First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

This didn't turn out like the Brady Bunch? Wow, imagine that - real life is actually complicated and sometimes not happy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a hot mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

Disagree. Why must OP be burdened with making family relationships easier for her DH?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Please overlook the matter this time. Your stepdaughter is going through a lot right now (sick plus grieving plus remarriage).

Here's what I know: sometimes people mature really late and life experience teaches them empathy. This critical 29 year old might be much warmer towards you in 10 years. It can take some time.

In the meantime, don't take it personally, respond calmly, be the bigger person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

I don’t see any problem with the new kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

Disagree. Why must OP be burdened with making family relationships easier for her DH?

OP doesn’t HAVE to do anything. But I suspect her having a third kid and his 4th when they are likely 20 years apart in age and he already has grandkids, but she has young kids, is being driven by her, not him. If she loves her spouse, and wants him to be happy, she might consider putting in some extra effort beyond what she MUST do to help her husband back to firmer footing with his kids. Which is no greater burden than making a suggestion, and not making him feel guilty about the time and money he spends on his first round of kids and grandkids. And possibly hosting grandkids in the summer. Which face it— is what grandmas like OP chose to become do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

Disagree. Why must OP be burdened with making family relationships easier for her DH?

OP doesn’t HAVE to do anything. But I suspect her having a third kid and his 4th when they are likely 20 years apart in age and he already has grandkids, but she has young kids, is being driven by her, not him. If she loves her spouse, and wants him to be happy, she might consider putting in some extra effort beyond what she MUST do to help her husband back to firmer footing with his kids. Which is no greater burden than making a suggestion, and not making him feel guilty about the time and money he spends on his first round of kids and grandkids. And possibly hosting grandkids in the summer. Which face it— is what grandmas like OP chose to become do.

Nothing to suggest that OP begrudges her husband spending money on his kids and grandkids.

[Anonymous]

OP, come back and reveal DH's age!

[Anonymous]

Let’s say grandpa/new dad was 30 when he had daughter age 29. Based on this estimate, Grandpa is 69 and second wife is 43.

[Anonymous]

Correction 59, but could be 69.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say grandpa/new dad was 30 when he had daughter age 29. Based on this estimate, Grandpa is 69 and second wife is 43.

Let’s say dad/gpa was 18 when he had dd 29, making him now 48 and new wife 43. I know it is hard for DCUM to fathom, but 18yr olds have children all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say grandpa/new dad was 30 when he had daughter age 29. Based on this estimate, Grandpa is 69 and second wife is 43.

Let’s say dad/gpa was 18 when he had dd 29, making him now 48 and new wife 43. I know it is hard for DCUM to fathom, but 18yr olds have children all the time.

DH has a house large enough sleep 17 people. He did not start his first round of marriage and 3 kids at 18.

Of course it’s not impossible, but you know it is highly, highly unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say grandpa/new dad was 30 when he had daughter age 29. Based on this estimate, Grandpa is 69 and second wife is 43.

Let’s say dad/gpa was 18 when he had dd 29, making him now 48 and new wife 43. I know it is hard for DCUM to fathom, but 18yr olds have children all the time.

not true for most families--only in some cultures and SES groups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, don't force it. Like having a new baby at 43 with a grandpa seems a little forced when you both have children.

This! Sorry but true.

+2. What I have been thinking all thread. WTAF OP? You married someone 20-25 years your senior. Brought two young kids into the marriage. Then had a baby with him (with help? Not always easy to get pregnant at 42 naturally). And are surprised Holidays Chez Trump went badly? Come on. This was bound to go badly.

Also, if you actually want things to go smoother, PPs have a point. It must be tough that their mother isn’t there to be grandma, and now their dad has three new little kids to dote on, instead of his grandkids. If you actually want to find a way to make things better for your DH, then help him find a way to be more involved with the first round of kids and grandkids. For example, maybe he could take each of his kids, and their kids, somewhere fun for a long weekend each year— Disney, NYC, etc. As the grandkids get older, have them come to your house for a few days in the summer, and give their parents some time off. They can get to know their half/ step grand siblings and also be sure spend some one on one time with their grandfather. Everyone there at once is impossible demands on your DH’s attention, and setting it up to fail.

Disagree. Why must OP be burdened with making family relationships easier for her DH?

OP doesn’t HAVE to do anything. But I suspect her having a third kid and his 4th when they are likely 20 years apart in age and he already has grandkids, but she has young kids, is being driven by her, not him. If she loves her spouse, and wants him to be happy, she might consider putting in some extra effort beyond what she MUST do to help her husband back to firmer footing with his kids. Which is no greater burden than making a suggestion, and not making him feel guilty about the time and money he spends on his first round of kids and grandkids. And possibly hosting grandkids in the summer. Which face it— is what grandmas like OP chose to become do.

+1 You have absolutely nailed it with this post and your previous one.