Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there specific things she does that make you feel like you’d be happier without her? Or is that just the fantasy of something different?

There's really nothing she does, aside from the normal annoyances of living with someone, so the desire to be single is simply to relieve the claustrophobic/trapped feeling I keep getting.

If I were to get into another relationship I'm 99% sure I would go through the same thing with someone else, which is why I don't ever think I'd necessarily be happy with someone else.

My wife meets 90% of my needs; the only thing lacking is conversation. I'd love to discuss science, politics, religion, current affairs, with her, but she's just not that way inclined and those subjects don't interest her.

We used to talk before we had children, I can't remember what about, but I imagine the kids leaving home in 10-20 years and not having anything in common or to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1. Come on dude. You are a father now. Man up and take care of your family. I feel sorry for your DW and kids.

Thanks, and this is why I invited criticism. I need to hear it.

[Anonymous]

From everything you describe the issue is you. Moving to another country isn’t going to solve anything. Your problems will follow you wherever you go. You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

When do your depressive periods occur? Is this maybe seasonal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From everything you describe the issue is you. Moving to another country isn’t going to solve anything. Your problems will follow you wherever you go. You need therapy.

Sorry I wasn't being clear. As a family we're talking about going to live overseas, but for me, that future is too hard to plan because I always have one foot out the door.

[Anonymous]

I think it is just likely that in the depressive episodes you need to know there is an 'out'. You don't need to act on it, you just need to know it is Many people who are depressed - have thoughts of suicide as their 'out' even if they don't intend to act on it, it helps to know there is an option. Both are really coping strategies to deal with the heavy oppressive weight of the depression. When the depression is suffocating, your life feels suffocating and you feel like you have to somehow get away and get air.

Since you seem to be able to gt through these episodes and come out the other side without acting on it, it may just be your brains way to cope with depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When do your depressive periods occur? Is this maybe seasonal?

It's pretty random. For example, I had a terrible time over Christmas, which lasted about 3 weeks. Then we went on a holiday together for two weeks and it was the best time, and I felt very close to my wife. Once we were back I went downhill again and have been this way since.

[Anonymous]

Just leave and move to Thailand to "teach English." Everybody will be better off.

[Anonymous]

I’m now divorced from somebody be who sounds just like you. He’s now supposedly happy with his new girlfriend-I gets be it another two years before he gets bored and cheats or starts blaming her for everything. I’m just hoping he doesn’t drag another kid into his mess.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Is money tight as a result of your added responsibilities?

I thoroughly missed my pre-kid life during the baby/toddler years and also dealt with depression.

[Anonymous]

My ex wife went through this. Always had been unhappy starting a few years into our marriage. Eventually she had an affair then left. He broke up with her she’s now about to hit 50. I’m remarried and have the majority of custody time. She’s seriously going to be one of those cranky old women who live in the apartment buildings lining Connecticut Avenue in Chevy Chase DC. I hear her little ill will. But I recognize these symptoms quickly now.

Don’t be her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are normal, but selfish and immature.

You’re a father now and everything you do will impact your children and how they navigate their own relationships. The time for exploring possibilities is over. The good news is that few women would be as tolerant of your wife, so enjoy that.

+1. Come on dude. You are a father now. Man up and take care of your family. I feel sorry for your DW and kids.

He's already doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When do your depressive periods occur? Is this maybe seasonal?

It's pretty random. For example, I had a terrible time over Christmas, which lasted about 3 weeks. Then we went on a holiday together for two weeks and it was the best time, and I felt very close to my wife. Once we were back I went downhill again and have been this way since.

It must be incredibly hard for your wife to see you keep falling back into depression. Do you ever think about how she myst be feeling? Having to be the strong one for the kids sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Is money tight as a result of your added responsibilities?

Kids are between 1 and 7. No money is not an issue at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It must be incredibly hard for your wife to see you keep falling back into depression. Do you ever think about how she myst be feeling? Having to be the strong one for the kids sake.

I'm a pretty functional depressive, so I just get on with things. I certainly don't lie in bed all day groaning at the world, or anything like that. But yes, my poor wife has to put up with a lot with me and my moods.