Would you tell your friends to have kids after this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Then you have a husband problem, not a kid problem. Perhaps you should be advising engaged couples about the man-child syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Then you have a husband problem, not a kid problem. Perhaps you should be advising engaged couples about the man-child syndrome.

This is a challenging time for everyone and that includes OP's husband. If he is like this outside of the coronavirus/quarantine era, then he is a man-child and rude. If this out of character, because he is stressed from potential layoffs or running a business and trying to maintain their livelihood while working in a chaotic and noisy home - it's still rude (!) but at least it's understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Why did you have 3 kids so close together? Definitely tell your friends to learn about birth control, so they don’t make the same mistake you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Then you have a husband problem, not a kid problem. Perhaps you should be advising engaged couples about the man-child syndrome.

This is a challenging time for everyone and that includes OP's husband. If he is like this outside of the coronavirus/quarantine era, then he is a man-child and rude. If this out of character, because he is stressed from potential layoffs or running a business and trying to maintain their livelihood while working in a chaotic and noisy home - it's still rude (!) but at least it's understandable.

Op here - dh is very hands on when he has time but he is an attorney trying to work from home (not easy with loud children) and worried about layoffs and salary cuts at his firm. Surprisingly he is very very busy right now and is trying to do everything for everybody. Doing a deposition on the phone or an oral argument with a judge on the phone while your young toddlers are screaming in the background is stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow op isn’t even working right now either? What a wild thread. Op be grateful you’re not trying to both telework on top of all of this

Op here - really? I have a 6 week old who was up 6 times last night and two toddlers (one who was also up last night) and dealing with them 24/7. Dh isn’t any help other than an occasional yelling at the kids when they get super unruly and I am trying to put the baby down for nap. I basically spend all day breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and breastfeeding a baby. But thanks.

Why did you have 3 kids so close together? Definitely tell your friends to learn about birth control, so they don’t make the same mistake you did.

Op here - we wanted 3 kids but we are older so we didn’t want to wait. I had no interest in being 40 and pregnant (totally fine for those who do it but it wasn’t for me!). I am 36 and done thank god.

[Anonymous]

I would say the worst part of my life was sitting next to my mother as she died. Being at home with my young kids doesn’t even come close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

Op here - no I just didn’t change my life when we had the new baby. We always did these things with the older kids. I didn’t want to completely upend their lives with the new baby being here. Thankfully I had a very uneventful delivery and recovery so I could do these things early on. It’s harder to do once the baby gets into a set nap schedule and whatnot.

Did you ever think that maybe you SHOULD change your life when you have a new baby? Maybe that’s why you’re on here talking about how this has been the worst month of your life...

After my babies were born I mostly stayed home the first month except for walks. It was a peaceful transition and gave me time to heal and let my children get used to a new baby with lots of attention. Aside from avoiding neighborhood playgrounds and other people, it wasn’t that different than quarantine. Spending lots of time close to home, lots of snuggles with my older child and baby, etc. It was wonderful.

[Anonymous]

OP I hear you. I have three kids including a newborn, DH is an attorney working long hours (though not anywhere Brest as long as he used to).

In my case I felt how bad this was getting 2 weeks ago and contacted my doctor for antidepressants. I’m not saying you have PPD but antidepressants certainly take the edge off, for me anyway.

The sleep deprivation and demands of young children are unrelenting. But remember that this will end. And your kids will be lovey and bring you much joy - eventually. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

^^ Also this is easier said than done but maybe your DH can do more? We initially tried to have DH work normal hours from home but then realized everyone is happier if he takes many 20 minute breaks to help out. They aren’t scheduled or anything (because he could be on a call) but whenever he can he pops out of his home office and helps. Then at night when the kids are in bed we don’t spend any time together like we used to, he just goes straight back to work while I go to bed. Just a thought!

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the nasty people. It sounds like someone jealous that you have three kids posting over and over. DCUM has a contingent of women that can’t have as many kids as they want because of finances, husband, infertility and they’re vicious.

This is HARD. Every parent I’ve spoken to is having a tough time. No one expected to be stuck in the house 24 hours a day with no help. That’s not how humans are supposed to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the nasty people. It sounds like someone jealous that you have three kids posting over and over. DCUM has a contingent of women that can’t have as many kids as they want because of finances, husband, infertility and they’re vicious.

This is HARD. Every parent I’ve spoken to is having a tough time. No one expected to be stuck in the house 24 hours a day with no help. That’s not how humans are supposed to live.

It doesn’t sound like OP has the finances for 3 kids TBH. We have 2 (voluntarily stopped at age 33) because we knew that’s how many we could handle. And we have dedicated play areas for them to go wild in. We have childcare and a big house so no need to deal with screaming toddlers while on a conference call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

Op here - no I just didn’t change my life when we had the new baby. We always did these things with the older kids. I didn’t want to completely upend their lives with the new baby being here. Thankfully I had a very uneventful delivery and recovery so I could do these things early on. It’s harder to do once the baby gets into a set nap schedule and whatnot.

Did you ever think that maybe you SHOULD change your life when you have a new baby? Maybe that’s why you’re on here talking about how this has been the worst month of your life...

After my babies were born I mostly stayed home the first month except for walks. It was a peaceful transition and gave me time to heal and let my children get used to a new baby with lots of attention. Aside from avoiding neighborhood playgrounds and other people, it wasn’t that different than quarantine. Spending lots of time close to home, lots of snuggles with my older child and baby, etc. It was wonderful.

Agree, it’s the “out and about” people who are having the toughest time with this because they don’t know how to relax. They always have to be doing something and using some crutch to keep their kids occupied and posting about it on FB and IG. When all of the crutches are taken away, they don’t actually know how to deal with their kids one-on-one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the nasty people. It sounds like someone jealous that you have three kids posting over and over. DCUM has a contingent of women that can’t have as many kids as they want because of finances, husband, infertility and they’re vicious.

This is HARD. Every parent I’ve spoken to is having a tough time. No one expected to be stuck in the house 24 hours a day with no help. That’s not how humans are supposed to live.

It doesn’t sound like OP has the finances for 3 kids TBH. We have 2 (voluntarily stopped at age 33) because we knew that’s how many we could handle. And we have dedicated play areas for them to go wild in. We have childcare and a big house so no need to deal with screaming toddlers while on a conference call.

See, OP? There are some people that just want to be nasty.

PP, I have a big house, too. And three kids. And my toddler wants to actually be with me. That’s why it’s a struggle. Not because I can’t find a place to lock them up during calls. Great parenting, btw!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

Op here - no I just didn’t change my life when we had the new baby. We always did these things with the older kids. I didn’t want to completely upend their lives with the new baby being here. Thankfully I had a very uneventful delivery and recovery so I could do these things early on. It’s harder to do once the baby gets into a set nap schedule and whatnot.

Did you ever think that maybe you SHOULD change your life when you have a new baby? Maybe that’s why you’re on here talking about how this has been the worst month of your life...

After my babies were born I mostly stayed home the first month except for walks. It was a peaceful transition and gave me time to heal and let my children get used to a new baby with lots of attention. Aside from avoiding neighborhood playgrounds and other people, it wasn’t that different than quarantine. Spending lots of time close to home, lots of snuggles with my older child and baby, etc. It was wonderful.

Agree, it’s the “out and about” people who are having the toughest time with this because they don’t know how to relax. They always have to be doing something and using some crutch to keep their kids occupied and posting about it on FB and IG. When all of the crutches are taken away, they don’t actually know how to deal with their kids one-on-one.

It’s lazy people’s time to shine!!! Congrats!

[Anonymous]

I love my kids and are so grateful for them. I enjoy spending time with them. They bring a lot of joy to our house, especially now. But I feel immense guilt that I have brought them in to this crappy world and don’t have a way to really protect them.