Would you tell your friends to have kids after this situation?

[Anonymous]

We have a ton of friends who don’t have kids yet (we are in our mid 30s). After being stuck in our house for 30 days straight with our 3 kids (including a newborn) I would tell my friends to think long and hard before you have kids. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. This has potentially been the worst month of my life. Maybe if our kids were older (they are toddlers) or we didn’t have to work and take care of them at the same time I wouldn’t feel this way but I am sure I am just reiterating what most working parents feel like during this quarantine and pandemic. I love my kids but if I knew there was a chance that I could be stuck inside with them for days and months on end with no end in sight I would highly rethink having them or at least so many of them.

[Anonymous]

You know how rigid or patient your friends are.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP. Things are not normal and you just had a baby! I felt that way when both my kids were tiny babies - WTF have I done, this is the worst decision ever, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. And that wasn't even in a pandemic.

I know some people love and enjoy babies but to me, the baby phase is basically a necessary evil to suffer through. I started to enjoy my life again after 6 months, when the baby was comfortably sistting up, eating solids, down to 2 naps, and able to sit and play independently for periods of time.

My kids are 3 and 1.5 now and some days are f-ing horrible but overall if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't hesitate.

[Anonymous]

You and me both, OP. Being stuck at home with two under two including a newborn has been total hell. I love my kids but man this has been tough and I’ve literally thought the same question as this to myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a ton of friends who don’t have kids yet (we are in our mid 30s). After being stuck in our house for 30 days straight with our 3 kids (including a newborn) I would tell my friends to think long and hard before you have kids. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. This has potentially been the worst month of my life. Maybe if our kids were older (they are toddlers) or we didn’t have to work and take care of them at the same time I wouldn’t feel this way but I am sure I am just reiterating what most working parents feel like during this quarantine and pandemic. I love my kids but if I knew there was a chance that I could be stuck inside with them for days and months on end with no end in sight I would highly rethink having them or at least so many of them.

You kind of sound like you need counseling, therapy, parenting classes ... something.

I have 4 under 8 (3 'homeschooling' per their school system, 1 too young for school but we are creating work for him so he has something while they're doing schooling). Husband and I are also working from home during this. Sure, it's crazy. It's stressful. It's exhausting. But it is so so so delightful and wonderful. We have done so much more, our lives are a slower pace. We can play games. We can wade in the creek. We can hike. We can cook together. We can just be family without constant outside distractions, without a to-do list, without meetings, appointments, practices, obligations, chaos. Working + taking care of your kids shouldn't put that heavy of a burden on you. Just enjoy them. Ask what they want to do (within reason, clearly). Example - we very occasionally (being honest here) have played games as a family. It's always been like a 'ok fINE get candyland' and someone ends up crying/tantrum/cheating/whatever. Then we say well games away, it's time for bed/bath/dinner/homework/church/girl scouts/soccer/whatever. Now, we can literally just play games. Be together. Play charades for 2 hours, even if I feel bored - the kids are learning from us, and not just 'school' - emotional regulation, stress, response to situations.

Also, what kind of friend / person are you that in real life, you would say to people "now that I have spent extensive time with my children, I want to give you the unsolicited advice that having children is the worst decision of my life and in my entirely absurd selfish mind, I want to tell you, even though you did not ask and do not care my opinion, that I absolutely think you should not reproduce"..... Your misery does not mean you get to decide to demand that all of your childless friends get to hear your diatribe and feel judged / patronized / etc. You are REALLY weird. And I'm honestly fearful for your kids. Can someone else maybe take them? You...need a mental health break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a ton of friends who don’t have kids yet (we are in our mid 30s). After being stuck in our house for 30 days straight with our 3 kids (including a newborn) I would tell my friends to think long and hard before you have kids. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. This has potentially been the worst month of my life. Maybe if our kids were older (they are toddlers) or we didn’t have to work and take care of them at the same time I wouldn’t feel this way but I am sure I am just reiterating what most working parents feel like during this quarantine and pandemic. I love my kids but if I knew there was a chance that I could be stuck inside with them for days and months on end with no end in sight I would highly rethink having them or at least so many of them.

You kind of sound like you need counseling, therapy, parenting classes ... something.

I have 4 under 8 (3 'homeschooling' per their school system, 1 too young for school but we are creating work for him so he has something while they're doing schooling). Husband and I are also working from home during this. Sure, it's crazy. It's stressful. It's exhausting. But it is so so so delightful and wonderful. We have done so much more, our lives are a slower pace. We can play games. We can wade in the creek. We can hike. We can cook together. We can just be family without constant outside distractions, without a to-do list, without meetings, appointments, practices, obligations, chaos. Working + taking care of your kids shouldn't put that heavy of a burden on you. Just enjoy them. Ask what they want to do (within reason, clearly). Example - we very occasionally (being honest here) have played games as a family. It's always been like a 'ok fINE get candyland' and someone ends up crying/tantrum/cheating/whatever. Then we say well games away, it's time for bed/bath/dinner/homework/church/girl scouts/soccer/whatever. Now, we can literally just play games. Be together. Play charades for 2 hours, even if I feel bored - the kids are learning from us, and not just 'school' - emotional regulation, stress, response to situations.

Also, what kind of friend / person are you that in real life, you would say to people "now that I have spent extensive time with my children, I want to give you the unsolicited advice that having children is the worst decision of my life and in my entirely absurd selfish mind, I want to tell you, even though you did not ask and do not care my opinion, that I absolutely think you should not reproduce"..... Your misery does not mean you get to decide to demand that all of your childless friends get to hear your diatribe and feel judged / patronized / etc. You are REALLY weird. And I'm honestly fearful for your kids. Can someone else maybe take them? You...need a mental health break.

I think this response is unnecessarily harsh. OP has a newborn plus two other children to care for, she is in sleep deprivation and postpartum recovery hell. It's not surprising that things are looking very bleak to her. Though I will agree it sounds like she needs a break - one involving her husband taking over for a few hours while she takes a hot shower and a nap.

[Anonymous]

I adore my children and spending time with them has been lovely, if stressful through all of this, but after the last three years I would be hard pressed to ignore the fact that the world we bring children into is hostile to children, especially female and disabled children.

I would tell my friends to think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a ton of friends who don’t have kids yet (we are in our mid 30s). After being stuck in our house for 30 days straight with our 3 kids (including a newborn)

I would tell my friends to think long and hard before you have kids.
I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
This has potentially been the worst month of my life.

Maybe if our kids were older (they are toddlers) or we didn’t have to work and take care of them at the same time I wouldn’t feel this way but I am sure I am just reiterating what most working parents feel like during this quarantine and pandemic. I love my kids but if I knew there was a chance that I could be stuck inside with them for days and months on end with no end in sight I would highly rethink having them or at least so many of them.

What the fudge, dude?

1- Tell them, unprompted? Have a dinner party where you address your "ton" of childless friends all together in one room, that your reproduction was a mistake and you strongly advise, as their financial advisor and mental health counselor, that none of them shall have children?
2- Bruh. Your worst enemy? Wtf is going on at your house?
3- The worst month of your life? Either you are from McLean or some shit like that... and have literally always been waited on and had it REALLY easy, and this is the first time you've had any real challenge or had to be alone with your family and confront some shit / your own demons .... Idk what the or is here. Or you have some really sweet wonderful enemies? Everyone I have been talking to is more than honest that there are some tough moments, and yes we are all working with little ones at home too, but there is SO much good in this. Getting to spend so much time with these sweet kiddos who don't understand. Getting to know them so much better. Getting to be the one to help my K student finally have it 'click' with learning to read. Getting to be there when she conquered biking without training wheels this week. We GET to be here.
4- It shouldn't be a punishment 'stuck with my children for a month' .... dude is your spouse as selfish and horrid as you? Or do the kids actually have someone during this time, when their whole routine is disrupted and nobody can tell them what's going on / what is going to happen any given day or in the future .... or are you both miserable cows and your poor children will be in therapy for the next 82 years?

[Anonymous]

I’m not the OP, but the thing is, I do get breaks but I’m still miserable.

I have a 3 yo and 1.5 yo and sometimes I’m not sure if I would have them again. I’m not very good at this and I hate it so much, most of the time, even though I love my kids.

I’m thinking having just 1 is the sweet spot.

[Anonymous]

What is it with parents of three kids who complain so much about having three kids? I don't get it. You choose to have three kids and close in age. What did you expect? Now is a great time to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

What we're all dealing with right now is such an extreme situation that a person shouldn't base life-altering decisions such as whether to have kids on something like this. It sounds like you are having an especially hard time with everything, which isn't surprising since you have a newborn!

Besides, you have no idea how it will be for your friends if they choose to have kids. Maybe they'll have a much different experience. Most (all?) parents lives through times where they question their decision to have kids. So, no, I wouldn't tell my friends not to have kids. I would share my experience and thoughts with them if they asked, and they can make their own decisions.

[Anonymous]

OP <<hugs>>
Obviously this is something unprecedented. And it may not happen again for 100 or more years. I am working from home but my kids are 10 and 13. It isn’t a joy at all times, but because they are older it is much more manageable.
In a few months we will look back and laugh and cry about this outrageous situation, hug each other and pray it doesn’t happen again.

[Anonymous]

No one would believe you even if you said it.

[Anonymous]

Op here - thanks to the nice posters who can commiserate with me.

To the rest of you - do you not remember the newborn (as in 6 weeks old and up 5 to 6 times a night) newborn stage? Plus my other two kids are not adjusting well to the new addition to the family and then add on the global pandemic. My postpartum hormones are raging, my older kids are having a super hard time and I am extremely sleep deprived.

I would not just voluntarily tell my friends not to have kids but if they asked I would tell them the truth.

[Anonymous]

Why dry I’d you have 3 kids?