Argument about my fiance's 12 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your reaction is completely appropriate, and the cosleeping at this age is weird. Mark my words, this is the tip of the iceberg. Give yourself an early Christmas present and RUN.

I agree.

This will not end; it will only get worse. Even if Daddy Fiance' kicks the daughter out of his bed, the tension stemming from this new dynamic will wreak havoc on the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s strange he didn’t tell you much sooner in your relationship. How long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My XH did this until DD turned 11. I called him out on it and he stopped. Where is the mom in all this?

The mom does not let the daughter sleep in her own bed. At mom's house the daughter sleeps in moms bed and they are inseparable. They lay in bed together for most of the day.

Unhealthy dynamic with both parents then.

OP, if you can’t save the DD, you at least need to save yourself. These people will be in Dr. Phil soon and you will look equally sick. Don’t be an enabler by sticking around. When you leave, call CPS or the school guidance counselor to report your concerns about both parents.

But the kids will adjust just fiiine if you divorce! They are resilient!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who did this with his 12 year old. While. Or I g sexual was going on, it’s still not culturally appropriate here in the US. I have even heard a teacher tell me that if she heard that from a student she would report it to the school
Social worker to see if more intervention is needed. OP this is a girl I. Lu edgy. She needs privacy and clear agency to determine boundaries between her body and other men including family members.

So how would you feel about her sleeping with her mother not “other men”?

a daughter sleeping with her mom regularly at that age isn't normal either, and shows some weird dependency issues (just as much from the mom as kid) but its not as inappropriate as the daughter sharing a bed with her father.

[Anonymous]

She’ll love being kicked out of that bed for you...and she’ll eventually end up realizing that he was treating her as a mini-spouse. Ick.

Why do you want to marry this guy?

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is jealous or overreacting. what is inappropriate is not necessarily anything "sexual" but rather that at 12, children should be developing independently. cosleeping with each parent every night suggests an unhealthy parent/child dynamic, one in which the divorced parents have focused their intimacy on their only child and now allowed or encouraged her to develop independence. This is not healthy for anyone. It also does not bode well for a new person entering the family and doesn't bode well for the daughter's emotional growth and maturity.

OP, if this is the case, there are other signs and signals. Lying around all day in bed with your mom at age 12 is definitely one, as is cosleeping nightly with your parents. But the issue is not the girl, its the parents.

[Anonymous]

This is not normal! I’m sorry but I can clearly remember being 12 years old— I wasn’t a little girl, I was an adolescent with all of the budding hormones and thoughts that entails. Sleeping with my father at that age?????? Just no. This guy needs to learn boundaries and needs to stop treating his daughter like a 5-year-old!

[Anonymous]

If you actually do marry this guy you are going to be very sorry eventually.

Please promise to come back later and update us on how the marriage went.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a clear case of.child abuse. I think you have to report to CPS.

[Anonymous]

She isn't your daughter, and she never will be.

[Anonymous]

Everybody involved in this is weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My XH did this until DD turned 11. I called him out on it and he stopped. Where is the mom in all this?

The mom does not let the daughter sleep in her own bed. At mom's house the daughter sleeps in moms bed and they are inseparable. They lay in bed together for most of the day.

Unhealthy dynamic with both parents then.

OP, if you can’t save the DD, you at least need to save yourself. These people will be in Dr. Phil soon and you will look equally sick. Don’t be an enabler by sticking around. When you leave, call CPS or the school guidance counselor to report your concerns about both parents.

But the kids will adjust just fiiine if you divorce! They are resilient!

This isn’t a divorce issue. This is toxic parenting.

[Anonymous]

Not alright. Most states have laws on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She isn't your daughter, and she never will be.

Get therapy

[Anonymous]

You all are nuts. It’s time for her to learn coping skills, yes, but the reactions are over the top. We don’t know that the mom forbids the child from sleeping in her own room. I doubt that it’s a mandate. What’s likely is the child doesn’t like sleeping alone and the parents feel guilty and allow it. The fiancé says he’s willing to work in it now. OP was immature to come post online about it minutes later.