Feel like I'm on a crash course towards an affair. Can't stop.

[Anonymous]

I know I'll be judged but whatever. I'm married with a young DS and I've become friends with a guy that I work with, also married with grown kids. Nothing has happened between us however we've been progressively spending more and more time together at work and are always IMing back and forth. Our conversations are mostly about every day stuff but have occasionally ventured into light flirtation, nothing sexual however. But I can feel a growing attraction between us and I feel like its only a matter of time before things cross over into affair territory. Its probably already an emotional affair at this point or bordering on it.

My marriage has been rocky for the past year or so not to mention DH and I rarely have sex so I know I'm really vulnerable right now. DH and I have been trying to work on our marriage however I am not certain if we are going to make in the long run. I haven't thrown in the towel yet but the lack of sex is definitely an issue for me so I'm sure that's a factor why I'm being drawn to someone else. The problem is I really like this guy as a person, its not just a purely physical thing. And to be honest, I probably would never have went for him when I was single. But he's so nice to me and such a gentle soul, I guess it just feels good.

Adding another layer of complication, so I'm a contractor at our company and he's been trying to help me get hired full time (he's a manager). He has a opening on his team coming up soon and has said he would hire me for it. So if that happens, then he'd be my manager and we'd probably occasionally have to travel together for work.

So on the one hand, I can't exactly "end" things because nothings happened and we've never even had a discussion about what's happening between us but OTOH, us being friends will benefit me in possibly getting this job. But then if I am hired and join his team, then we will be spending even more time together making an affair all the more likely.

I know I'm a mess. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Tl;DR

So when it happens please... please don't say "it just happened".

Stop talking to him, stop IMing, ghost him... you won't ... enjoy the train wreck, princess.

BTDT with 3 friends, it's an ugly thing to watch.

[Anonymous]

This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

[Anonymous]

Stop IMing him. Stop flirting. Think about whether you want to stay married. If so, start working on that and start looking for another job. If not, then start figuring out how to end it.

But don‘t go on with this whole I-am-so-vulnerable, it’s-just-happening-and-I-can’t-stop-it BS. You are an adult with a child. Act like it.

Harsh, perhaps, but you asked.

[Anonymous]

If you love your son, you can help it. Figure out what you want for your son. Do you mind sharing custody? Are you okay with him knowing later that your affair broke up the marriage? Grow up and stop being selfish. Parenting is hard on a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

F-off.

OP. You can stop. You have free will and your own agency. Have a talk with yourself. Write down all the awful things that could potentially happen to your family and you if you start the affair. Just stop as the first PP said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop IMing him. Stop flirting. Think about whether you want to stay married. If so, start working on that and start looking for another job. If not, then start figuring out how to end it.

But don‘t go on with this whole I-am-so-vulnerable, it’s-just-happening-and-I-can’t-stop-it BS. You are an adult with a child. Act like it.

Harsh, perhaps, but you asked.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP, sleep with him. He could be your soulmate (and your hiring manager! )

[Anonymous]

You are addicted to drama. Was there abuse/abandonment in your childhood? are you adhd/bipolar?

[Anonymous]

OP - it's fine if you all want to bash me but that's not really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Think about your child. Think about his face. Think about him knowing that you did this to his family and his father. Because he will find out.

[Anonymous]

I’d look long and hard at whether or not this person is worth not seeing your child for days at a time. And to me-especially with a child-I truly judge not first ending your marriage before starting a new relationship. If your marriage is over-end it. You and your maybe AP owe it to both your current spouses and all your children

[Anonymous]

Reader's Digest Version.....


I'm married with a young DS. a

light flirtation, nothing sexual however. But I can feel a growing attraction between us.

blah blah blah - violins ... same old story.

he's been trying to help me get hired full time

I know I'm a mess. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Go for it. It could be the real thing. Soul mate. Stick with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about your child. Think about his face. Think about him knowing that you did this to his family and his father. Because he will find out.

Think about the cost of therapy when he is getting high every week in high school and he is telling his therapist his mom is a whore.