My husband always lets us down

[Anonymous]

If you figure out he's having an affair and confront him, he's probably not going to get better. Expect rage, entitlement, and blame. You're better off digging to see what you can find without letting on that's what you're doing, confiding in a couple of friends, talking to a therapist before letting him know you know. A lawyer wouldn't be a bad idea. Be prepared for him to get worse. If this is what's happening, it's time to ask for help from friends and family. He might want to leave but if not, you'd benefit from having a place to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone write a hypothetical post from DHs side for this one?

Title: My wife constantly nags me

I've been coaching soccer since college and it's something I absolutely love doing. I was doing it before I ever met my wife, and she has always known how important it is to me. I have to coach on Saturdays, which I appreciate takes up 2 hours of a family day, but I leave the house at 6 am and am home by 8 am, so it isn't a huge drain on our day. Last weekend as I was coming home from soccer, my parents, who live outside the country, called me. My father is going through some stuff that I don't really share with my wife because she always complains about my family, so I ended up finishing the conversation in the garage when I got home so that I wouldn't bother her. Apparently that was the wrong decision. As soon as I walked in, my wife yelled at me that the big breakfast she had made was now cold and stomped off. I had explicitly told her I was eating before soccer since I can't coach on an empty stomach, so not to make anything for me for breakfast, but she ignored me and then yelled at me for missing it.

And it goes on and on...

Do you not see how manipulative and insane YOU are? Context is everything, and when a spouse leaves a pregnant, also-working spouse to do all the childcare, that is not right nor fair. To make your unloved MRA fantasy true, you have this father coaching Saturday soccer beginning at 6 am.

Sticky your post. If you ever find yourself wondering why women think you’re a joke, read and reread your post.

OP said he leaves before their kid wakes up.

Oh, and I'm a woman, by the way. And a happily married one at that. With kids.

I doubt your husband is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, ima be an asshole. But why do you ladies keep making more babies with lazy partners? I was team OP until I saw that you were pregnant, again. How in the hell do you think things will improve? Sheesh.

I’m betting you’re single, no kids. And I’m not OP or in her situation at all.

No. Married & 1 kid. Just because I wanted more kids didn’t mean that my nuclear family could absorb another child. It sounds like the same thought pattern would have helped op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. My husband is going out of town for a week and tonight he tells me he joined ANOTHER soccer league. He has practice tonight for "1 hour". He had the nerve to ask me to make a meal that takes 2 hours. At this point I numb to everything he does. It doesn't hurt anymore.

::head pats:: Poor poor poodle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. My husband is going out of town for a week and tonight he tells me he joined ANOTHER soccer league. He has practice tonight for "1 hour". He had the nerve to ask me to make a meal that takes 2 hours. At this point I numb to everything he does. It doesn't hurt anymore.

I don't know what you expected after people gave you multiple ideas and you shot them all down. Enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. My husband is going out of town for a week and tonight he tells me he joined ANOTHER soccer league. He has practice tonight for "1 hour". He had the nerve to ask me to make a meal that takes 2 hours. At this point I numb to everything he does. It doesn't hurt anymore.

Cook some extra for his AP. And tell them to enjoy their trip.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone write a hypothetical post from DHs side for this one?

Title: My wife constantly nags me

I've been coaching soccer since college and it's something I absolutely love doing. I was doing it before I ever met my wife, and she has always known how important it is to me. I have to coach on Saturdays, which I appreciate takes up 2 hours of a family day, but I leave the house at 6 am and am home by 8 am, so it isn't a huge drain on our day. Last weekend as I was coming home from soccer, my parents, who live outside the country, called me. My father is going through some stuff that I don't really share with my wife because she always complains about my family, so I ended up finishing the conversation in the garage when I got home so that I wouldn't bother her. Apparently that was the wrong decision. As soon as I walked in, my wife yelled at me that the big breakfast she had made was now cold and stomped off. I had explicitly told her I was eating before soccer since I can't coach on an empty stomach, so not to make anything for me for breakfast, but she ignored me and then yelled at me for missing it.

And it goes on and on...

Do you not see how manipulative and insane YOU are? Context is everything, and when a spouse leaves a pregnant, also-working spouse to do all the childcare, that is not right nor fair. To make your unloved MRA fantasy true, you have this father coaching Saturday soccer beginning at 6 am.

Sticky your post. If you ever find yourself wondering why women think you’re a joke, read and reread your post.

OP said he leaves before their kid wakes up.

Oh, and I'm a woman, by the way. And a happily married one at that. With kids.

I doubt your husband is happy.

You'd be wrong. But if it makes you feel better, you can think that.

[Anonymous]

OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

OP here. Hell no. My husband is trying to be in TWO soccer leagues and also coach another team. I do not "need" to go to his soccer practice every Saturday morning. This is BS. I left on Monday evening when he told me he joined another soccer league. I am now staying at my parents house. I can't believe the advice I have been getting here. Basically I need to suck it up because my husband will never change. I don't want to be married to someone this selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

OP here. Hell no. My husband is trying to be in TWO soccer leagues and also coach another team. I do not "need" to go to his soccer practice every Saturday morning. This is BS. I left on Monday evening when he told me he joined another soccer league. I am now staying at my parents house. I can't believe the advice I have been getting here. Basically I need to suck it up because my husband will never change. I don't want to be married to someone this selfish.

Then you shouldn't have married someone that selfish. No way he turned into that over night.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the replies here have been on the harsh side, but the PP below had some good suggestions. In similar vein, here are three scenarios (from what I can see);

1 - something nefarious is going on that has nothing to do with soccer (very doubtful)
2 - DH is pulling away from family life because it's not his thing (maybe, maybe not)
3 - DH does not understand, on a base level, that you are now a three-person unit and he can't act like an untethered individual (most likely)

If he's not reacting to being told why that's a problem (annoying, but the reality), maybe you need to show him. Why don't you do some outside activity that will require him to stay home on some days or evenings? Why don't you make last-minute plans with friends too that he then has to work around? If he's entitled to do that, so are you. Just make sure you're being authentic and not inconveniencing one another on purpose, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

OP here. Hell no. My husband is trying to be in TWO soccer leagues and also coach another team. I do not "need" to go to his soccer practice every Saturday morning. This is BS. I left on Monday evening when he told me he joined another soccer league. I am now staying at my parents house. I can't believe the advice I have been getting here. Basically I need to suck it up because my husband will never change. I don't want to be married to someone this selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait— are you married to my husband too!

I am 15 years in with two kids. My advice is to leave him. He will not change, and you will never be ok with it

Or how about this advice from a woman who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

OP here. Hell no. My husband is trying to be in TWO soccer leagues and also coach another team. I do not "need" to go to his soccer practice every Saturday morning. This is BS. I left on Monday evening when he told me he joined another soccer league. I am now staying at my parents house. I can't believe the advice I have been getting here. Basically I need to suck it up because my husband will never change. I don't want to be married to someone this selfish.

But... making another baby with him was a great idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

OP here. Hell no. My husband is trying to be in TWO soccer leagues and also coach another team. I do not "need" to go to his soccer practice every Saturday morning. This is BS. I left on Monday evening when he told me he joined another soccer league. I am now staying at my parents house. I can't believe the advice I have been getting here. Basically I need to suck it up because my husband will never change. I don't want to be married to someone this selfish.

Good job OP. It sounds like he doesn't want to be heavily involved in your family + you being very upset about this, so this is a good next step. Time to divorce and move on. It will be better for your family to not be in a house of hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either your husband has a girlfriend, or he is deliberately avoiding family life with you and your child.

Your options are a) do everything without him, as if you're a single parent, and stop waiting around for him or b) wake your son an hour earlier, and ALL of you go to soccer practice. Your son can eat a simple breakfast on the go, run around and get some fresh air while your husband coaches, and you can all go to a late brunch after or do something fun as a family before naptime. Don't be a victim, your husband isn't going to change his behavior, so you have to change yours. There's no need for your son to sleep in until 10 am every day. He will be fine with an hour less sleep.

OP here. Hell no. My husband is trying to be in TWO soccer leagues and also coach another team. I do not "need" to go to his soccer practice every Saturday morning. This is BS. I left on Monday evening when he told me he joined another soccer league. I am now staying at my parents house. I can't believe the advice I have been getting here. Basically I need to suck it up because my husband will never change. I don't want to be married to someone this selfish.

It's not about "need" it's about "want." I can tell you that I'd WANT to go watch my husband coach soccer/football every for the few weeks of the season (assuming school aged kids coach) because on weekends when I'm not working I enjoy being around him regardless of what we do. It makes me happy to see him doing something he enjoys (fyi married 12 years, together 16 years). My DH loves to run marathons, so I cheer him on on race day and during his longer pre-runs. It's fun to surprise him and see his face light up when he comes around the trail corner and my DDs start cheering him. He comes to watch my riding class probably once a month. We support each other and what makes us happy.

I do wonder why he is joining so many leagues because it does seem like he is avoiding you and your child; and why you have a strong aversion to going to support him. There probably is an issue that you and your DH need to work on, and I'd recommend couples counseling to get to the bottom of whatever that is. I make this recommendation so you guys can be happy; I assume that is your goal - to be happy together?