FTM with Unsupportive Family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

Sounds like you should have stopped at sweetgreen on the way home and had a weekly cleaning service.

You sound as insane as OP's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You should have absolutely unpacked your home in a month. It’s not that hard. Plenty of people move every day and manage to unpack their home in probably a weekend! The fact you found moving so overwhelming tells me that you’re a typical millennial who struggles at daily living. You’re so entitled you want other people to clean your home like they are your maid!! Women have babies all the time and many babies spend time in the NICU.

You sound jealous that some people have helpful families. Not everyone is as vile as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You should have absolutely unpacked your home in a month. It’s not that hard. Plenty of people move every day and manage to unpack their home in probably a weekend! The fact you found moving so overwhelming tells me that you’re a typical millennial who struggles at daily living. You’re so entitled you want other people to clean your home like they are your maid!! Women have babies all the time and many babies spend time in the NICU.

You sound jealous that some people have helpful families. Not everyone is as vile as you.

I would never expect others to unpack my moving boxes or clean my toilets. Wtf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You had a whole month prior to bedrest to unpack. Your husband could have been cleaning while you were on bedrest. It's bizarre that you hold your mom to a higher standard than yourself and your husband, who lives with you, and apparently does no housework. Sounds like you need to work on your time management. At the end of the day, a baby and your home, are your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not going to happen. Accept it and move on. You are on your own.

This is really the only answer. Our family’s are nice enough but definitely don’t pitch in the way many of my friend’s parents do. You get used to it. Plan the future accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You should have absolutely unpacked your home in a month. It’s not that hard. Plenty of people move every day and manage to unpack their home in probably a weekend! The fact you found moving so overwhelming tells me that you’re a typical millennial who struggles at daily living. You’re so entitled you want other people to clean your home like they are your maid!! Women have babies all the time and many babies spend time in the NICU.

You sound jealous that some people have helpful families. Not everyone is as vile as you.

I would never expect others to unpack my moving boxes or clean my toilets. Wtf.

wtf yourself. I would absolutely help unpack and clean for any relative or friend who had a 26 week preemie in the nicu or was on bedrest with a high risk pregnancy. what's wrong with you??

op your mom has borderline personality disorder. read up on it. meanwhile, I'm happy for you that your in laws are sane and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You had a whole month prior to bedrest to unpack. Your husband could have been cleaning while you were on bedrest. It's bizarre that you hold your mom to a higher standard than yourself and your husband, who lives with you, and apparently does no housework. Sounds like you need to work on your time management. At the end of the day, a baby and your home, are your responsibility.

sometimes I wonder what a woman would have to be facing to be deserving of support in the eyes of people like you. would she literally have to be in the ICU?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You had a whole month prior to bedrest to unpack. Your husband could have been cleaning while you were on bedrest. It's bizarre that you hold your mom to a higher standard than yourself and your husband, who lives with you, and apparently does no housework. Sounds like you need to work on your time management. At the end of the day, a baby and your home, are your responsibility.

sometimes I wonder what a woman would have to be facing to be deserving of support in the eyes of people like you. would she literally have to be in the ICU?

Emotional supoort, yes. Free labor, er, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

Sounds like you should have stopped at sweetgreen on the way home and had a weekly cleaning service.

"Everyone should be rich enough to hire out what middle and lower class people think of as normal human kindness, or they're just too irresponsible to be an adult, have kids, etc." Right, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You should have absolutely unpacked your home in a month. It’s not that hard. Plenty of people move every day and manage to unpack their home in probably a weekend! The fact you found moving so overwhelming tells me that you’re a typical millennial who struggles at daily living. You’re so entitled you want other people to clean your home like they are your maid!! Women have babies all the time and many babies spend time in the NICU.

You sound jealous that some people have helpful families. Not everyone is as vile as you.

I would never expect others to unpack my moving boxes or clean my toilets. Wtf.

You do you. What a surprising concept!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You had a whole month prior to bedrest to unpack. Your husband could have been cleaning while you were on bedrest. It's bizarre that you hold your mom to a higher standard than yourself and your husband, who lives with you, and apparently does no housework. Sounds like you need to work on your time management. At the end of the day, a baby and your home, are your responsibility.

sometimes I wonder what a woman would have to be facing to be deserving of support in the eyes of people like you. would she literally have to be in the ICU?

Emotional supoort, yes. Free labor, er, no.

JFC give it a rest. You're miserable.

[Anonymous]

I moved into my home 16 years ago. Some things never got unpacked. Some of you are vile people. OP, go away from here ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You had a whole month prior to bedrest to unpack. Your husband could have been cleaning while you were on bedrest. It's bizarre that you hold your mom to a higher standard than yourself and your husband, who lives with you, and apparently does no housework. Sounds like you need to work on your time management. At the end of the day, a baby and your home, are your responsibility.

This. OP is extremely sexist. Expecting her elderly mother to scrub her toilets while her able bodied husband doesn’t lift a finger? No wonder the mom said no.

Seriously you had an entire month to unpack. Plan better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much cleaning needs to done,!? Seriously, do you vacuum every single day or something? 1x/week, right? Dishes go in dishwasher- push 1 button. Sane with laundry. Cooking - op or DJ cant possibly cook? Order out? Crock pot chicken? Take 20 minutes to bake salmon?For 2 grown capable adults? Are you people not able to function with a newborn in the house? So much so, you have to ask people to "help" you . Yea, I get it -with babies/newborns nursing 24/7, diapers, holding them, tapping their butts in hopesthey fall asleep on your shoulder, sleep deprived, but seriously between Op and the dH you cant make this work?
If you want support from family, take a different approach- "Mom, baby seems to be less fussy in the morning. Do you want to come over and take her on a walk? And if you dont mind putting her down for a nap after that would be great. I wanted to run to the store to pick up salad for dinner and catch a few minutes of a nap myself"....works much better than "mom, we are admittedly sloppy. I'm too busy holding the baby and tired to do anything about it. Would you mind cleaning up after me and dh? Maybe, just maybe, you can hold your grandchild, but I'll have to think about it".

OP here to (hopefully) educate you.

Hubby works 6.5 days a week—has to bring work home on weekends/go into the office (as do i) and he has a second gig. Works 12+ hour days and we had just moved into a 4 story row house in the city a month before I was placed on bedrest. And my first trimester was rough...I don’t know anyone who completely unpacks their home in a month? With only one partner who’s able to do a brunt of the work but you sound like the exception. Good for you!!

Typical day when we were in the NICU:

Wake @ 4 am
Drive to/arrive at hospital by 5 am
Pumped in car en route to hospital to have fresh milk in hand for baby
Hubby took a bus to work @ 7 am during shift change
Mom pumped during shift change and ate breakfast that was packed at 4 am
Back in NICU for 8 am rounds and to cuddle baby/take temps, change diaper
Sometimes docs don’t get to the “healthier” babies until 11 am. Mom sat in one spot for 3 hours.
Pumped at bedside for nurses to store milk.
Hubby arrives at 6 pm. We break for dinner together at 7.
Return at 8 pm and stayed until 10/11pm
Drove home to hit reset again at 4 am

I pumped 8x+ per day.

This just about my every day routine except when I’d pushed my body too far and would be forced to stay home and rest for a few hours.

Now, when would we be making all of this amazing food and sitting around long enough to clean anything in our new home?! ?

You had a whole month prior to bedrest to unpack. Your husband could have been cleaning while you were on bedrest. It's bizarre that you hold your mom to a higher standard than yourself and your husband, who lives with you, and apparently does no housework. Sounds like you need to work on your time management. At the end of the day, a baby and your home, are your responsibility.

sometimes I wonder what a woman would have to be facing to be deserving of support in the eyes of people like you. would she literally have to be in the ICU?

If OP were single and injured and didn’t have a job, then maybe it would be appropriate to ask her mom to help clean. But based on the following, no:

- OP was not injured or sick
-OP lives with an able bodied man
-there is presumably some sort of income as OP didn’t mention financial constraints

Really there is no reason for her to ask others to clean her home.

[Anonymous]

OP you are probably long gone but what your mother meant when she said can I help was for you to say oh no there’s nothing you need to do!
Wacky mom is the gift that keeps on giving. I’m sorry you are living through this and I hope your baby is ok. Signed
I have the same mom