Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been to an Al-anon meeting?

You mean because of my dad?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Do you need more alone time to recharge in your daily life? I'm an introvert who finds all human interactions draining including dh and kids. I work out 5x a week, take one weeknight off, and one weekend morning off. Having built in breaks during the week makes it easier for me to be fully engaged and to really enjoy family time.

Incorporate the things that you enjoy/find necessary for your mental health into your daily life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you need more alone time to recharge in your daily life? I'm an introvert who finds all human interactions draining including dh and kids. I work out 5x a week, take one weeknight off, and one weekend morning off. Having built in breaks during the week makes it easier for me to be fully engaged and to really enjoy family time.

Incorporate the things that you enjoy/find necessary for your mental health into your daily life.

I go to the gym most days, and on weekends I go for 1-hour walks, so I've got that covered, but my interests are mostly things I do on my own, so I really do need to try and get some more social contact, like a social sport.

I'm also introverted and find small talk exhausting. I get anxiety about social occasions where I won't know other people, and this does stop me from getting involved in some sort of social club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been to an Al-anon meeting?

You mean because of my dad?

Yes.

I have the urge to slap the OP again....hes as dense as my grandma's fruitcake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No criticism from me.

You sound very honest, self aware, reflective, and oddly caring despite your selfishness. It’s refreshing. I think more people than you think feel like this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been to an Al-anon meeting?

You mean because of my dad?

Yes.

I have the urge to slap the OP again....hes as dense as my grandma's fruitcake.

Sorry, OP. I've been harsh on you. You are trying to get better and I have to give you credit for that. I sorta suspect you have a Neuro difference or something that makes you have trouble relating.

If you were my friend IRL I would really try to convince you not to throw away a good marriage for a pipedream. Sure Chris Hemsworth is hot...but I have years of understanding and love built up in my marriage. So I had to turn Thor down.

[Anonymous]

Grow up!!!! You are not a man, you are a boy. Get it together and stop with the navel gazing. And I bet your wife doesn’t show it, but she is slowly growing to despise you because you are so self absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Al-Anon. Have you been or not? If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Get checked for bipolar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Al-Anon. Have you been or not? If not, why not?

I have not, because my understanding has always been that it’s for alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow up!!!! You are not a man, you are a boy. Get it together and stop with the navel gazing. And I bet your wife doesn’t show it, but she is slowly growing to despise you because you are so self absorbed.

Saying “grow up” is kinda like saying “snap out of it.” Depression isn’t that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, OP. I've been harsh on you. You are trying to get better and I have to give you credit for that. I sorta suspect you have a Neuro difference or something that makes you have trouble relating.

If you were my friend IRL I would really try to convince you not to throw away a good marriage for a pipedream. Sure Chris Hemsworth is hot...but I have years of understanding and love built up in my marriage. So I had to turn Thor down.

I do realize the issue is with me. It’s just hard sometimes, when in the depths of despair, to remember that. I have to keep telling myself the depression will follow me no matter where I go, and leaving my wife will not resolve it.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like my ex-husband. He was always full of discontent and his discontent was always my fault. I will say at least you appear to be clear that the issues are yours and not hers. It is positively maddening to constantly be blamed as being the source of a persons unhappiness.

In an effort to show my ex that it wasn't me who was causing his unhappiness I left. And guess what? He was still unhappy. Had numerous girlfriends following the divorce and not a single relationship gave him what he was looking for.

He sadly died of a heart condition a few years back at the age of only 44. By my accounts he wasted a lot of his life being miserable and blaming others for it. I am very sad that he died, but I am equally glad that I left. Some people simply can't be saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Al-Anon. Have you been or not? If not, why not?

I have not, because my understanding has always been that it’s for alcoholics.

AA is for alcoholics.

Al-Anon is for the family members of alcoholics. It’s a family disease. You have it. Go to Al-Anon.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Al-Anon. Have you been or not? If not, why not?

I have not, because my understanding has always been that it’s for alcoholics.

Al-Anon is not for alcoholics. It is for the family members or loved ones of alcoholics. Alcholics Anonymous or AA is for the alcoholic him/herself. Al-Anon is an AA program run on similar principles but focused on teaching those who live with alcoholics in their lives, what alcoholism is, now it affects the family system and how family members can deal with the way in which someone else's alcoholism is impacting them (i.e. how the alcoholic impacts the non-alcholics).

If you grew up with an alcoholic father, and you watched him part (i.e. cheat?) on your mom, then you are carrying a lot of unconscious baggage that I hope you are exploring with a good therapist. Parents are our first and longest models that show us how to love and parent. If we have dysfunctional parents, we tend to carry those same patterns forward in our own life without even realizing it. This doesn't necessarily mean we behave the same way, but we definitely operate with some warped assumptions about what is normal.

You might be interested in reading more about "adult children of alcoholics".