Would you tell your friends to have kids after this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What we're all dealing with right now is such an extreme situation that a person shouldn't base life-altering decisions such as whether to have kids on something like this. It sounds like you are having an especially hard time with everything, which isn't surprising since you have a newborn!

Besides, you have no idea how it will be for your friends if they choose to have kids. Maybe they'll have a much different experience. Most (all?) parents lives through times where they question their decision to have kids. So, no, I wouldn't tell my friends not to have kids. I would share my experience and thoughts with them if they asked, and they can make their own decisions.

Your second paragraph is very true. I have two high energy children who are low sleep needs and always on the go. My oldest wouldn't sleep through the night until he was 2 and no amount of sleep training worked. My kids' cousin started sleeping 9 hours straight at 12 weeks with no sleep training, and is currently a very chill kid content to sit quietly and play in their room for hours. You really never know.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would. I love my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why dry I’d you have 3 kids?

Well I didn’t think there would be a global pandemic so there is that.

[Anonymous]

You’re in a tough spot and this hit at pretty much the worst possible time for you. Is there any way for you to get help in during the day? It would be a calculated risk, but it might be worth it to get a break.

[Anonymous]

All the hugs to you, OP. Many of us feel similar to you/ many of us do so much better when the kids are older and we can talk to them.
To the nasty posters - STFU. And GTFO

[Anonymous]

This is very hard, OP. I'm "back to work," which is now telework, with a 5 month old and a 5 year old. It took a couple weeks for the older kid to learn to play by himself, the baby is easier than yours because he's older, I'm so grateful that they're home with me...and some days I still can't keep it together. Newborns and toddlers are hard without the global pandemic. Hug your babies and hang in there, it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks to the nice posters who can commiserate with me.

To the rest of you - do you not remember the newborn (as in 6 weeks old and up 5 to 6 times a night) newborn stage? Plus my other two kids are not adjusting well to the new addition to the family and then add on the global pandemic. My postpartum hormones are raging, my older kids are having a super hard time and I am extremely sleep deprived.

I would not just voluntarily tell my friends not to have kids but if they asked I would tell them the truth.

Which is why you shouldn’t say anything. You’re in the newborn stage during a global pandemic. It’s not an accurate portrayal of average day to day parenting.

For example, I have a 16yo and 12yo and DH and I are both WFH full time. It’s been fine due to their ages. I feel for my friends and colleagues trying to the this with very young children.

[Anonymous]

Oh yah, especially today. Been a complete sh*t show.

Sending hugs! Three is too many for me personally, I would love more but my patience max is 2 kids. Two toddlers is hard for me everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks to the nice posters who can commiserate with me.

To the rest of you - do you not remember the newborn (as in 6 weeks old and up 5 to 6 times a night) newborn stage? Plus my other two kids are not adjusting well to the new addition to the family and then add on the global pandemic. My postpartum hormones are raging, my older kids are having a super hard time and I am extremely sleep deprived.

I would not just voluntarily tell my friends not to have kids but if they asked I would tell them the truth.

It's going to be ok, OP. You're in survival mode. The newborn phase will soon be behind you, and your older kids will slowly forget life as a family of four and adapt to a new normal. For me that was the best thing about having two under two - my eldest initially had a tough time but adjusted pretty quickly. Now at 3 years old he doesn't remember or even fully understand that there was a time his little sister wasn't around.

Take it day by day - I hope your husband is very hands on and is taking things off your plate as much as possible. This too shall pass.

And as far as your friends go... most likely, they aren't going to ask, and you shouldn't even hint at it if they don't ask. The people who truly feel a strong desire for kids won't take anything you say to heart anyway (and they will be right because everyone's parenting experience is very different).

[Anonymous]

Why do you have kids if you cant spend time with them without being miserable? Its challenging but some ofnthis my be your own rigidity. I have a friend who is miserable but she is a helicopter parent. Her kids are 8 and 10 and dont require constant supervision. She is stressed because she constantly supervises. Your kids are toddlers. Its okay to sit down and watch tv with them while you veg out. Sit down on your phone while they play with their toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a ton of friends who don’t have kids yet (we are in our mid 30s). After being stuck in our house for 30 days straight with our 3 kids (including a newborn) I would tell my friends to think long and hard before you have kids. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. This has potentially been the worst month of my life. Maybe if our kids were older (they are toddlers) or we didn’t have to work and take care of them at the same time I wouldn’t feel this way but I am sure I am just reiterating what most working parents feel like during this quarantine and pandemic. I love my kids but if I knew there was a chance that I could be stuck inside with them for days and months on end with no end in sight I would highly rethink having them or at least so many of them.

Interesting. I’m your age with 3 under four and feel the exact opposite. Like I feel so happy and thankful that we’re all able to spend this time together. And despite all the bad things happening in the world, this feels like a silver lining. Your friends will make their own decisions. They may have different temperaments, fewer kids, more help etc.

[Anonymous]

I think you've completely lost sight of things because you are under a lot of stress right now. This too shall pass. We will get through this pandemic just the way society did with the Spanish flu, and hopefully it will be another 100 years before this type of epidemic hits society again. This freak event is certainly not something to make a decision on family planning about, with the reasonable exception of those looking to get pregnant within the next year of course.

I have three kids too, ranging in age from 6-12, and my experience is completely different than yours. My kids play independently, are enjoying homeschooling, romp around the backyard together. I feel very fortunate to have them and for them to have each other at this challenging time. Although I've been through the chaos years you are going through now, since like I said I have three kids too - I can't relate to what you are experiencing with these particular ages in quarantine. And likely your friends wouldn't either, because their odds of experiencing it will be so low.

[Anonymous]

Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - you don't say if you work, but you have a newborn so you are on maternity leave. Whether or not there was a pandemic, you were going to be stuck at home. And at least your DH is ostensibly teleworking so he can help out a bit more. And with a newborn, you would't be going to crowded places anyway. You would be doing...things you can do now, like neighborhood walks, etc. I am not saying your situation is not hard. It is. But I think you are pretty much in a phase of life that sucks pandemic or not.

Op here - dh is home but in the office from 7am to 8pm on calls and working. He comes out for 10 or 15 minutes at a time but that’s about it. Otherwise it’s me. I typically am very out and about even with a newborn. For the first 4 weeks of the baby’s life we had already gone to the zoo, brunch, visited with friends and went on a 7 hour road trip.

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, I’m sorry. Sounds like you’re in a really rough spot. My kids are older (10 and 12) and I can get out of the house by myself and they can wipe their own behinds and get their own meals. I’m still down about a lot of things, but I know I have it easy. I don’t think I would flat out tell your childless friends that you are hating life right now and it’s all your kids’ fault, but you can be honest and tell them life is really hard for you. Maybe make a joke about how lucky they are to be free of dependents now. I think back to when I very badly wanted a baby and nothing really would have steered me.