Please help- my DH lost his job again and I’m thinking of leaving him

[Anonymous]

My DH has some issues. One of which is chronic job loss, followed by long periods of unemployment. He recently was terminated from another job after 1 year. This is the fifth job he has lost. We have a 14 month old and an almost 3 year old. I am not working. But I am tired of the constant instability. I believe the problem is him and not the jobs. I believe he has ADHD. He also is a pretty heavy drinker. I love my husband, and my children absolutely adore him, but this is not a good environment for me anymore. My DH brings me down and I can’t take the fall with him anymore. My children deserve a happy stable household.

My parents want me to separate from him and live with them (temporary). They can provide financial support for me while I try to build a career for myself.
This idea, while not ideal for myself would probably be in my best interest.

Has anybody been in my shoes before? What did you do? What advice do you have for me?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you need a job/career.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any education or training or experience?

[Anonymous]

I would leave with the free housing and financial support. I left with some cushion, but I had to rebuild my career. It wasn't easy and providing stability like this also isn't easy, because my husband was abusive and is using the divorce to retaliate against me for leaving.

[Anonymous]

My husband also has ADHD and has brought instability to our lives for many years (including one period of unemployment). I really wish I had left him earlie as it only gets harder when your kids get older and become more aware of what’s going on. Your parents seem to have your best interest in mind.

[Anonymous]

You need to do what’s best for you and the kids long term. Out of curiosity, have you talked to your husband point blank about this problem, what he’s doing to fix it, getting therapy to treat whatever the issue is etc? Does he realize this is going to cost him his family? If you decide to divorce, realize you could end up paying alimony if you make more money so I’d divorce sooner than later to avoid that if you think that’s the direction you’re heading in. Also with his history of instability, why did you have not one but two kids with him?? Any why haven’t you been working and building a career all along, knowing his inability to keep a job? Seems like you bear some of the blame for the situation.

[Anonymous]

Financial instability can certainly wreck a marriage, but I'm not sure the person who doesn't work at all has the right to look down on the person who keeps getting jobs but then losing them. Why not get a career now, and let him stay home with the kids? If you love him and the kids love him and you're going to end up getting a job anyway, why blow up the marriage as well?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't sound like good father material. Yes, listen to your parents and get a job to support the children you voluntarily brought into the world. They absolutely deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Leaving your DH will not solve anything for you. Getting a job/finding a career/contributing to the household monetarily will move the meter. Start there.

My mother was in the same boat - Dad never had any vices but was a shitty business person despite being incredibly smart. Had a lot of bad luck, went years without bringing in much money. Mom was fed up, had enough, and found a job/got educated. It did take a toll on the marriage, though...won't lie.

[Anonymous]

You should not be a SAHM with a husband as unreliable as this. Your children need a stable income! Also, you can't think of divorcing if neither of you has a job.

[Anonymous]

Leave before you get a job. You dont want to end up paying alimony if he never does do anything to stabilize his career.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial instability can certainly wreck a marriage, but I'm not sure the person who doesn't work at all has the right to look down on the person who keeps getting jobs but then losing them. Why not get a career now, and let him stay home with the kids? If you love him and the kids love him and you're going to end up getting a job anyway, why blow up the marriage as well?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave before you get a job. You don't want to end up paying alimony if he never does do anything to stabilize his career.

This. Also since your parents are helping you, get full custody. Get a divorce lawyer who can help you. This will be money well spent/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial instability can certainly wreck a marriage, but I'm not sure the person who doesn't work at all has the right to look down on the person who keeps getting jobs but then losing them. Why not get a career now, and let him stay home with the kids? If you love him and the kids love him and you're going to end up getting a job anyway, why blow up the marriage as well?

This.

+1

Heavy drinking impacts job performance. Get him in rehab.