Feel like I'm on a crash course towards an affair. Can't stop.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can stop, OP. You intentionally choose to be a selfish coward.

[Anonymous]

it sounds like you're not very into your marriage

for your kid, it's probably better if you get divorced first before you start dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why the me too movement can only gain limited traction. L

I don't work for him nor am I dependent on him for anything. There's other positions I can apply for.

[Anonymous]

You can stop. You're an adult.

If you believe in God, pray for HIS marriage (yours sounds like it is toast -- just a matter of time). Get yourself out of your selfish mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can stop, OP. You intentionally choose to be a selfish coward.

But stop what?? Nothing has happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can stop, OP. You intentionally choose to be a selfish coward.

But stop what?? Nothing has happened.

flirting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop IMing him. Stop flirting. Think about whether you want to stay married. If so, start working on that and start looking for another job. If not, then start figuring out how to end it.

But don‘t go on with this whole I-am-so-vulnerable, it’s-just-happening-and-I-can’t-stop-it BS. You are an adult with a child. Act like it.

Harsh, perhaps, but you asked.

This.

Sure this is fun. Until it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - it's fine if you all want to bash me but that's not really helpful.

Well, we aren't standing in front of you to slap you, screaming "snap out of it!" What did you expect? People are correctly telling you to stop, and that it is fully in your control. Acting helpless annoys us.

[Anonymous]

OP - but what about the job situation? Do you think it would be a bad idea to take the job on his team if offered?

You don't think we can just be friends?

[Anonymous]

The trouble with trouble is it always starts out at fun. Once you ring that bell OP you can't undo the shit show that follows.

Reel yourself in and get a grip. You're romanticizing things. it won't be worth it, especially with someone you work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll be judged but whatever. I'm married with a young DS and I've become friends with a guy that I work with, also married with grown kids. Nothing has happened between us however we've been progressively spending more and more time together at work and are always IMing back and forth. Our conversations are mostly about every day stuff but have occasionally ventured into light flirtation, nothing sexual however. But I can feel a growing attraction between us and I feel like its only a matter of time before things cross over into affair territory. Its probably already an emotional affair at this point or bordering on it.

My marriage has been rocky for the past year or so not to mention DH and I rarely have sex so I know I'm really vulnerable right now. DH and I have been trying to work on our marriage however I am not certain if we are going to make in the long run. I haven't thrown in the towel yet but the lack of sex is definitely an issue for me so I'm sure that's a factor why I'm being drawn to someone else. The problem is I really like this guy as a person, its not just a purely physical thing. And to be honest, I probably would never have went for him when I was single. But he's so nice to me and such a gentle soul, I guess it just feels good.

Adding another layer of complication, so I'm a contractor at our company and he's been trying to help me get hired full time (he's a manager). He has a opening on his team coming up soon and has said he would hire me for it. So if that happens, then he'd be my manager and we'd probably occasionally have to travel together for work.

So on the one hand, I can't exactly "end" things because nothings happened and we've never even had a discussion about what's happening between us but OTOH, us being friends will benefit me in possibly getting this job. But then if I am hired and join his team, then we will be spending even more time together making an affair all the more likely.

I know I'm a mess. What should I do?

You can stop. For starters, stop IMing back and forth. Do you have to be on IM for work? If so, keep it to work. If he brings up non-work, give non-response responses and then suddenly have something you need to do. Stop spending so much time together. Don't eat lunch together. Don't take coffee breaks together. Don't speak with him when you're not at work. Try not to speak about things that are unrelated to work.

You are enjoying the attention because you are feeling neglected emotionally and sexually by your husband. That is normal and understandable given how you've described your marriage, but frankly, it was your marriage getting to that point that made you ripe to enjoy attention from other men, not this specific man and the specific attention he gives you. Think about how you can repair your marriage. If the answer is that you cannot repair it, it is time to consider separating. That decision should be made independently and without the assumption that you will ever be romantically attached to anyone again in your life. If you would rather be single forever than married to your husband, file for divorce and get it over with. If you think that you could fix things with your husband by addressing the problems that you know already exist.

Rule of thumb, though, is that you cannot - I repeat, CANNOT - repair a struggling married while continuing to be involved, even just emotionally, with someone else.

It would probably be a good idea to look for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - but what about the job situation? Do you think it would be a bad idea to take the job on his team if offered?

You don't think we can just be friends?

Don’t feed the troll. The fact that OP keeps posting and asking questions shows they are just a bored troll.

[Anonymous]

Think about him pooping.

Then, stop Messaging him, stop chatting with him, find another job, and don’t apply to the one on his team.

Recommit to your marriage and your vows.

There is so much you can do here but you don’t seem to want to do it. And the consequences will be so, so ugly. You will hurt so many people. His wife, his kids, your husband, your kid, your parents, his parents.

Set a higher standard for yourself. Is this who you are? Someone who hurts people because she can’t do the right thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - but what about the job situation? Do you think it would be a bad idea to take the job on his team if offered?

You don't think we can just be friends?

Think about it this way, OP.

If you get this job because you flirted with and got emotionally involved with this man, you will end up in a situation where you are flirting with and emotionally involved with your boss. If you care about him at all, know that he can get fired for that. If you care about your reputation at all, know that other people will know how you ended up there and will not take you seriously professionally.

[Anonymous]

I’m embarrassed for you, OP. You’re so dumb it’s painful. Of course you shouldn’t take a job on his team, but you know this.