My husband always lets us down

[Anonymous]

“Nap schedule”. Ha ha!!

[Anonymous]

Do you have access to his cell phone, or does he use a code you don't know?

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like the OP's husband doesn't enjoy family time or doing activities with the kids.adew of the men in my fiky are like that. They have a wife and family but srenalwsys out. For one uncle, his wife became fed up and left. She has a new husband who is more family oriented. Some people like the idea of family but don't value them.

I noticed the original poster mentioned an Uber to the mall? Why don't you have your own transportation. That would be traveling deal breaker for me. You will not saddle me on the house all day with kids, knowing my every move because I don't have my own transportation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. I can’t believe all these responses! What is the deal with all your unreliable husbands, and why should OP just be content to go do things with her son by herself? My husband knows weekend mornings are family time. When my daughter goes down for a nap, that’s when my husband gets his time to do whatever he wants for the entire afternoon! Can OP’s husband not call his parents and go see his friend’s house during nap? Her husband sounds terrible! OP’s only problem seems to be that she posts on dcum about this instead of confronting her husband.

I can’t speak for others but when I read OPs story I was perplexed. As soon as she mentioned DH having to teach soccer for 2 hours and then go on a big family outing to the zoo, not close to their home, all while working around a toddlers nap time I thought that’s a lot of logistics that I personally wouldn’t want to deal with. I’m coming from the standpoint of needing downtime when we aren’t running the kids to activities we’ve signed them up for or working. I’m not sure what the “family time” agreement is but I guarantee OP’s husband did not want to go to the zoo, even if he agreed and if it every really happens it will need to be a day nothing else is scheduled and they go first thing in the morning. There were also inconsistencies like OP said toddler only naps when he goes out but Op doesn’t like to go out because she is tired with pregnancy (which I get) which makes me wonder about the initial plan of going to the Zoo which is tiring as all. Also why DH was terrible by saying he would drop them at the mall (after bailing on the zoo) which is not as tiring as the zoo but would be needed for the toddler to nap.

So I will say absolutely agree that the DH should call/communicate when plans change. But the bottom line is it seems like the husband doesn’t want to do activities with the three of them outside the home. As they say continuing to do the same things and expecting different results is the defining of insanity. So I’m trying to suggest OP changes what she can control to improve the situation. Wallowing, wishing for the husband she doesn’t have or being a martyr isn’t helpful to anyone much less a person with a toddler and another on the way. The suggestions have been around having more independence around the car - either a 2nd car or the rule that the person with the kids has the car (awesome rule BTW) or finding ways to make sure OP gets downtime as well and that the dad still has time he spends with child even if it’s not the activities that OP would do.

I said this pages ago but OP doesn't want advice she wants hair pats, she said that a page ago.

[Anonymous]

OP, just.. hugs. I really feel you.

Today, my husband went to pay guitar with some neighbours he never met before and a nearby cafe and didn't even invite neither me nor our children. It sucked.

[Anonymous]

Can someone write a hypothetical post from DHs side for this one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

Great. So your husband, the one you complained about not wanting family time, didn’t have to have any family time.
Taking your son to check into a hotel was NOT the advice given here. Not at all. It’s interesting how you can’t see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

How does that help your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

How does that help your marriage?

OP here. It helped me relax. Fixing my marriage is not going happen overnight or this weekend. My husband was planning on taking the car again on Sunday so he could go to soccer for 5 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

Great. So your husband, the one you complained about not wanting family time, didn’t have to have any family time.
Taking your son to check into a hotel was NOT the advice given here. Not at all. It’s interesting how you can’t see that.

OP here. Are you always this bossy? Jeez. Not sure why I waste my time on here.

[Anonymous]

Op, good for you for doing something to break the status quo a little.
I do suggest that when everyone is calm and in a good mood, you have a conversation with dh about what family life/time looks like going forward. Especially with a second baby coming. Not accusatory in any way, just what his expectations and wishes are for weeknights and weekends and for raising his kids and what yours are. You won't solve anything with one talk but maybe something positive will come out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

How does that help your marriage?

OP here. It helped me relax. Fixing my marriage is not going happen overnight or this weekend. My husband was planning on taking the car again on Sunday so he could go to soccer for 5 hours.

Is teaching soccer his job? I don’t understand why he is doing that if it’s not your child’s team and not your job. Also, are you sure he’s at soccer? I usually roll my eyes when people jump to affairs, but that’s a lot of time gone on a random pursuit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

How does that help your marriage?

OP here. It helped me relax. Fixing my marriage is not going happen overnight or this weekend. My husband was planning on taking the car again on Sunday so he could go to soccer for 5 hours.

Is teaching soccer his job? I don’t understand why he is doing that if it’s not your child’s team and not your job. Also, are you sure he’s at soccer? I usually roll my eyes when people jump to affairs, but that’s a lot of time gone on a random pursuit.

OP here. No. The soccer he went to on Sunday was a league he's in. It can easily last all day. I usually drop him off at the game so I don't think he's going anywhere else. I guess that's the perk of having one car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have anyone else locally for support? Totally on your side re difficulties with your DH, but since his issues are a given for now, are there reliable friends or family you can call on? It does even a sad and frustrated heart good to be able to feel heard and cared about by someone. Mom friends night out? Zoo outing with dc & a cousin?

It won’t fix your marriage problems, but it will help you survive while you figure them out.

OP here. Well I took your advice and checked myself into a hotel 2 hours away. I actually went yesterday and got back tonight. It was fun and relaxing! I went to McGaheysville. I took the car but I also took my son with me. He loved the water park.

Great. So your husband, the one you complained about not wanting family time, didn’t have to have any family time.
Taking your son to check into a hotel was NOT the advice given here. Not at all. It’s interesting how you can’t see that.

OP here. Are you always this bossy? Jeez. Not sure why I waste my time on here.

NP here. Pp is right. Punishing DH is not going to solve anything. But you seem to have given up. I’d get out now and don’t have any more kids.