Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

Here are some possibilities. Go see a doctor and talk about this.

1. You're able to "live" in your depression when they're gone -- you aren't really out of it (that's my suspicion). You can eat junk, watch tv, and navel gaze to your heart's content. Are you actually out doing all the exciting things you'd like to do if you left this marriage while they're gone?

2. Military spouse here -- I go through something similar when my husband returns. It's very, very common. You have a routine. It works for you. Now someone else is upsetting that routine ... But then you get into a new routine, etc..

3. EVERYONE with small children is happier when they aren't home, by and large. You miss them, and you enjoy them at times when they are around, but the relentless feed-clean-sleep-wake-drive of children doesn't leave room for much self-indulgence.

4. You have a hard time coping with noise and chaos in your living space.

5. You have a hard time with abrupt transitions in general.

6. You are depressed, which makes you tired and cranky, something you can deal with when you are on your own by doing what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. When you have to interact with other people on their schedules, it's difficult.

You seem really, really invested in this conversation here on DCUM -- who are you? Is any of this really true? Why don't you make some appointments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I had a great childhood and my parents are still together, however with my therapist I've realized that some of my Dad's behavior when I was growing up was shameful and disrespectful of my mom.

I feel like part of my childhood was a lie because my Dad was living two different lives. One where he was a father/husband, and one where he was a single party animal.

He was always very strong on values but then he was the complete opposite of his values when he was drinking/partying.

What was great about being raised by an alcoholic?

[Anonymous]

have you been evaluated for austism or aspergers? Its possible the house is just too much chaos for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

Here are some possibilities. Go see a doctor and talk about this.

1. You're able to "live" in your depression when they're gone -- you aren't really out of it (that's my suspicion). You can eat junk, watch tv, and navel gaze to your heart's content. Are you actually out doing all the exciting things you'd like to do if you left this marriage while they're gone?

2. Military spouse here -- I go through something similar when my husband returns. It's very, very common. You have a routine. It works for you. Now someone else is upsetting that routine ... But then you get into a new routine, etc..

3. EVERYONE with small children is happier when they aren't home, by and large. You miss them, and you enjoy them at times when they are around, but the relentless feed-clean-sleep-wake-drive of children doesn't leave room for much self-indulgence.

4. You have a hard time coping with noise and chaos in your living space.

5. You have a hard time with abrupt transitions in general.

6. You are depressed, which makes you tired and cranky, something you can deal with when you are on your own by doing what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. When you have to interact with other people on their schedules, it's difficult.

You seem really, really invested in this conversation here on DCUM -- who are you? Is any of this really true? Why don't you make some appointments?

NP here, but wanted to say that this is really thoughtful advice/insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

Here are some possibilities. Go see a doctor and talk about this.

1. You're able to "live" in your depression when they're gone -- you aren't really out of it (that's my suspicion). You can eat junk, watch tv, and navel gaze to your heart's content. Are you actually out doing all the exciting things you'd like to do if you left this marriage while they're gone?

2. Military spouse here -- I go through something similar when my husband returns. It's very, very common. You have a routine. It works for you. Now someone else is upsetting that routine ... But then you get into a new routine, etc..

3. EVERYONE with small children is happier when they aren't home, by and large. You miss them, and you enjoy them at times when they are around, but the relentless feed-clean-sleep-wake-drive of children doesn't leave room for much self-indulgence.

4. You have a hard time coping with noise and chaos in your living space.

5. You have a hard time with abrupt transitions in general.

6. You are depressed, which makes you tired and cranky, something you can deal with when you are on your own by doing what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. When you have to interact with other people on their schedules, it's difficult.

You seem really, really invested in this conversation here on DCUM -- who are you? Is any of this really true? Why don't you make some appointments?

Thank you, gives me some good perspectives.

Yes this is real. I’m a 40 year old male who lives outside the USA.

I’m invested because it’s so good to hear so many perspectives, and it’s free advice. Counsellors/therapists are expensive and I never feel like I make significant progress. I know it’s ultimately up to me to figure it out, but it’s nise to hear confirmation that this is an issue with me and not my wife or any of my past relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

Do You just watch porn all day?

I'm not anti porn but maybe it triggers too much wanderlust in you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

Do You just watch porn all day?

I'm not anti porn but maybe it triggers too much wanderlust in you, OP.

Lol no. Not *all* day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for recent comments. I’d be interested to hear your perspectives on why my depression comes about after having a few days on my own when my wife/kids are away. This is the reason why I said I think I’d be happier on my own because it’s exhausting going through this every time they come home.

Here are some possibilities. Go see a doctor and talk about this.

1. You're able to "live" in your depression when they're gone -- you aren't really out of it (that's my suspicion). You can eat junk, watch tv, and navel gaze to your heart's content. Are you actually out doing all the exciting things you'd like to do if you left this marriage while they're gone?

2. Military spouse here -- I go through something similar when my husband returns. It's very, very common. You have a routine. It works for you. Now someone else is upsetting that routine ... But then you get into a new routine, etc..

3. EVERYONE with small children is happier when they aren't home, by and large. You miss them, and you enjoy them at times when they are around, but the relentless feed-clean-sleep-wake-drive of children doesn't leave room for much self-indulgence.

4. You have a hard time coping with noise and chaos in your living space.

5. You have a hard time with abrupt transitions in general.

6. You are depressed, which makes you tired and cranky, something you can deal with when you are on your own by doing what you feel like doing when you feel like doing it. When you have to interact with other people on their schedules, it's difficult.

You seem really, really invested in this conversation here on DCUM -- who are you? Is any of this really true? Why don't you make some appointments?

Thank you, gives me some good perspectives.

Yes this is real. I’m a 40 year old male who lives outside the USA.

I’m invested because it’s so good to hear so many perspectives, and it’s free advice. Counsellors/therapists are expensive and I never feel like I make significant progress. I know it’s ultimately up to me to figure it out, but it’s nise to hear confirmation that this is an issue with me and not my wife or any of my past relationships.

FWIW, at this point I think you'd just be wasting money on therapy. You don't need to talk anymore about what would make you happy, or try to figure out what you really want, or try to figure out what made you this way. You need an MD Psychiatrist who believes depression is an organic brain disease and can help you fight it.

Yes, in reality, your depression is likely some mix of brain chemistry and your own history, but you can't even see reality right now. As someone said up thread, this is not "minor" depression. It might not even be depression; it might be something else. But you need a doc with a pill pad and patience to find something that works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, at this point I think you'd just be wasting money on therapy. You don't need to talk anymore about what would make you happy, or try to figure out what you really want, or try to figure out what made you this way. You need an MD Psychiatrist who believes depression is an organic brain disease and can help you fight it.

Yes, in reality, your depression is likely some mix of brain chemistry and your own history, but you can't even see reality right now. As someone said up thread, this is not "minor" depression. It might not even be depression; it might be something else. But you need a doc with a pill pad and patience to find something that works.

I saw a psychiatrist two weeks ago who increased by ADs from 50mg to 200mg per day. I'm still waiting for the increased dosage to take effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, at this point I think you'd just be wasting money on therapy. You don't need to talk anymore about what would make you happy, or try to figure out what you really want, or try to figure out what made you this way. You need an MD Psychiatrist who believes depression is an organic brain disease and can help you fight it.

Yes, in reality, your depression is likely some mix of brain chemistry and your own history, but you can't even see reality right now. As someone said up thread, this is not "minor" depression. It might not even be depression; it might be something else. But you need a doc with a pill pad and patience to find something that works.

I saw a psychiatrist two weeks ago who increased by ADs from 50mg to 200mg per day. I'm still waiting for the increased dosage to take effect.

If it doesn't, don't wait 3 months before you see him again to try something else.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever been to an Al-anon meeting?

[Anonymous]

You have three children. You don't have the luxury of wondering if you should move overseas for two years. You sound very selfish and self-involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been to an Al-anon meeting?

You mean because of my dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have three children. You don't have the luxury of wondering if you should move overseas for two years. You sound very selfish and self-involved.

Not by myself! With my family.