Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

[Anonymous]

It sounds like seasonal affective disorder, or else biology. Men want to travel and sow their wild oats. This has nothing to do with your wife. Really your marriage sounds pretty good to me! You can't expect to still have feelings of being in love when you've been together that long. Find other ways to spice up your life.

[Anonymous]

What about being single do you miss? Maybe you just need a certain amount of solitude and personal space, which isn’t necessarily incompatible with being married — especially if you work just as hard to accommodate your wife’s requirements for happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I,I, I! Dude you have. KIDS. You don’t get to go just “live in another country” for two years. You think the rest of us don’t fantasize about dumping the old ball and chain? And all that goes with it ? Of course we do! You suck it up because you are someone’s dad! Not a man baby!.

Or you do what my family did and you figure out a way to go abroad together. Our family of 4 is going on a one year sabbatical.

You’re the adult. If you feel stuck, do something about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like seasonal affective disorder, or else biology. Men want to travel and sow their wild oats. This has nothing to do with your wife. Really your marriage sounds pretty good to me! You can't expect to still have feelings of being in love when you've been together that long. Find other ways to spice up your life.

Agree with this. It's restlessness. Family life is all about (at times) boring routines.

[Anonymous]

I think you should leave her. She deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there specific things she does that make you feel like you’d be happier without her? Or is that just the fantasy of something different?

There's really nothing she does, aside from the normal annoyances of living with someone, so the desire to be single is simply to relieve the claustrophobic/trapped feeling I keep getting.

If I were to get into another relationship I'm 99% sure I would go through the same thing with someone else, which is why I don't ever think I'd necessarily be happy with someone else.

My wife meets 90% of my needs; the only thing lacking is conversation. I'd love to discuss science, politics, religion, current affairs, with her, but she's just not that way inclined and those subjects don't interest her.

We used to talk before we had children, I can't remember what about, but I imagine the kids leaving home in 10-20 years and not having anything in common or to talk about.

you sound like you are really burned out. Go on a relaxing vacation, at least a full week with at least 1 full weekend. Some place where you and your wife can reconnect. Go where there are kids' clubs/resort offered babysitting. I like the Polynesian Hotel at Disney. Orlando or the Disney Cruise (hard to be depressed when your kids are excited & happy) BUT if you do not like Disney, do not go there! Also go when the kids are in school, so it will be more peaceful. (OK to take a 7-yr old out for a week, tell the teacher & get the work, it's really not a big deal). When our kids were small, we went on vacation 3 times a year, so me & DH had reconnect time. We like Caribbean cruises (not during hurricane season- spring is a good time) because we send the kids to the kids club & we go back to our room & reconnect or do spa services. (When we left kids with in-laws we worried & didn't like that they weren't with us) Good luck...and do something relaxing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should leave her. She deserves better.

oh stop! No wonder DC has the highest divorce rate in the US (Dec 2016 TIME article, link below)

'The new divorce data show Washington, D.C., had the highest divorce rate in the country last year with nearly 30 marriages per 1,000 married women ending in divorce. Hawaii had the lowest." http://time.com/4575495/divorce-rate-nearly-40-year-low/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are normal, but selfish and immature.

You’re a father now and everything you do will impact your children and how they navigate their own relationships. The time for exploring possibilities is over. The good news is that few women would be as tolerant of your wife, so enjoy that.

+1. Come on dude. You are a father now. Man up and take care of your family. I feel sorry for your DW and kids.

He's already doing that.

he is going thru the motion. he is NOT in it.

[Anonymous]

Get more/better treatment.

Thankfully you have the self awareness to know when you are in a depressive episode—don’t blow up your life due to what depression tells you.

Honestly, it sounds like things worked out well with your wife—be glad and hold onto it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about being single do you miss? Maybe you just need a certain amount of solitude and personal space, which isn’t necessarily incompatible with being married — especially if you work just as hard to accommodate your wife’s requirements for happiness.

Just my own space and time. It's probably a control thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there specific things she does that make you feel like you’d be happier without her? Or is that just the fantasy of something different?

There's really nothing she does, aside from the normal annoyances of living with someone, so the desire to be single is simply to relieve the claustrophobic/trapped feeling I keep getting.

If I were to get into another relationship I'm 99% sure I would go through the same thing with someone else, which is why I don't ever think I'd necessarily be happy with someone else.

My wife meets 90% of my needs; the only thing lacking is conversation. I'd love to discuss science, politics, religion, current affairs, with her, but she's just not that way inclined and those subjects don't interest her.

We used to talk before we had children, I can't remember what about, but I imagine the kids leaving home in 10-20 years and not having anything in common or to talk about.

You have three kids—that’s why you aren’t talking about other things!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should leave her. She deserves better.

Sometimes I think the same.

[Anonymous]

Your wife sounds awesome. You really have no complaints about her so I'm feeling bad for her to be honest. I think you just need to man up, be an adult and father. I'm a DW and sure I fantasize about being single, hooking up with guys but it's just a fantasy because I'm married with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about being single do you miss? Maybe you just need a certain amount of solitude and personal space, which isn’t necessarily incompatible with being married — especially if you work just as hard to accommodate your wife’s requirements for happiness.

Just my own space and time. It's probably a control thing.

Again, you have three little kids, one of whom is a toddler. It makes sense that you don’t have much space and free time now. Make sure you and your wife both get breaks, but realize this is part of the season of life you are in.

And get a vasectomy if you haven’t already, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Do you ever get time away? For example, do you travel on business?

What I find useful (I'm a guy) is I go on a trip once a year with some of my male friends, all who are married and also with kids. Just a long weekend to some other city, but it's a nice break and also the male bonding is good. Research has shown that men seem to prefer friendships where they get a large dose of being with their friends, and that tides them over for a long time. Women prefer small does but constantly. It's why (at least in my experience) guys don't call their friends just to chat.

Do you have friends? Go out with them every 2-3 weeks.