Please help- my DH lost his job again and I’m thinking of leaving him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP-

My DH and I have talked extensively and had a day of reflecting. While at first he was receptive to me leaving with the kids, he changed his mind and so I will remain here and try to stabilize my life by getting employed ASAP.

Tonight I was on Indeed looking at opportunities, and I’m polishing the resume. I am a reading resource teacher and hope I can land something soon.

We will look into a daycare center for the children, and I feel good about this. I am actually relieved to get out of the house.

My DH still needs to address his drinking though, and the underlying reason he loses jobs.

Setting aside the underlying reasons for a moment, what are the actual reasons that his employers are giving when they fire him? They may or may not be related. He needs to first fix the appearance that he can perform his job and then tackle any deep routed issues.

Also, I just want to repeat what others have said. Depending on what debt you have left, you really should look into bankruptcy. Unless that would prevent either of you from obtaining employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL so wait, OP doesn't have a job and wants to leave her H ... for not having a job...?

Too funny. Also, I guess that for "richer or poorer" line in the marriage vows don't apply

She has a job taking care of two kids 3 and under. The younger one born at 26 wks. I am sure your job is much easier.

Her husband is jobless again for the 5th time. He drinks too much and probably has ADHD - he counts as 3 additional babies to take care of.

+1 First PP is an idiot. Taking care of little kids is a job. If OP had to pay someone to watch her kids 24/7 it would be a lot more than the teacher's salary she could earn. If I were OP, I'd move to my parents too to get my life together and build my finances up with a family support system. The difficult DH can follow if/when he is able. Nothing keeping them on this coast if no one is employed here.

Actually you are the idiot here. She wouldn't have to pay someone to watch her children 24/7. Nor does that make any difference since the monetary equivalent of the value of being a SAHM doesn't translate to being able to pay your bills.

I can only imagine you are probably the type to advise OP to add chef, chauffeur, and advisor to her resume to reflect her time as a SAHM

[Anonymous]

OP you said he's "a pretty heavy drinker". I know many of those and it rarely = s/he's an out of control drunk. If he was you would have just said he has a serious problem with alcohol. It sounds like some possible drinking impact, but more likely severe depression or something he can get help for. For the sake of your family and kids I would at least try to explore mental issues/medication with him (threaten to leave if you have to get him on board). And yes as others have said, legally you cannot take the kids out of state from him without his consent or a signed separation agreement. And if you don't think you have money now - wait until this starts costing cost you legal fees to defend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the number of people who are advocating for what would essentially be parental kidnapping here. OP cannot unilaterally take her children across the country. It's not just wrong morally, it could result in her losing custody of the kids in a custody dispute.

OP needs to get a job and her parents should support her remotely in that. Or they should move to where she is. When OPs kids figure out that OPs parents tried to cut their father out of their lives, it is going to do a number on them.

You really shouldn't speak if you have no idea what you are talking about. Moving with your kids with your husband's knowledge is not parental abduction. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

My DH still needs to address his drinking though

So, I will put in a plug for a program that finally helped me address mine - with full caveat that everyone is different.

https://thisnakedmind.com/

Obviously, there are many more routes out there, and depending on where your husband is with things, he may need something different. This appealed to me for a lot of reasons and one of the big ones was the way you think about your alcohol use/abuse - that your decision to not drink is not a punishment but freedom.

If this doesn't appeal to him, please support him in whatever he wants to do to research what will help.

Best of luck - you seem to care for each other very much. I hope you can work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the number of people who are advocating for what would essentially be parental kidnapping here. OP cannot unilaterally take her children across the country. It's not just wrong morally, it could result in her losing custody of the kids in a custody dispute.

OP needs to get a job and her parents should support her remotely in that. Or they should move to where she is. When OPs kids figure out that OPs parents tried to cut their father out of their lives, it is going to do a number on them.

You really shouldn't speak if you have no idea what you are talking about. Moving with your kids with your husband's knowledge is not parental abduction. Get a grip.

knowledge does not equal consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the number of people who are advocating for what would essentially be parental kidnapping here. OP cannot unilaterally take her children across the country. It's not just wrong morally, it could result in her losing custody of the kids in a custody dispute.

OP needs to get a job and her parents should support her remotely in that. Or they should move to where she is. When OPs kids figure out that OPs parents tried to cut their father out of their lives, it is going to do a number on them.

You really shouldn't speak if you have no idea what you are talking about. Moving with your kids with your husband's knowledge is not parental abduction. Get a grip.

knowledge does not equal consent.

It's a moot point now b/c she said she's staying, but under VA and many state's laws, a custodial parent taking the children is not abduction. The parents are still married and there's no court orders in place. Again, you might want to hold back with the ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the number of people who are advocating for what would essentially be parental kidnapping here. OP cannot unilaterally take her children across the country. It's not just wrong morally, it could result in her losing custody of the kids in a custody dispute.

OP needs to get a job and her parents should support her remotely in that. Or they should move to where she is. When OPs kids figure out that OPs parents tried to cut their father out of their lives, it is going to do a number on them.

You really shouldn't speak if you have no idea what you are talking about. Moving with your kids with your husband's knowledge is not parental abduction. Get a grip.

knowledge does not equal consent.

It's a moot point now b/c she said she's staying, but under VA and many state's laws, a custodial parent taking the children is not abduction. The parents are still married and there's no court orders in place. Again, you might want to hold back with the ignorance.

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has some issues. One of which is chronic job loss, followed by long periods of unemployment. He recently was terminated from another job after 1 year. This is the fifth job he has lost. We have a 14 month old and an almost 3 year old. I am not working. But I am tired of the constant instability. I believe the problem is him and not the jobs. I believe he has ADHD. He also is a pretty heavy drinker. I love my husband, and my children absolutely adore him, but this is not a good environment for me anymore. My DH brings me down and I can’t take the fall with him anymore. My children deserve a happy stable household.

My parents want me to separate from him and live with them (temporary). They can provide financial support for me while I try to build a career for myself.
This idea, while not ideal for myself would probably be in my best interest.

Has anybody been in my shoes before? What did you do? What advice do you have for me?

Maybe he needs to be a SAHD and you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the number of people who are advocating for what would essentially be parental kidnapping here. OP cannot unilaterally take her children across the country. It's not just wrong morally, it could result in her losing custody of the kids in a custody dispute.

OP needs to get a job and her parents should support her remotely in that. Or they should move to where she is. When OPs kids figure out that OPs parents tried to cut their father out of their lives, it is going to do a number on them.

You really shouldn't speak if you have no idea what you are talking about. Moving with your kids with your husband's knowledge is not parental abduction. Get a grip.

knowledge does not equal consent.

It's a moot point now b/c she said she's staying, but under VA and many state's laws, a custodial parent taking the children is not abduction. The parents are still married and there's no court orders in place. Again, you might want to hold back with the ignorance.

Wrong.

Here's more... https://hoflaw.com/virginia-custody-laws-can-i-move-with-my-child/