Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You feel trapped being with your wife. So what I wonder is, what does being married prevent you from doing that you'd like to do? In what ways does your wife hold you back?

She doesn't do anything to hold me back. The issues I have are self-imposed. I feel a lot of guilt all the time for being quite selfish and not fully engaging with my family enough, but perhaps I do the same or more than most people?

Otherwise really it's just the greener grass thing. There could be someone more engaging, prettier, funnier, smarter, taller, which I know makes me sound like a jerk.

Everybody thinks they could find somebody better. I kid myself all the time that Chris Hemsworth would actually be interested in me. In reality, I’m just another aging, slightly overweight mom who wants to pretend she is still hot. Reality is that you probably can’t do better than your spouse. Nobody is that interested in middle aged people with baggage.

Get yourself in therapy.

this really is true. even the middle aged people with baggage want something else. would you want sex with yourself???? take a hard look in the mirror before you start thinking the grass is greener. I left an alcoholic, i could not live, but finding another person to love in middle age is really really hard.

[Anonymous]

You sound insufferable. I wonder what your wife fantasizes about? Probably free time and a real partner.

[Anonymous]

Turn to Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are very focused on you. Start thinking about how you can make other people happier, and I bet you start to feel better. Start with your wife and kids.

This.

It’s not just all about you anymore. How much time do you spend on making your wife happier? Connecting with your kids? The grass is not greener on the other side — it’s greener where you water it. I remember an old Dr. Phil show where he said that early in his marriage, he decided that in a crowded room of couples, he wanted his wife to feel that she got the very best husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One person cant meet all your needs. If you want to discuss politics and the economy, there are Meetup groups for that.

I discuss politics and the economy at work with my colleagues. We tend to have the same educational level (lawyers) and interests given our shared careers.

Do you have friends at work? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you don't.

[Anonymous]

You need purpose. You are blaming your marriage, but the problem is you. You need to invest in the family and in things that matter to you--not video games.

Also, daily life gets easier as the kids get older. This problem may get better naturally in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Not to pile on more, but I'm going to -- regarding the conversation issue (although three kids under 7 is enough to make any deep conversation impossible for a while). Do you actually let your wife finish a sentence or a thought without interrupting her and giving her your 'deep thoughts' on the issue?

My husband and I USED to have interesting conversations. Now I can barely get a thought out before he starts talking over me and either thinking he's saying what I was going to say (he's not, he usually gets it wrong), or talking about himself and his problems. And if I call him out on it, he pouts about it.

As a result, he thinks we don't talk anymore and is frustrated I don't share anything anymore with him.

[Anonymous]

Except for the kids, everything you are saying is EXACTLY what my STBXH told me. Some things are word for word. It's freaking me out a little.

The only thing I'm thankful for is it seems like I made the right choice to get out and not having children with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you choose to have 3 kids, your happiness (and navel gazing) needs to take a backseat to their stability and well being.

This, OP, a thousand times.

You don't have the luxury of being "unhappy" in this situation. You made your bed when you made these kids. Now lie in it, and thank your lucky stars that you have the blessings of a great wife and the good communication that you say that you do.

+1 You no longer have the luxury of having one foot out the door. You have theeekids. It’s just not an option.

[Anonymous]

After reading all this OP, it seems like you just want to leave your wife (no matter how great) and your kids, and you seem to be looking for validation, which a few posters did give you. You know that the grass will not be greener with another family, but it seems as if your core issue is you do not want to be monogamous to your wife (or any other woman).

Sit down and talk to her. See if she is in for an open marriage- just remember, while you are out doing your thang, she will be out too. Or sit down, with a financial planner and realistically see what you can afford to pay to support her and your kids.

I knew a man like you, that always felt anxiety/depression, & even abused substances. Drove his wife and kids crazy. She felt he was constantly looking at other women or cheating. To save her marriage, she did everything & anything for him, including group sex and other things. In his case, the reason he couldn't be faithful to her or any woman, was because it turns out he was gay. He didn't want to face reality because of his religion and his parents. After his parents died, he left his wife and kids and openly dated men. This was extremely unfair to his wife who spent many years thinking, "if only I were better, prettier, smarter, etc... and did things she was uncomfortable with, to "please" him. In reality, her biggest "problem" was that she didn't have man parts. She absolutely hates him, not for being gay but for torturing her instead of being honest, If this is your case, you need to be honest with yourself and her. Then come up with some equitable solutions for your kids (and wife).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have no clue what you want. In one post you say it’s an issue that she doesn’t really get into deep conversations with you (very likely because she’s exhausted from taking care of three kids while indulging every need and want of yours at the expense of her own), and then in another you say that you’d probably be happier living alone. So which is it, do you want companionship and conversation or do you want to be by yourself?

Based on how you’ve described your life, you sound incredibly indulged and pampered, and it sounds like you give nothing back to her. I don’t even know what advice to give you, because I can’t help but feel for your wife. She probably doesn’t want a divorce (or she wouldn’t contort herself so much to try to make you happy), but I feel like she’d probably be getting the better end of things if you did.

+1 You are very self-absorbed and narcissistic, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll. This is a woman swapping sexes to conceal her story. No man would write something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except for the kids, everything you are saying is EXACTLY what my STBXH told me. Some things are word for word. It's freaking me out a little.

The only thing I'm thankful for is it seems like I made the right choice to get out and not having children with him.

I'm glad you got away from such a self-absorbed adolescent disguised as a man. And with no kids!! I'm sorry the Ops wife wasn't so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You feel trapped being with your wife. So what I wonder is, what does being married prevent you from doing that you'd like to do? In what ways does your wife hold you back?

She doesn't do anything to hold me back. The issues I have are self-imposed. I feel a lot of guilt all the time for being quite selfish and not fully engaging with my family enough, but perhaps I do the same or more than most people?

Otherwise really it's just the greener grass thing. There could be someone more engaging, prettier, funnier, smarter, taller, which I know makes me sound like a jerk.

So wait...is it (like you said earlier) that you think you'd just want to be single forever, or is it this?

Seconding this!

[Anonymous]

OP, do you care about your kids at all? You have three young children and leaving your wife would drastically alter your relationship with them, yet you seem remarkably disinterested in this aspect of your situation. Assuming you’re not a troll, it makes me think the real issue isn’t depression but perhaps some kind of personality disorder.