My husband always lets us down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are both crunched for time.

No. He's just disrespectful. It will be 1 or 1:30 pm before he finishes things with his friends. That's exactly when ds should be taking a nap. He plans things as if he's single but he's not anymore.

Can’t you go after the nap? Honestly if nap is at 1:30 and you don’t live close to the zoo, you didn’t have time for the zoo before nap time anyway.

I get that it sucks. I’m married to someone like that too. And I used to be rigid. But like PP said, I chose happiness so I fixed what I could control - which was my rigidity and my expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are both crunched for time.

No. He's just disrespectful. It will be 1 or 1:30 pm before he finishes things with his friends. That's exactly when ds should be taking a nap. He plans things as if he's single but he's not anymore.

Can’t you go after the nap? Honestly if nap is at 1:30 and you don’t live close to the zoo, you didn’t have time for the zoo before nap time anyway.

I get that it sucks. I’m married to someone like that too. And I used to be rigid. But like PP said, I chose happiness so I fixed what I could control - which was my rigidity and my expectations.

His nap can be pushed back to 3 pm. He won't take a nap unless we take him on an outing. If it were really 15 minutes it would be NO BIG DEAL but DH never comes back when he says he will. I also don't understand WHY he needs to veiw the house. His friends already bought it. We will eventually see it.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn't you go with him to see the friend's house? Was that not an option?

Anyway, I get what you're saying (and PPs do too, but no one on DCUM can ever waste an opportunity to be an asshole), you want him to make your family a priority and not way down the list after coaching soccer, chatting with his parents, going to see a house some people bought, which presumably will still be standing tomorrow or next week.

Here's the thing: this is the husband you have. So now you have to work on controlling those things you can control. You can keep getting upset about this or move past it. Start making plans and do that and he can join or not join but then you aren't waiting around and disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are both crunched for time.

No. He's just disrespectful. It will be 1 or 1:30 pm before he finishes things with his friends. That's exactly when ds should be taking a nap. He plans things as if he's single but he's not anymore.

Can’t you go after the nap? Honestly if nap is at 1:30 and you don’t live close to the zoo, you didn’t have time for the zoo before nap time anyway.

I get that it sucks. I’m married to someone like that too. And I used to be rigid. But like PP said, I chose happiness so I fixed what I could control - which was my rigidity and my expectations.

I am sorry but no because I feel disrespected when he does this. It would be different if he called me and asked. This happens all the time. I understand plans can change but things come up with DH every weekend. I feel bad for our son. Our son is the one who gets hurts the most. He has been waiting for DH so we can go to the zoo. He's was really looking forward to the train ride there. I am also pregnant BTW. Normally I would go by myself but right now I need DHS help with outings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are both crunched for time.

No. He's just disrespectful. It will be 1 or 1:30 pm before he finishes things with his friends. That's exactly when ds should be taking a nap. He plans things as if he's single but he's not anymore.

Can’t you go after the nap? Honestly if nap is at 1:30 and you don’t live close to the zoo, you didn’t have time for the zoo before nap time anyway.

I get that it sucks. I’m married to someone like that too. And I used to be rigid. But like PP said, I chose happiness so I fixed what I could control - which was my rigidity and my expectations.

His nap can be pushed back to 3 pm. He won't take a nap unless we take him on an outing. If it were really 15 minutes it would be NO BIG DEAL but DH never comes back when he says he will. I also don't understand WHY he needs to veiw the house. His friends already bought it. We will eventually see it.

Huh?

How old is this kid? Is the zoo so he will take a nap? Or just to get in that outing?

When you have talked to your DH about your issues with family day, how does he respond? Is he someone who just doesn't pay attention to itineraries?

[Anonymous]

Can you not just say, "if you go now, we'll miss the zoo. Can you look at the house at 1 while kid is napping?"

[Anonymous]

“Bob, if you go to your friend’s house, we’ll miss out on our plan to go to the zoo. I don’t want to hang out on the Mall. This is exactly what I’m referring to when I say that you’re skipping out on family time. What gives?”

[Anonymous]

I get it op. You guys aren't his priority.

[Anonymous]

He had to be that clueless before you got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are both crunched for time.

No. He's just disrespectful. It will be 1 or 1:30 pm before he finishes things with his friends. That's exactly when ds should be taking a nap. He plans things as if he's single but he's not anymore.

Can’t you go after the nap? Honestly if nap is at 1:30 and you don’t live close to the zoo, you didn’t have time for the zoo before nap time anyway.

I get that it sucks. I’m married to someone like that too. And I used to be rigid. But like PP said, I chose happiness so I fixed what I could control - which was my rigidity and my expectations.

His nap can be pushed back to 3 pm. He won't take a nap unless we take him on an outing. If it were really 15 minutes it would be NO BIG DEAL but DH never comes back when he says he will. I also don't understand WHY he needs to veiw the house. His friends already bought it. We will eventually see it.

Huh?

How old is this kid? Is the zoo so he will take a nap? Or just to get in that outing?

When you have talked to your DH about your issues with family day, how does he respond? Is he someone who just doesn't pay attention to itineraries?

Most kids need some sort of physical activity to take naps pp. This isn't rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Bob, if you go to your friend’s house, we’ll miss out on our plan to go to the zoo. I don’t want to hang out on the Mall. This is exactly what I’m referring to when I say that you’re skipping out on family time. What gives?”

OP here. I said this and he decided to leave anyway. Says he's coming back after an hour. The 15 minutes becoame an hour. See how this works?

[Anonymous]

So this isn’t about time, this is about feeling disrespected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Bob, if you go to your friend’s house, we’ll miss out on our plan to go to the zoo. I don’t want to hang out on the Mall. This is exactly what I’m referring to when I say that you’re skipping out on family time. What gives?”

OP here. I said this and he decided to leave anyway. Says he's coming back after an hour. The 15 minutes becoame an hour. See how this works?

Then it’s about him choosing to disrespect you. Sounds like it’s time for a come to Jesus sit down do you really want to be in the marriage talk. Like you have to be ready with the name of a counselor. If he balks, then maybe it’s time to consider separating.

This won’t change with whining or wishing. You either have to let it go and never complain again or put it on the line. How important is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this isn’t about time, this is about feeling disrespected?

OP here. This is about a lot of things. It's a priority thing. His friends, activities comes before his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Bob, if you go to your friend’s house, we’ll miss out on our plan to go to the zoo. I don’t want to hang out on the Mall. This is exactly what I’m referring to when I say that you’re skipping out on family time. What gives?”

OP here. I said this and he decided to leave anyway. Says he's coming back after an hour. The 15 minutes becoame an hour. See how this works?

The second he comes back, I’d be out the door and wouldn’t be back until well after dinner. Let him have hi family time taking care of his son. Go enjoy this beautiful afternoon, OP. Take yourself out to dinner. Think through whether you want to continue with this.