Please help- my DH lost his job again and I’m thinking of leaving him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP in the mix of things to do-investigate bankruptcy for your medical debt. We had our share of the $2mil hospital bill for our DD who died. We were able to do Chap 13 and keep our home. Chap 13 is where all debts are paid but structured into one payment. The overwhelming stress of debt on multiple fronts is devastating. Even if you have to liquidate you’re lucky to have parents to provide a base for you. Coupled with job instability/loss-large and unexpected debt from medical bills make it hard to function just from the worry.

I hope you find a way forward as a family but do what you can to ease burdens where you can.

m

Op here- I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the advice. Our medical debt is insurmountable. I’m on a payment plan with the hospital and pay $125 a month, but It’s just crippling to know you owe so much money. We do not carry any other debt.

It’s sad but in this country the majority of bankruptcies are due to crippling medical bills. pP’s advice is good.

[Anonymous]

How about starting off w/a separation for now?

Go live w/your parents & accept their offer of help.

Then take a wait + see approach.

Your husband may change his ways once he sees just how serious you are about getting him to change!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he stay home with the kids and you go back to work?

Leaving an alcoholic home with small kids isn't a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he stay home with the kids and you go back to work?

Leaving an alcoholic home with small kids isn't a good idea.

So is OP caring for the children 24/7 now?

OP, you are clearly reading, given your post on page 6, so what is it - I am your husband be trusted to care for the children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial instability can certainly wreck a marriage, but I'm not sure the person who doesn't work at all has the right to look down on the person who keeps getting jobs but then losing them. Why not get a career now, and let him stay home with the kids? If you love him and the kids love him and you're going to end up getting a job anyway, why blow up the marriage as well?

This. OMG this. If the drinking is a proble then that needs to be addressed but it is pretty crazy to criticize him for not holding a job when you aren’t even trying to work.

She's watching 2 kids under the age of 5. That IS work. Those kids aren't watching themselves. God how I hate how destructive people can be to mothers.

+1 Two kids under the age of 3 actually. Definitely plenty to do at home.

Maybe they need to switch roles - OP works and her husband takes care of the children. Listen, I'm a mom and the breadwinner. My job is to make sure my children are cared for both physically and financially. Stop letting mothers and father off with partial responsibilities.

If he can't hold a job, he may not be able to take care of 2 little kids, particularly one which the OP says is medically fragile. You don't know the details. The OP suggested her option was to go live with her parents and stabilize her situation. Seems like a good one to me. The people shaming OP and asking her why she chose to have kids are terrible people.

DP: and neither do you. But somehow in your mind the suggestion that she to back to work is completely out of limits but the suggestion that she kidnap the kids because her husband lost his job is A-OK. This terrible people lens fits both ways.

Who is talking about kidnapping kids? You have reading comprehension problems. She wants to go to live with her parents and find a job and stabilize her life. Her husband is fine with that. But some people who don’t read carefully want to shame her for what appears to be a well thought out plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial instability can certainly wreck a marriage, but I'm not sure the person who doesn't work at all has the right to look down on the person who keeps getting jobs but then losing them. Why not get a career now, and let him stay home with the kids? If you love him and the kids love him and you're going to end up getting a job anyway, why blow up the marriage as well?

This. OMG this. If the drinking is a proble then that needs to be addressed but it is pretty crazy to criticize him for not holding a job when you aren’t even trying to work.

She's watching 2 kids under the age of 5. That IS work. Those kids aren't watching themselves. God how I hate how destructive people can be to mothers.

+1 Two kids under the age of 3 actually. Definitely plenty to do at home.

Maybe they need to switch roles - OP works and her husband takes care of the children. Listen, I'm a mom and the breadwinner. My job is to make sure my children are cared for both physically and financially. Stop letting mothers and father off with partial responsibilities.

If he can't hold a job, he may not be able to take care of 2 little kids, particularly one which the OP says is medically fragile. You don't know the details. The OP suggested her option was to go live with her parents and stabilize her situation. Seems like a good one to me. The people shaming OP and asking her why she chose to have kids are terrible people.

DP: and neither do you. But somehow in your mind the suggestion that she to back to work is completely out of limits but the suggestion that she kidnap the kids because her husband lost his job is A-OK. This terrible people lens fits both ways.

Who is talking about kidnapping kids? You have reading comprehension problems. She wants to go to live with her parents and find a job and stabilize her life. Her husband is fine with that. But some people who don’t read carefully want to shame her for what appears to be a well thought out plan.

Where in OP’s posts did you read that she talked this over with her DH and he agreed. I only see her speculation and her parents’ suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Rehab now for him or you separate, go to your parents, do not get a job until divorce final.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, the amount of people calling OP lazy and saying she should ne breadwinner are high. No way would I let a heavy drinker be main caretaker for two young children. Dumbasses.

Yes, much better for the kids to have two unemployed parents.

[Anonymous]

DTMFA

[Anonymous]

Your parents are terrible - taking the children away from their father??
Can they not come babysit here while you build a career? Or pay for a nice nanny to help your family?
Your husband should watch his back, your parents sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

Amazing how many people here are quick to give the unemployed, SAHM who continued to stay unemployed during her DH's obvious job issues a completely free pass when she has done pretty much nothing to better their financial situation either. What happened to accountability for both partners? If he's a good dad it makes sense to try switching roles first before you completely abandon the man and the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a tough situation.

If I was a young father, who lost my job multiple times in relatively short succession, and then had my wife leave me, along with my kids, I would most likely kill myself.

Just being honest.

Obviously, not everyone is me. I'm not sure what his issue is, but I'd try to frame this as less of a "I'm dumping you because you are a failure" and more of a "I'm going to be staying with the kids at my parents while you take a little time to go through rehab and get help."

NP. Please don't worry about this. It's not your fault what he does if you leave him.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe the number of people who are advocating for what would essentially be parental kidnapping here. OP cannot unilaterally take her children across the country. It's not just wrong morally, it could result in her losing custody of the kids in a custody dispute.

OP needs to get a job and her parents should support her remotely in that. Or they should move to where she is. When OPs kids figure out that OPs parents tried to cut their father out of their lives, it is going to do a number on them.

[Anonymous]

I think the best/safest situation for all legally, physically, and emotionally would be for your kids to enroll in a daycare around here and for you to look for a job with benefits. if your parents could help with daycare around HERE, that would be ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the best/safest situation for all legally, physically, and emotionally would be for your kids to enroll in a daycare around here and for you to look for a job with benefits. if your parents could help with daycare around HERE, that would be ideal.

+1. Dad can get his sh!t together, go to meetings, apply for jobs, and be the point person for all other kid stuff.

And they need to talk about bankruptcy.