First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

But it's not just "life". It's what the OP and the DH CHOSE TO DO. They wanted a baby and that means the grandchildren get less time. Entirely predictable and they cannot expect others to be happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

What you’re ignoring is that this baby is the SD’s sibling. He deserves just as much of the dads attention as SD got as a baby. Her resentment of the existence of her BABY BROTHER is gross.

Think about if you would indulge your bio children this way if there was a large age gap between your first and last baby. I’ve met several people who had children young an “oops baby” later in life. The adults have to act like grown ups - intact family or otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

What you’re ignoring is that this baby is the SD’s sibling. He deserves just as much of the dads attention as SD got as a baby. Her resentment of the existence of her BABY BROTHER is gross.

Think about if you would indulge your bio children this way if there was a large age gap between your first and last baby. I’ve met several people who had children young an “oops baby” later in life. The adults have to act like grown ups - intact family or otherwise.

Oops and self-indulgence are not the same thing — perhaps biologically the same, but not emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

What you’re ignoring is that this baby is the SD’s sibling. He deserves just as much of the dads attention as SD got as a baby. Her resentment of the existence of her BABY BROTHER is gross.

Think about if you would indulge your bio children this way if there was a large age gap between your first and last baby. I’ve met several people who had children young an “oops baby” later in life. The adults have to act like grown ups - intact family or otherwise.

Oops and self-indulgence are not the same, especially emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say grandpa/new dad was 30 when he had daughter age 29. Based on this estimate, Grandpa is 69 and second wife is 43.

Let’s say dad/gpa was 18 when he had dd 29, making him now 48 and new wife 43. I know it is hard for DCUM to fathom, but 18yr olds have children all the time.

DH has a house large enough sleep 17 people. He did not start his first round of marriage and 3 kids at 18.

Of course it’s not impossible, but you know it is highly, highly unlikely.

He also has 3 adult children and 5 grandchildren, 3 of which are not the 29 year old's kids.

Unless all 3 of his kids are repeating the cycle and having kids very young, there is no way that OPs husband is in his 40s. You are grasping at straws to keep arguing this point.

At the youngest, the man is pushing 60 (assuming the 29 year old is the oldest child).

If the 29 year old is the youngest child, then OPs husband could be in his late 60s or even early 70s.

[Anonymous]

I guess we will never hear from OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

+1. Also, he could easily be retired by now.

[Anonymous]

I can just image the 5 and 7 year old pairs — rival grandkids — destroying the house and making step mom cry. While GD consoles the older children. It’s a lifetime movie. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

What you’re ignoring is that this baby is the SD’s sibling. He deserves just as much of the dads attention as SD got as a baby. Her resentment of the existence of her BABY BROTHER is gross.

Think about if you would indulge your bio children this way if there was a large age gap between your first and last baby. I’ve met several people who had children young an “oops baby” later in life. The adults have to act like grown ups - intact family or otherwise.

I have three children and my husband has done one-on-one weekends away (fishing, waterpark) with a single kid to give them private time, and vice versa. I think that sort of thing is really bonding and healthy for all the kids.

It's not any different making room for this husband to make room for a grandchild separately from his child.

Some short getaways without the baby is not going to be detrimental to the baby even as he ages, and will benefit him if it helps ease some of the family tension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

Unless you are OP and know something the rest of us don’t granddad could be in his 60s and retired. OP could be SAH (trophy wives often are) and there is no indication either travels for work. Parents everywhere cover the parenting of one years olds (plus two kids she was single parenting) for a long weekend all the time. As PPs have said, if she wanted simple, she should not have married into a complex family dynamic. And added another kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

The reason this doesn’t make sense is because OP has a baby. It’s a little ridiculous to expect the family with a baby to give the family with a 5 and 7 year olds a break. I think Stepdaughter knows this and that’s another reason she’s upset and grieving all over again. Her children will never get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would have. It sucks but that’s life.

How many of you would be okay with your DH leaving you alone with the baby (AND using a bunch of vacation time several times a year - there’s more than one adult kid) to take grandchildren to Disney? This in addition to all the work travel you have to cover for each other. It’s not happening - and SD knows this. Sometimes you have to deal with reality and not be a jerk about it.

I would be fine with it. Because that's what you get when you CHOOSE TO MARRY A GRANDFATHER.

What you’re ignoring is that this baby is the SD’s sibling. He deserves just as much of the dads attention as SD got as a baby. Her resentment of the existence of her BABY BROTHER is gross.

Think about if you would indulge your bio children this way if there was a large age gap between your first and last baby. I’ve met several people who had children young an “oops baby” later in life. The adults have to act like grown ups - intact family or otherwise.

I have three children and my husband has done one-on-one weekends away (fishing, waterpark) with a single kid to give them private time, and vice versa. I think that sort of thing is really bonding and healthy for all the kids.

It's not any different making room for this husband to make room for a grandchild separately from his child.

Some short getaways without the baby is not going to be detrimental to the baby even as he ages, and will benefit him if it helps ease some of the family tension.

Plus, he should of course also spend time with his new family independently. Is it time consuming and expensive? Yep. But that’s what happens when you choose to add a new baby to a family.

[Anonymous]

Any family’s Christmas would be ruined if everyone was getting sick.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, older men don't really want to spend time with their grandkids based on my observations. Even if he and OP hadnt married, it wouldn't mean that the 29yo DD acquired a male Mary Poppins for her brood. Their resentment about less time for the grandkids doesnt make sense. Older men see their grandkids, coo over them for an hour and give them back. They are not playing grandma.