My husband always lets us down

[Anonymous]

Wait— are you married to my husband too!

I am 15 years in with two kids. My advice is to leave him. He will not change, and you will never be ok with it

[Anonymous]

Ok, ima be an asshole. But why do you ladies keep making more babies with lazy partners? I was team OP until I saw that you were pregnant, again. How in the hell do you think things will improve? Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

He is not making his family a top priority and this is pretty clueless.
He needs to learn to prioritize.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

[Anonymous]

This is so classic that somehow people have found a way to put it on OP that her husband acts like a grade A selfish jerk! This behavior is not ok and is NOT OPs fault. Come on people. I’m sorry OP, I hope you don’t listen to these folks. Would your husband be open to counseling together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is half of the problem in this relationship.

I don’t see how that’s true. Her husband sounds like a tremendous jerk, and she just sounds not quite equippped to respond to him. She shouldn’t have to be worrying about this in the first place. What kind of husband talks on the phone in the parking lot when he wife and child are inside a restaurant at breakfast?

I wish some of you would read. The OP PEPARED breakfast and her husband sat in the driveway on the phone.

No... 14:52, says they went to a restaurant....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is half of the problem in this relationship.

I don’t see how that’s true. Her husband sounds like a tremendous jerk, and she just sounds not quite equippped to respond to him. She shouldn’t have to be worrying about this in the first place. What kind of husband talks on the phone in the parking lot when he wife and child are inside a restaurant at breakfast?

I wish some of you would read. The OP PEPARED breakfast and her husband sat in the driveway on the phone.

No... 14:52, says they went to a restaurant....

I am pretty sure she gave examples of both being in a restaurant waiting on him while he sat in the car on the phone and being home making breakfast while he did the same- mentioned in separate posts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Bob, if you go to your friend’s house, we’ll miss out on our plan to go to the zoo. I don’t want to hang out on the Mall. This is exactly what I’m referring to when I say that you’re skipping out on family time. What gives?”

OP here. I said this and he decided to leave anyway. Says he's coming back after an hour. The 15 minutes becoame an hour. See how this works?

He is having an affair, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, ima be an asshole. But why do you ladies keep making more babies with lazy partners? I was team OP until I saw that you were pregnant, again. How in the hell do you think things will improve? Sheesh.

+1.

My DH is bad with time, always has been. He will say something will take “15 minutes” when I know damn well it will take an hour. He doesn’t do it intentionally and is not avoiding us. It’s caused issues but we’ve improved it by working on him being more realistic and me still mentally doubling whatever he says.

You need to have a frank talk with him OP. Say in the morning, we MUST leave for the zoo by 10am or we will not be home for nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

I can’t speak for others but when I read OPs story I was perplexed. As soon as she mentioned DH having to teach soccer for 2 hours and then go on a big family outing to the zoo, not close to their home, all while working around a toddlers nap time I thought that’s a lot of logistics that I personally wouldn’t want to deal with. I’m coming from the standpoint of needing downtime when we aren’t running the kids to activities we’ve signed them up for or working. I’m not sure what the “family time” agreement is but I guarantee OP’s husband did not want to go to the zoo, even if he agreed and if it every really happens it will need to be a day nothing else is scheduled and they go first thing in the morning. There were also inconsistencies like OP said toddler only naps when he goes out but Op doesn’t like to go out because she is tired with pregnancy (which I get) which makes me wonder about the initial plan of going to the Zoo which is tiring as all. Also why DH was terrible by saying he would drop them at the mall (after bailing on the zoo) which is not as tiring as the zoo but would be needed for the toddler to nap.

So I will say absolutely agree that the DH should call/communicate when plans change. But the bottom line is it seems like the husband doesn’t want to do activities with the three of them outside the home. As they say continuing to do the same things and expecting different results is the defining of insanity. So I’m trying to suggest OP changes what she can control to improve the situation. Wallowing, wishing for the husband she doesn’t have or being a martyr isn’t helpful to anyone much less a person with a toddler and another on the way. The suggestions have been around having more independence around the car - either a 2nd car or the rule that the person with the kids has the car (awesome rule BTW) or finding ways to make sure OP gets downtime as well and that the dad still has time he spends with child even if it’s not the activities that OP would do.

[Anonymous]

Did DH want the second child? Maybe he is feeling trapped? I mean, that's douche-y and all, but it still happens.

[Anonymous]

OP - can you say more about your husband's soccer commitment? Why is he teaching soccer to kids that have nothing to do with your own kid? Could this be eliminated after this season's commitment is finished so that he has more weekend time for his family?

[Anonymous]

OP, why does your husband not talk to his family around you? Is there a story behind this?

[Anonymous]

Why is he teaching soccer when your son can't participate and then playing basketball? Is he paid for this, or does he have a lot of free time that separates his from the family on weekends? Does he give you large chunks of child free time as well to reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

OP, you haven't responded to any of the questions about the affair. Do you think he could be cheating?