Argument about my fiance's 12 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My XH did this until DD turned 11. I called him out on it and he stopped. Where is the mom in all this?

The mom does not let the daughter sleep in her own bed. At mom's house the daughter sleeps in moms bed and they are inseparable. They lay in bed together for most of the day.

Unhealthy dynamic with both parents then.

OP, if you can’t save the DD, you at least need to save yourself. These people will be in Dr. Phil soon and you will look equally sick. Don’t be an enabler by sticking around. When you leave, call CPS or the school guidance counselor to report your concerns about both parents.

But the kids will adjust just fiiine if you divorce! They are resilient!

Because this one child is clearly representative of all children of divorce & no kids from intact families have unhealthy dynamics with their parents

[Anonymous]

Sleeping with a child until age 26 is also bizarre. There are pressure alarms that sound when someone gets out of bed so it's completely unnecessary. It's mystifying how damaged people are to simply accept this stuff as normal. But then nowadays men are deemed heroes for wearing a dress and heels and amputating the twig and berries so what do I know. A grown adult sleeping with a 12 year old is unquestionably doing it for his own sexual gratification. That there would be any doubt about this is simply the depth of the sickness and denial.

[Anonymous]

A lot more families cosleep in America than many of you realize and well into the school age years. It’s just something that isn’t widely discussed. We all internalize what about our families did as normal instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with a child until age 26 is also bizarre. There are pressure alarms that sound when someone gets out of bed so it's completely unnecessary. It's mystifying how damaged people are to simply accept this stuff as normal. But then nowadays men are deemed heroes for wearing a dress and heels and amputating the twig and berries so what do I know. A grown adult sleeping with a 12 year old is unquestionably doing it for his own sexual gratification. That there would be any doubt about this is simply the depth of the sickness and denial.

Judgi g from your transphobic statements, you don’t know a lot.

I do agree that cosleeping into adolescence is an unhealthy dynamic for a US family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot more families cosleep in America than many of you realize and well into the school age years. It’s just something that isn’t widely discussed. We all internalize what about our families did as normal instead.

Ages 5-7, sure there’s a lot of cosleeping still occurring.

But age 12 with divorced parents is not the norm among even cosleeping families. There is an unhealthy situation with both mom and dad. OP is enabling it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot more families cosleep in America than many of you realize and well into the school age years. It’s just something that isn’t widely discussed. We all internalize what about our families did as normal instead.

My Mom talks about how she slept in her parent's bed until she was high school aged. She jokes that it's why they didn't have more kids after her.

I still sleep with my 11 year old about once a week. He loves it now, but I'm betting he will grow out of it. I have never thought anything of it until this post...

I really just think it makes kids feel cozy and safe, and that's why they like it.

[Anonymous]

The hysteria on dcum never fails to entertain. Do all of you freak out this easily in real life? How do you survive?

OP - calm the hell down. Your fiancé is coddling his child and has presented a game plan for dealing with said coddling. Talk to him about it like an adult and check in frequently to see how the transition is going. No need to call off the engagement and call CPS like the irrational people here would have you believe.

[Anonymous]

Ask the DD’s school what to do. If it’s so normal, they will have some fun and easy tips, right?

[Anonymous]

My DH insisted on sharing a tent with step-DD during a recent camping trip (15yo) and me sleeping with my SIL in another tent. I was really shocked.....we ended up changing to DH/me and SIL/step-DD. My DH was completely clueless on this one and his rationale was that he always shared a tent with step-DD when he was single. I am okay with parents sharing bed with kids on short overnight stays at a hotel though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeping with a child until age 26 is also bizarre. There are pressure alarms that sound when someone gets out of bed so it's completely unnecessary. It's mystifying how damaged people are to simply accept this stuff as normal. But then nowadays men are deemed heroes for wearing a dress and heels and amputating the twig and berries so what do I know. A grown adult sleeping with a 12 year old is unquestionably doing it for his own sexual gratification. That there would be any doubt about this is simply the depth of the sickness and denial.

I can’t believe there are people as sick as you that see sexual gratification of the parents when sleeping with their children. I hope you never had kids and never will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot more families cosleep in America than many of you realize and well into the school age years. It’s just something that isn’t widely discussed. We all internalize what about our families did as normal instead.

My Mom talks about how she slept in her parent's bed until she was high school aged. She jokes that it's why they didn't have more kids after her.

I still sleep with my 11 year old about once a week. He loves it now, but I'm betting he will grow out of it. I have never thought anything of it until this post...

I really just think it makes kids feel cozy and safe, and that's why they like it.

At 11 he should be popping morning wood. How would you handle that. No wonder he loves it.

[Anonymous]

Any update, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My XH did this until DD turned 11. I called him out on it and he stopped. Where is the mom in all this?

The mom does not let the daughter sleep in her own bed. At mom's house the daughter sleeps in moms bed and they are inseparable. They lay in bed together for most of the day.

Unhealthy dynamic with both parents then.

OP, if you can’t save the DD, you at least need to save yourself. These people will be in Dr. Phil soon and you will look equally sick. Don’t be an enabler by sticking around. When you leave, call CPS or the school guidance counselor to report your concerns about both parents.

You are recommending that she calls CPS? Americans are crazy. They are both fully clothed and she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping alone. My kids (9, 11 and 13) sometimes take turns giving up their rooms and sleeping in my room if we have guests. A parent and a child can sleep in the same bed with zero sexual issues. I never even considered that anyone would think that. Maybe it's a cultural thing because I wasn't born here, but your suggestion to call CPS is insane. Any of my kids are welcome to sleep in my bed whenever. If I say no, it's because I want my space, not because I think it's inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH insisted on sharing a tent with step-DD during a recent camping trip (15yo) and me sleeping with my SIL in another tent. I was really shocked.....we ended up changing to DH/me and SIL/step-DD. My DH was completely clueless on this one and his rationale was that he always shared a tent with step-DD when he was single. I am okay with parents sharing bed with kids on short overnight stays at a hotel though.

Why was he clueless?

[Anonymous]

No wonder therapists are making bank.