Would you tell your friends to have kids after this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would still tell my friends to have kids, but no more than two. I think the third is often the breaking point for many families, as it is for the OP. Also, I have always preferred nanny over daycare and this situation reinforces that. Our lives have been quite chill because of nanny continuing to come. So I would recommend nanny to them as well.

Op here - surprisingly the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life was relatively chill. The older kids are ok but do best with routine and structure. And we also spend a lot of time out and about on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would still tell my friends to have kids, but no more than two. I think the third is often the breaking point for many families, as it is for the OP. Also, I have always preferred nanny over daycare and this situation reinforces that. Our lives have been quite chill because of nanny continuing to come. So I would recommend nanny to them as well.

Op here - surprisingly the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life was relatively chill. The older kids are ok but do best with routine and structure. And we also spend a lot of time out and about on the weekends.

That's because it's the quarantine that's your breaking point, not the third child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

Op here - no I just didn’t change my life when we had the new baby. We always did these things with the older kids. I didn’t want to completely upend their lives with the new baby being here. Thankfully I had a very uneventful delivery and recovery so I could do these things early on. It’s harder to do once the baby gets into a set nap schedule and whatnot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

You may think this is something to be proud of, but it’s not. Nothing sadder than a baby who is dragged everywhere because the mom wants to make a big show of being “out and about”. I know people who brag that they went out to lunch or Target on their way home from the hospital. WTF!

I went out to lunch on the way home post c-section. Why are you judging?

[Anonymous]

Nothing sadder? Come on. Newborn babies don’t care what they do all day as long as they are with their mom. In the rare moments when they are awake, they like having something interesting to look at like people at a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

OP, take it easy on yourself.

To answer your question: no one asks me this, and they probably won't ask you, but if I were answering this question, I would try to keep in the front of my mind that there is a big difference between "having kids" and having any specific number of kids. It's not 0 or 3+. Each one from 0 has a different impact.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I do think this is a "lots of kids" problem. I have one and it's been pretty darn mellow, even with two full time jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one would believe you even if you said it.

This. I had no idea what the realities of parenthood would be. It’s not something you can be told or understand (even if you work with kids before becoming a parent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not the OP, but the thing is, I do get breaks but I’m still miserable.

I have a 3 yo and 1.5 yo and sometimes I’m not sure if I would have them again. I’m not very good at this and I hate it so much, most of the time, even though I love my kids.

I’m thinking having just 1 is the sweet spot.

It's the age. Hang in there. Terrible threes are no joke, and usually the younger one copies behavior. It's hard, but you'll pull through it. As kids get older, they play with each other more and you'll see the wonderful benefits of having siblings. It's great for them to have playmates and to see the love between them grow (even though they'll continue to fight sometimes too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would still tell my friends to have kids, but no more than two. I think the third is often the breaking point for many families, as it is for the OP. Also, I have always preferred nanny over daycare and this situation reinforces that. Our lives have been quite chill because of nanny continuing to come. So I would recommend nanny to them as well.

Op here - surprisingly the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life was relatively chill. The older kids are ok but do best with routine and structure. And we also spend a lot of time out and about on the weekends.

That's because it's the quarantine that's your breaking point, not the third child.

Op here - yes I think that is really the crux of the problem and I can’t do anything about it or control it which makes everything so much worse.

[Anonymous]

These are unusual times. My kids are older - teen and tween - and it is easier being home with them all the time than it was dealing with school, assignments, extra curricular activities, orthodontist appts etc all the time. This thing is like musical chairs and I just got lucky.

It will be okay, OP.

I know it would be a different situation if my kids were 10 years younger or if one of them were special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would still tell my friends to have kids, but no more than two. I think the third is often the breaking point for many families, as it is for the OP. Also, I have always preferred nanny over daycare and this situation reinforces that. Our lives have been quite chill because of nanny continuing to come. So I would recommend nanny to them as well.

Op here - surprisingly the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life was relatively chill. The older kids are ok but do best with routine and structure. And we also spend a lot of time out and about on the weekends.

That's because it's the quarantine that's your breaking point, not the third child.

Op here - yes I think that is really the crux of the problem and I can’t do anything about it or control it which makes everything so much worse.

You decided to have not one, not two, but three kids with an unhelpful DH. Why?

[Anonymous]

When do you have to start work? What is your plan for that?

[Anonymous]

You should not tell anyone whether or not to have kids because it is none of your business.

That said, if someone were to ask and sincerely want my thoughts on this, I'd say I don't recommend it right now. I'm actually enjoying how much time I'm getting with my kid (but I only have one, a toddler, and she's easy and fun). But I'm finding it so difficult to cope with how shitty and unstable the world is right now knowing I can't really protect her from it. I think the anxiety would be easier if I only had myself to worry about.