Feel like I'm on a crash course towards an affair. Can't stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is very common, and I think in most situations no one finds out. Usually it fizzles out on its own. Those who are posting here are bitter haggard spouses. But I think it happens a lot and usually goes nowhere.

This. Sometimes people even (wrongly) assume affairs that aren't. Still nobody cares in the office.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

Such snarky responses here.

OP, while the temptation is going to be very tough to handle, I think this entire situation has the capacity to blow up in your face.

Too many ifs involved.

When if this guy does get you a job - well then you may feel that you “owe” him.
Also, say you enter an affair & things get messy and it ends.
How awkward it would be to still work w/this person!
And considering you both are married - the odds are definitely not in either of your favors.

Try to be rational and look at the entire picture.
Keeping your emotions at bay while doing so.

You want to avoid any future heartache for sure.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, here’s the thing: you seem determined to self-destruct and go for it. You’re very defensive toward anyone telling you how dumb this is, how not worth it, how much you will regret it. But you can’t listen to any of it because you’re in fantasy land.

The unfortunate truth is that women are judged much more harshly than men for affairs. If you go down this path, you will always be the home wrecker, the trashy woman, the whore. Your AP’s parents, kids, etc will view you that way, your husband and his inevitable new family will view you that way, and your son will too. You need to snap out if it and think about the consequences. Work on your marriage, put your energy there, or if you are just done, end it with integrity. Snap out of your selfish fog.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a judgmental person. I almost had an affair. I didn't go through with it. Long story, but my marriage is still not great, but I knew I could not handle an affair and would fall for the guy. My dad also had affairs, so, yeah.

Can you handle being used? Remember, it's a fantasy, and the guy will stay with his wife. How would you feel in that situation? How would you feel if you were caught? Could you handle the repurcussions?

Most stories are similar. One of my best friends left her husband for her AP, who was also supposed to separate. He didn't. Her DH found out, divorced her and she didn't get alimony in her state as his money was tied up in his father's company. She works in retail and is dating. She actually does seem happy, but misses being a (very pampered) SAHM with all of the perks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are addicted to drama. Was there abuse/abandonment in your childhood? are you adhd/bipolar?

x100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

Me Too has NOTHING to do with this. The OP is talking about 2 consenting adults. Me Too involves sexual assault, rape, intimidation, etc. VERY different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is very common, and I think in most situations no one finds out. Usually it fizzles out on its own. Those who are posting here are bitter haggard spouses. But I think it happens a lot and usually goes nowhere.

This. Sometimes people even (wrongly) assume affairs that aren't. Still nobody cares in the office.

Married 14 year, had two offices affairs. One was way too careless and people probably knew. Second was totally buried. Both faded.

OP, as a man I can tell you this: your potential AP, it isn't his first rodeo. Instead of picturing him on the toilet or whatever lame advice girls give, picture him sending sweet nothings to another woman not his wife. If you don't care, then perhaps you can have an NSA fling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is very common, and I think in most situations no one finds out. Usually it fizzles out on its own. Those who are posting here are bitter haggard spouses. But I think it happens a lot and usually goes nowhere.

This. Sometimes people even (wrongly) assume affairs that aren't. Still nobody cares in the office.

Married 14 year, had two offices affairs. One was way too careless and people probably knew. Second was totally buried. Both faded.

OP, as a man I can tell you this: your potential AP, it isn't his first rodeo. Instead of picturing him on the toilet or whatever lame advice girls give, picture him sending sweet nothings to another woman not his wife. If you don't care, then perhaps you can have an NSA fling.

Whoa.
This seems like legit advice. Heed it, OP.

[Anonymous]

Imagine your family is a glass vase. Now take that vase and smash it on a concrete floor. That's what you'll be doing. And for what? A man who may not even leave his wife for you, whose children and family will despise and never accept you. Your financial security will be destroyed, your friends will drop you, your family will be ashamed of you, and your neighbors will gossip about you and avoid eye contact. You will halve the time you spend with your son, and eventually he may have a stepmother who kisses him good night instead of you.

Make better choices.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like my ex sister in law. She went through with the affair with a co-worker it lasted 6 months, she asked him to leave his wife and he said NO. I honestly doubt this was his first affair. Her husband (my brother) found out and they got divorced and she’s been trying to reconcile with everyone ever since. I don’t agree with what she did but I honestly can’t believe the way people treat her now. Women definitely get more shit then men in these situations.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can either work on your marriage or think about this other guy. You can't do both. And once you have an affair- especially after going without as much sex as you want and need - you won't be able to want your husband fully.

I know this from experience. Low-sex marriage to a low-drive husband. What should have been small conflicts grw because we didn't have that intimacy and pleasure to look forward to. When I eventually got involved with someone else I started feeling the full force of my resentment at losing sex so early in my life. You can't sleep with someone and work on a relationship with someone else. So don't do it unless it's a way to find the strength to leave or you're very good at living a double life.

Something people on DCUM will deny: you can get away with affairs. Even extended affairs. S
Most affairs are never discovered and it's pretty easy to do. The toughest part is concealing the change in temperament once you're having satisfying sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ok, I hear you. But how do you think other people would find out how I got the job? And also, we had spoke about this position before things got to where they are now with us. So its not like it was ever "dangled" or has anything to do with why I like him. Things progressed kind of on their own because we're involved in a lot of the same activities at work and run into each other a lot. And then we're both also into the same hobby, so we would talk a lot about that. I don't think either one of us set out to be where we are now.

What are your hobbies? Having affairs?

[Anonymous]

When you cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I am not meaning to respond to every accusation or come across defensive, I have really just been trying to add clarification. I am really not trying to make excuses, I’m listening to everyone’s advice and I appreciate those who have given sincere answers without the snark or personal insults.

[Anonymous]

Oh but you CAN stop. You just don’t want to.