Argument about my fiance's 12 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your position, and what is his? What are the arguments?

At first thought, my reaction is inappropriate. But you have the bare minimum of context here, which would help in objective responses to your question.

His position is that he shouldn't have to follow societal norms and that she's scared to be alone.

My position is that he is a grown ass man and his daughter has her own room and bed to sleep in and that's shes not a baby anymore but a preteen. That he's doing a disservice to her with all this codependent shit they do.

Why did you say yes to marry him if you are this irate? Don't marry him, don't even date him. You are not a match.

[Anonymous]

What is his plan for after you guys get married?

I would approach it from that standpoint. Does he want all three of you to sleep together when she’s at your house? Does he want you in the guest room? What is his plan?

Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your position, and what is his? What are the arguments?

At first thought, my reaction is inappropriate. But you have the bare minimum of context here, which would help in objective responses to your question.

His position is that he shouldn't have to follow societal norms and that she's scared to be alone.

My position is that he is a grown ass man and his daughter has her own room and bed to sleep in and that's shes not a baby anymore but a preteen. That he's doing a disservice to her with all this codependent shit they do.

Why did you say yes to marry him if you are this irate? Don't marry him, don't even date him. You are not a match.

I did not know this was going on at his house until about 20 minutes ago. I literally had to take a breather from that conversation to post here on dcum bc I needed to calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What is his plan for after you guys get married?

I would approach it from that standpoint. Does he want all three of you to sleep together when she’s at your house? Does he want you in the guest room? What is his plan?

Just curious.

He says that once we are married she will not sleep in the same bed as us and he will set better boundaries. He also said that he's willing to start tapering it back now in preparation for us to move in together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your position, and what is his? What are the arguments?

At first thought, my reaction is inappropriate. But you have the bare minimum of context here, which would help in objective responses to your question.

His position is that he shouldn't have to follow societal norms and that she's scared to be alone.

My position is that he is a grown ass man and his daughter has her own room and bed to sleep in and that's shes not a baby anymore but a preteen. That he's doing a disservice to her with all this codependent shit they do.

I would take a step back from your relationship with him. Whether he’s right or you’re right, this is the reality of their relationship, and going into a marriage with him with this huge of a chasm between his views and your views on how it is will be a recipe for disaster.

This. Also, how do you get along with the DD?

[Anonymous]

Not appropriate at all.

[Anonymous]

It’s not up to you to solve this problem and your anger is inappropriate too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What is his plan for after you guys get married?

I would approach it from that standpoint. Does he want all three of you to sleep together when she’s at your house? Does he want you in the guest room? What is his plan?

Just curious.

He says that once we are married she will not sleep in the same bed as us and he will set better boundaries. He also said that he's willing to start tapering it back now in preparation for us to move in together.

So she can be mad at you for changing things?

I think You're playing with fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your position, and what is his? What are the arguments?

At first thought, my reaction is inappropriate. But you have the bare minimum of context here, which would help in objective responses to your question.

His position is that he shouldn't have to follow societal norms and that she's scared to be alone.

My position is that he is a grown ass man and his daughter has her own room and bed to sleep in and that's shes not a baby anymore but a preteen. That he's doing a disservice to her with all this codependent shit they do.

Why did you say yes to marry him if you are this irate? Don't marry him, don't even date him. You are not a match.

I did not know this was going on at his house until about 20 minutes ago. I literally had to take a breather from that conversation to post here on dcum bc I needed to calm down.

OP, the real issue here is your inability to discuss this with him without freaking out. Yes, you are over reacting. America, where guns in the home and eating yourself to death = normal but a parent and child sharing a bed = deviant.

Personally, I think every person should learn to sleep alone without fear. It’s just an adaptive skill to have. But lashing out at your partner in anger over this is weird and unproductive. You guys should consider counseling before you get married.

[Anonymous]

The dynamics of being a step-parent are not easy...checkout StepTalk.org forum for those who have BTDT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your position, and what is his? What are the arguments?

At first thought, my reaction is inappropriate. But you have the bare minimum of context here, which would help in objective responses to your question.

His position is that he shouldn't have to follow societal norms and that she's scared to be alone.

My position is that he is a grown ass man and his daughter has her own room and bed to sleep in and that's shes not a baby anymore but a preteen. That he's doing a disservice to her with all this codependent shit they do.

You are overreacting. She is still a kid. Her parents screwed up her life. She's sacred. He sounds like a good dad.

[Anonymous]

This is how she is raised, clearly. I will say that nothing is wrong with this, my DD at that age would occasionally come to our bed if she was sick or something bothered her. However, the fact that she sleeps with her mom all the time is weird. And all the time at dad's? Also not the same as once in a while. These parents are at fault for this. Mom is probably using DD as emotional support, which is draining on the 11 year old kid! And with that it probably has a dynamic of insecurity transferred from mom's place to dad's. In other words, these people are completely messing up their child. I would not be worried about any perverted issue(If that is what worries you OP, you are wrong and says more about you), but I feel bad for this child who is clearly not allowed to sleep in her own room, due to parents' craziness!

[Anonymous]

You are way over the line. Every man is not a pedophile. I don’t think it’s good for a child not to be able to sleep alone, but it’s not perverted or deviant. You clearly don’t like the kid and see her as an imposition on your relationship. I have no idea why you needed to take a “breather” and come running to DCUM.

Now, if you found them doing something g sexual, then get off DCUM and call the cops. Other than that, you need to find yourself a man without kids.

[Anonymous]

I posted previous longer post. Just saw all this about OP freaking out. Why are you freaking out? 11 year old is not that grown up!

[Anonymous]

When DH travels, my 11 yo son sleeps with me. No big deal, he’s been doing it since he was a baby. I think it’s a big deal that you made a big deal out of it.