

After my babies were born I mostly stayed home the first month except for walks. It was a peaceful transition and gave me time to heal and let my children get used to a new baby with lots of attention. Aside from avoiding neighborhood playgrounds and other people, it wasn’t that different than quarantine. Spending lots of time close to home, lots of snuggles with my older child and baby, etc. It was wonderful.

Agree, it’s the “out and about” people who are having the toughest time with this because they don’t know how to relax. They always have to be doing something and using some crutch to keep their kids occupied and posting about it on FB and IG. When all of the crutches are taken away, they don’t actually know how to deal with their kids one-on-one.

It’s lazy people’s time to shine!!! Congrats!

Nah, it’s not lazy to spend time at home with your kids playing, reading, cooking, gardening, doing household tasks together.

What’s lazy in my view is carting your kids around from activity to activity so that someone can entertain them while you stare at your phone.

You’re cooking and gardening with a newborn and two toddlers? No, you’re no. Stop getting on OP’s case.

Some people enjoy visiting the zoo, aquarium, teaching their kids about art and history. There’s more to life than what’s inside your own home.

Wait, you can’t cook or garden at home with a newborn and two toddlers, but you *can* go to the zoo and brunch? 😂

Yes, you absolutely can go to the zoo and brunch with a newborn and two toddlers....and they won't get burnt or dig up what you just did!

[Anonymous]

Do you all really think this is ever going to happen again in our lifetimes?? Doubtful. It was a one off, black swan event.

Sucks to live through it but if it’s the worst thing that ever happened to you, your life is not that bad really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agree, it’s the “out and about” people who are having the toughest time with this because they don’t know how to relax. They always have to be doing something and using some crutch to keep their kids occupied and posting about it on FB and IG. When all of the crutches are taken away, they don’t actually know how to deal with their kids one-on-one.

+1. Also, it's always the people who brag about taking their newborns everywhere (lunch, shopping, etc), with no regard for naps, that are complaining at 6 weeks about how their baby is up 6 times a night.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's a lot that annoys me about your posts, but having an infant AND toddler at home (not to mention 2 toddlers) is really difficult, even without a pandemic going on. My son was born in May and I was home with him and my 2.5 year old all day everyday until she started preschool in September. It was not easy. I think you would be feeling this way even if coronavirus weren't happening.

I'm not sure I believe you though that you would tell your friends not to have kids. You must like children, or else why did you have 3 so close together?

I mean, maybe I would just tell your friends, if they only want kids as long as they are in daycare most of the time, then yea, maybe reconsider having them (or at least don't have 3 one after another....).

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Then you have a husband problem, not a kid problem. Perhaps you should be advising engaged couples about the man-child syndrome.

This is a challenging time for everyone and that includes OP's husband. If he is like this outside of the coronavirus/quarantine era, then he is a man-child and rude. If this out of character, because he is stressed from potential layoffs or running a business and trying to maintain their livelihood while working in a chaotic and noisy home - it's still rude (!) but at least it's understandable.

Op here - dh is very hands on when he has time but he is an attorney trying to work from home (not easy with loud children) and worried about layoffs and salary cuts at his firm. Surprisingly he is very very busy right now and is trying to do everything for everybody. Doing a deposition on the phone or an oral argument with a judge on the phone while your young toddlers are screaming in the background is stressful.

OP,

You are basically raising 3 very young children 24/7 by yourself.

You need live in help.

This is as essential as your DH's job at this point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Agree, it’s the “out and about” people who are having the toughest time with this because they don’t know how to relax. They always have to be doing something and using some crutch to keep their kids occupied and posting about it on FB and IG. When all of the crutches are taken away, they don’t actually know how to deal with their kids one-on-one.

+1. Also, it's always the people who brag about taking their newborns everywhere (lunch, shopping, etc), with no regard for naps, that are complaining at 6 weeks about how their baby is up 6 times a night.

-1 The third/fourth child by default tends to have his nap time disrupted, it's just how it goes when you have multiple young children. I actually found that my third, with his naps constantly spent in the car on the way to preschool pickup or what have you, was my best sleeper at night.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Then you have a husband problem, not a kid problem. Perhaps you should be advising engaged couples about the man-child syndrome.

This is a challenging time for everyone and that includes OP's husband. If he is like this outside of the coronavirus/quarantine era, then he is a man-child and rude. If this out of character, because he is stressed from potential layoffs or running a business and trying to maintain their livelihood while working in a chaotic and noisy home - it's still rude (!) but at least it's understandable.

Op here - dh is very hands on when he has time but he is an attorney trying to work from home (not easy with loud children) and worried about layoffs and salary cuts at his firm. Surprisingly he is very very busy right now and is trying to do everything for everybody. Doing a deposition on the phone or an oral argument with a judge on the phone while your young toddlers are screaming in the background is stressful.

OP,

You are basically raising 3 very young children 24/7 by yourself.

You need live in help.

This is as essential as your DH's job at this point

No way would I bring in a new live in helper during the middle of COVID-19 with an infant in the home. Certainly something to consider down the line, but with life returned to normal once this pandemic ends, it may not be necessary.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would (if they ask), but I would also tell them to make sure they have an involved partner. I detest the dynamic of SAHM+workaholic DH. Bad for the kids and bad for society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would (if they ask), but I would also tell them to make sure they have an involved partner. I detest the dynamic of SAHM+workaholic DH. Bad for the kids and bad for society.

-1 What works for the couple is their business and what works for society.

[Anonymous]

If you tell anyone what you just wrote in your post they're going to think you're a crappy parent who shouldn't have had any kids, and have more than you can handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would (if they ask), but I would also tell them to make sure they have an involved partner. I detest the dynamic of SAHM+workaholic DH. Bad for the kids and bad for society.

+1. And I work with a lot of these workaholic dhs. They HATE being home with their wives and kids so they stay later at work. Their wives think they’re important but they’re not. They just hate their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would (if they ask), but I would also tell them to make sure they have an involved partner. I detest the dynamic of SAHM+workaholic DH. Bad for the kids and bad for society.

+1. And I work with a lot of these workaholic dhs. They HATE being home with their wives and kids so they stay later at work. Their wives think they’re important but they’re not. They just hate their families.

Wow they sound like a-holes. Do they have affairs with coworkers too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would (if they ask), but I would also tell them to make sure they have an involved partner. I detest the dynamic of SAHM+workaholic DH. Bad for the kids and bad for society.

-1 What works for the couple is their business and what works for society.

Doesn't sound like it's working for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would (if they ask), but I would also tell them to make sure they have an involved partner. I detest the dynamic of SAHM+workaholic DH. Bad for the kids and bad for society.

+1. And I work with a lot of these workaholic dhs. They HATE being home with their wives and kids so they stay later at work. Their wives think they’re important but they’re not. They just hate their families.

Wow they sound like a-holes. Do they have affairs with coworkers too?

DP and I’ve worked with similar men but no office affairs that I know of. It was in banking so yes there is a lot of work but they also do it inefficiently so they can use it as a cover for staying late and going on ESPN.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Do you have twins? How old are they?