Feel like I'm on a crash course towards an affair. Can't stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

I don't work for him nor am I dependent on him for anything. There's other positions I can apply for.

You don’t work with him yet. And you are leveraging an inappropriately emotionally close and flirty relationship to get him to hire you. He has something you want and you are using a personal relationship to get it. Your lack of professionalism hurts all the rest of us womwn in the work place who don’t want to have to be emotionally or physically intimate with our male bosses to get ahead in the workplace.

You are lying to yourself on a lot of other levels - not just this one. Maybe working on your self-honesty and self-agency would alao help you from solving your personal issues with an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was entertaining thoughts about f*cking a married man, just today, in fact. But that’s it. Thoughts. No action, no suggestion, because it’s not a good look and a boundary I draw *for myself.*

You can stop. You can, and you should. Couples therapy, individual therapy. Just stop the texts and the light flirting, handle your business, and keep it moving.

Did ya see that there, OP? That is called restraint. Try it.
Meanwhile, I love the pep of the PP!

Yeah, unfortunately, PP wasn't as strong as she thought. She just left my hotel room. Not to add insult to injury but she overrated her skill set in the bedroom.

Lol. PP here and this is fake news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

I don't work for him nor am I dependent on him for anything. There's other positions I can apply for.

You don’t work with him yet. And you are leveraging an inappropriately emotionally close and flirty relationship to get him to hire you. He has something you want and you are using a personal relationship to get it. Your lack of professionalism hurts all the rest of us womwn in the work place who don’t want to have to be emotionally or physically intimate with our male bosses to get ahead in the workplace.

You are lying to yourself on a lot of other levels - not just this one. Maybe working on your self-honesty and self-agency would alao help you from solving your personal issues with an affair.

This is not a #metoo situation. I'm not leveraging anything. I mentioned earlier that we had spoke about this job opportunity a while back before our relationship started getting closer. I hadn't even really brought up the job situation beyond our initial couple talks, he's really been the one driving that conversation and giving me updates, sending me stuff to review, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

I don't work for him nor am I dependent on him for anything. There's other positions I can apply for.

You don’t work with him yet. And you are leveraging an inappropriately emotionally close and flirty relationship to get him to hire you. He has something you want and you are using a personal relationship to get it. Your lack of professionalism hurts all the rest of us womwn in the work place who don’t want to have to be emotionally or physically intimate with our male bosses to get ahead in the workplace.

You are lying to yourself on a lot of other levels - not just this one. Maybe working on your self-honesty and self-agency would alao help you from solving your personal issues with an affair.

This is not a #metoo situation. I'm not leveraging anything. I mentioned earlier that we had spoke about this job opportunity a while back before our relationship started getting closer. I hadn't even really brought up the job situation beyond our initial couple talks, he's really been the one driving that conversation and giving me updates, sending me stuff to review, etc.

Please. Be honest with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't be so sure this guy would hire you solely on merit. Are you ok with taking a job that you were offered - even in part - because of your flirtatious relationship with this guy? Are you ok with everyone thinking that's the only reason you got the job? Because that's exactly what they will think, even if you believe you're being discreet, and the way people view you at work will never be the same. You will never come back from that.

Are you ok with the consequences to your DS and your marriage? Are you ok with not seeing your DS on certain holidays because he's going to be with his father? Or having to make parental decisions with your ex-DH for the next 10-15+ years?

It sounds like you're indifferent about your marriage because you have this thing with your colleague. If your colleague wasn't around, maybe things at home wouldn't seem so bad. It's easy to think the grass is greener and that the issues you have with your DH will resolve once the marriage ends.

I get that it's exciting and things at home are a bit dull. I understand how it feels to have someone new find you attractive and to feel attracted to them in return. But have enough respect for yourself, your DS and your DH to do the right thing. Either knock it off or end the marriage.

The current status of my marriage has nothing to do with the colleague. DH and I have been having problems for a while. I've known the colleague for almost a year but our relationship has grown closer only over the past month or so. I have been miserable at home so I feel like that is part of the reason I'm even entertaining this. Like I said earlier, "OM" is really not even my type physically. But he's a nice person and has been a good friend towards me and I think that's really what I've been missing which is why I feel myself being drawn to the situation. I know having an affair would be a disaster but I don't want to not be friends with him, he hasn't done anything wrong. Outside of some occasional lightly flirty banter, he's been nothing but a gentleman. And for all I know, he could zero interest in taking things further either and is just enjoying the ego boost.

This post makes me feel like OP is trolling.

Troll score: 7. Not bad, OP, not bad. Maybe a little too eager to respond, that sort of gave you away.

Not really sure why I keep being accused of being a troll. Who has that kind of time? I'm at work on a Friday and its slow in the office. I don't think anything I've said is so out of the ordinary or unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

OP - stop reacting to every accusation/post. You come off as very insecure. There are people here that have no lives and invade almost every thread. One is the "it's a troll" poster. Just ignore and move on.

Here is another thought (the cpap post was good advice):

A child put a new dynamic and news stresses on both parents. Often times the H tries to help but gets corrected by W. He stress that he can't get anything right. Consciously or subconsciously, she gets left with the majority of the child responsibilities. He's resentful that she made him feel useless and she's resentful that he's not helping. This spirals and they wind up in a shitty place. Sometimes, due to the added burden, you are rejecting sex/advances ("Are you kidding me with that, I'm exhausted"). More rejection and another blow to the ego. H retreats. You might not have even recognized the rejection or how often it was happening.

Sometimes you just need to hit a reset button. IMO, the best way to do that is get someone that can watch your child for a long weekend or preferably a week and go somewhere that all you have to worry about is each other. Rediscover what made you get married. After you get back, talk about issues and vow never to let each other fall into those holes. Promise that if something is bothering you or him, you will raise it and there will be no judgement, no anger, only listening by the other side.

[Anonymous]

Entering into or continuing an emotional affair is not working on your marriage. If you are done with the marriage, end it before engaging with someone else. If you are truly working on your marriage, then put your focus there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He offers you a full time job, you have an affair, people find out about it and you both get fired.

And possibly sued up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll be judged but whatever. I'm married with a young DS and I've become friends with a guy that I work with, also married with grown kids. Nothing has happened between us however we've been progressively spending more and more time together at work and are always IMing back and forth. Our conversations are mostly about every day stuff but have occasionally ventured into light flirtation, nothing sexual however. But I can feel a growing attraction between us and I feel like its only a matter of time before things cross over into affair territory. Its probably already an emotional affair at this point or bordering on it.

My marriage has been rocky for the past year or so not to mention DH and I rarely have sex so I know I'm really vulnerable right now. DH and I have been trying to work on our marriage however I am not certain if we are going to make in the long run. I haven't thrown in the towel yet but the lack of sex is definitely an issue for me so I'm sure that's a factor why I'm being drawn to someone else. The problem is I really like this guy as a person, its not just a purely physical thing. And to be honest, I probably would never have went for him when I was single. But he's so nice to me and such a gentle soul, I guess it just feels good.

Adding another layer of complication, so I'm a contractor at our company and he's been trying to help me get hired full time (he's a manager). He has a opening on his team coming up soon and has said he would hire me for it. So if that happens, then he'd be my manager and we'd probably occasionally have to travel together for work.

So on the one hand, I can't exactly "end" things because nothings happened and we've never even had a discussion about what's happening between us but OTOH, us being friends will benefit me in possibly getting this job. But then if I am hired and join his team, then we will be spending even more time together making an affair all the more likely.

I know I'm a mess. What should I do?

You are planning to accept bone, bone from outside the home
You are planning to moan, moan like you've been meaning to moan
Soon they will refer to you by the name of Alison Capone.

[Anonymous]

Get the job first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about him pooping.

Then, stop Messaging him, stop chatting with him, find another job, and don’t apply to the one on his team.

Recommit to your marriage and your vows.

There is so much you can do here but you don’t seem to want to do it. And the consequences will be so, so ugly. You will hurt so many people. His wife, his kids, your husband, your kid, your parents, his parents.

Set a higher standard for yourself. Is this who you are? Someone who hurts people because she can’t do the right thing?

Take the first point up a little: Imagine that he has skid marks.

Diarrhea is even better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

yeah

[Anonymous]

next time I suspect a woman slept her way to the top I will remember cases like OP and not give her the benefit of the doubt

[Anonymous]

I think this is very common, and I think in most situations no one finds out. Usually it fizzles out on its own. Those who are posting here are bitter haggard spouses. But I think it happens a lot and usually goes nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't be so sure this guy would hire you solely on merit. Are you ok with taking a job that you were offered - even in part - because of your flirtatious relationship with this guy? Are you ok with everyone thinking that's the only reason you got the job? Because that's exactly what they will think, even if you believe you're being discreet, and the way people view you at work will never be the same. You will never come back from that.

Are you ok with the consequences to your DS and your marriage? Are you ok with not seeing your DS on certain holidays because he's going to be with his father? Or having to make parental decisions with your ex-DH for the next 10-15+ years?

It sounds like you're indifferent about your marriage because you have this thing with your colleague. If your colleague wasn't around, maybe things at home wouldn't seem so bad. It's easy to think the grass is greener and that the issues you have with your DH will resolve once the marriage ends.

I get that it's exciting and things at home are a bit dull. I understand how it feels to have someone new find you attractive and to feel attracted to them in return. But have enough respect for yourself, your DS and your DH to do the right thing. Either knock it off or end the marriage.

The current status of my marriage has nothing to do with the colleague. DH and I have been having problems for a while. I've known the colleague for almost a year but our relationship has grown closer only over the past month or so. I have been miserable at home so I feel like that is part of the reason I'm even entertaining this. Like I said earlier, "OM" is really not even my type physically. But he's a nice person and has been a good friend towards me and I think that's really what I've been missing which is why I feel myself being drawn to the situation. I know having an affair would be a disaster but I don't want to not be friends with him, he hasn't done anything wrong. Outside of some occasional lightly flirty banter, he's been nothing but a gentleman. And for all I know, he could zero interest in taking things further either and is just enjoying the ego boost.

This post makes me feel like OP is trolling.

Troll score: 7. Not bad, OP, not bad. Maybe a little too eager to respond, that sort of gave you away.

Not really sure why I keep being accused of being a troll. Who has that kind of time? I'm at work on a Friday and its slow in the office. I don't think anything I've said is so out of the ordinary or unrealistic.

You react to almost all of the posts with the same cliche crap about your feelings.

You seem to ignore any points about your child, your family, his family, etc.

This thread should be three pages max, and one of the posts should be you coming to a realization that you are being stupid and self-destructive and that whatever is going on with this guy needs to stop. Everyone here is telling you the same thing and the only reason to prolong the thread is to troll.