Argument about my fiance's 12 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are nuts. It’s time for her to learn coping skills, yes, but the reactions are over the top. We don’t know that the mom forbids the child from sleeping in her own room. I doubt that it’s a mandate. What’s likely is the child doesn’t like sleeping alone and the parents feel guilty and allow it. The fiancé says he’s willing to work in it now. OP was immature to come post online about it minutes later.

Op was venting. Venting is allowed even by soon to be second wives. Unlike most of the nonsense posted here this is a big issue and op should feel strongly about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are nuts. It’s time for her to learn coping skills, yes, but the reactions are over the top. We don’t know that the mom forbids the child from sleeping in her own room. I doubt that it’s a mandate. What’s likely is the child doesn’t like sleeping alone and the parents feel guilty and allow it. The fiancé says he’s willing to work in it now. OP was immature to come post online about it minutes later.

As has been pointed out by multiple posters the fiancé solution is a bad one. He’s basically scapegoating op to avoid stepping up as a dad. As a result creating strain in the relationship with op and his daughter. He should have worked on the bed thing years ago and definitely the minute he started to see a permanent future with op.

This isn’t the girls fault.

This isn’t op”s fault and she’d not jealous, evil or selfish for not wanting to share a bed with anyone but her husband.

This is 100% on the fiancé. If OP has any sense she will get out.

[Anonymous]

So OP is the fiancé. Do you have a ring and are engaged and planning a wedding?

Unless you really are going to become the stepmom, it really is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Not alright. Most states have laws on that

Citation, please, or it's just another alt-fact.

[Anonymous]

You people are so weird! DH slept with my 3 year old DD until a couple of months ago when we finally managed to switch her to her older sister’s room. He also gives my girls a bath, washes them when they go #2 and changes my little one’s night diaper. My dad slept with my sleep walking brother until he started living with his current wife at 26. All of this weird? Weird are the people that see inappropriate behaviors in this. You are the people that are sick or have these disgusting thoughts.
That said, I am not sure I would want to share my bad every night with my DH’s teen DD...

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you're ready to be a stepmom, and I don't think you demonstrate any of the capacity to demonstrate empathetic, understanding, selfless and sensitive qualities that a good stepparent should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are so weird! DH slept with my 3 year old DD until a couple of months ago when we finally managed to switch her to her older sister’s room. He also gives my girls a bath, washes them when they go #2 and changes my little one’s night diaper. My dad slept with my sleep walking brother until he started living with his current wife at 26. All of this weird? Weird are the people that see inappropriate behaviors in this. You are the people that are sick or have these disgusting thoughts.
That said, I am not sure I would want to share my bad every night with my DH’s teen DD...

They don't see inappropriate behavior, just inappropriate boundaries. Mostly emotional ones. The daughter is not 3, she is 12. If you don't think it's weird, why did you switch yours to her sister's room?

It's encouraging that the fiance is committed to changing it. The OP was reacting in the moment because it is not usual for American children of that age to sleep with their parents. It's reasonable to be taken aback, especially if it's the opposite sex parent.

[Anonymous]

You are jealous of a child. This is none of your business. He will choose her. You arent even married yet and he's showing you this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't think you're ready to be a stepmom, and I don't think you demonstrate any of the capacity to demonstrate empathetic, understanding, selfless and sensitive qualities that a good stepparent should.

Get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are jealous of a child. This is none of your business. He will choose her. You arent even married yet and he's showing you this.

please get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Just break up with him. This is not going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are so weird! DH slept with my 3 year old DD until a couple of months ago when we finally managed to switch her to her older sister’s room. He also gives my girls a bath, washes them when they go #2 and changes my little one’s night diaper. My dad slept with my sleep walking brother until he started living with his current wife at 26. All of this weird? Weird are the people that see inappropriate behaviors in this. You are the people that are sick or have these disgusting thoughts.
That said, I am not sure I would want to share my bad every night with my DH’s teen DD...

Your dad and brother slept together until your brother was 26?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are so weird! DH slept with my 3 year old DD until a couple of months ago when we finally managed to switch her to her older sister’s room. He also gives my girls a bath, washes them when they go #2 and changes my little one’s night diaper. My dad slept with my sleep walking brother until he started living with his current wife at 26. All of this weird? Weird are the people that see inappropriate behaviors in this. You are the people that are sick or have these disgusting thoughts.
That said, I am not sure I would want to share my bad every night with my DH’s teen DD...

They don't see inappropriate behavior, just inappropriate boundaries. Mostly emotional ones. The daughter is not 3, she is 12. If you don't think it's weird, why did you switch yours to her sister's room?

It's encouraging that the fiance is committed to changing it. The OP was reacting in the moment because it is not usual for American children of that age to sleep with their parents. It's reasonable to be taken aback, especially if it's the opposite sex parent.

If that’s true? Then why were people’s le asking what both wore to bed? I wanted my Husband back because I am pregnant and we will need to take care of an infant soon and it would too much with the 3 year old as well. Maybe someone saw the inconvenience (which I totally agree with), but others saw inappropriateness. Why would it matter what they are wearing to bed otherwise? Weird and sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are so weird! DH slept with my 3 year old DD until a couple of months ago when we finally managed to switch her to her older sister’s room. He also gives my girls a bath, washes them when they go #2 and changes my little one’s night diaper. My dad slept with my sleep walking brother until he started living with his current wife at 26. All of this weird? Weird are the people that see inappropriate behaviors in this. You are the people that are sick or have these disgusting thoughts.
That said, I am not sure I would want to share my bad every night with my DH’s teen DD...

Your dad and brother slept together until your brother was 26?

Yes, or until he started living with his gf (I think around 26). My dad found him climbing out of a window one night (while sleeping)and decided he could not sleep alone anymore... it was really scary and I think he was probably 15 when this happened

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are so weird! DH slept with my 3 year old DD until a couple of months ago when we finally managed to switch her to her older sister’s room. He also gives my girls a bath, washes them when they go #2 and changes my little one’s night diaper. My dad slept with my sleep walking brother until he started living with his current wife at 26. All of this weird? Weird are the people that see inappropriate behaviors in this. You are the people that are sick or have these disgusting thoughts.
That said, I am not sure I would want to share my bad every night with my DH’s teen DD...

Your dad and brother slept together until your brother was 26?

Yes, or until he started living with his gf (I think around 26). My dad found him climbing out of a window one night (while sleeping)and decided he could not sleep alone anymore... it was really scary and I think he was probably 15 when this happened

None of these things are applicable to OP's situation. A father changing his baby's diaper or bathing his young daughter is normal. The sleep walking brother has a medical issue. He needs someone to sleep with him to prevent danger to himself.

Otoh, a 12 year old sleeping in the same bed with her parents on a regular basis is not developmentally normal.